the waiting game

I am SO PISSED. PISSED!!!! I called Dr. K office this morning to ask to move my beta from Monday to Friday. I'm not optimistic, and thought having the weekend to process would be helpful. Dr. K and the other REs are all out of town. WTF is up with that. The other doc on duty said NO to my request to move the beta. I KNOW Dr. K would have complied. This was all relayed to me through the secretary. She said that the doc said if I'd been a 5dt she would have let me come on Friday, but b/c I was a 3dt she said no. I asked why, and obviously the secretary didn't know. Mother Fucker. Seriously people, what are you thinking. All I can say is thank God I talked myself down from the ledge on Monday, b/c I'm back up there again right now.

Now I don't know what to do. I think I may still take off Friday and test at home. I have a digital, and by Friday it would be totally accurate. I have a BIG week at work next week and cannot fathom taking off Monday, recovering from the devastation and then be back in working order all of next week. A person can only take so much and I'm at my limit. Can you tell?

The spotting update...I continued to spot brownish stuff until last night. Before bed/after waking today, it was almost non-existant. I've had one incident of pink spotting today.

Believe it or not(!!) I'm doing ok. (I must say that I got the call from the secretary as I was typing all this other stuff, so if I seem much more calm through the rest of the post, that's why.)

I'm well aware (and thanks to those who reminded me) that spotting with IVF is normal, even if the IVF is a success. Comparing to my first IVF, I was bleeding by now, so I consider the fact that I'm not yet, a good sign. Comparing to my FET, I had to stop the PIO before my period started. So, both of those cases are different than what I am experiencing now. Different is good, right?!

And, I got to have dinner with Jenny last night, who is a fellow Nestie and lives in KC. She came in unexpectedly, and I'm so glad she did. Yesterday was not a good day for either of us, and it was nice to debrief, and curse, and be mad and sad with each other. I don't care how supportive Dan is, there is nothing like talking to a girl, especially a girl that "gets" it.

I left dinner with a tentative plan to follow if this IVF doesn't work. I'm a planner, and while having a plan will NOT take away the devastation of a negative test, it will help me to know that I'm not done, I'm still in the game, and can get started on the next step. My plan, in no real particular order...

1) Get a consult with Dr. P.earlst.one (who Dr. K recommended as the only other Board Certified RE in STL).
2) Get a consult with Dr. W.itten and Ahl.ering. I know several people who are very happy with them (including Amy). Plus, they have some good financial packages, and will also do a uterine biopsy. Granted, it's not the one I want, but it's a step further than Dr. K/WU has ever been willing to go.
3) maaaayyybeeee get a consult with CCRM. Their stats are great, and this is who Jenny is using now. 86% success rate. Basically, if they can't get me pregnant no one can. The kicker? They are in Denver and 1 cycle is about $20k. We could pay $15kish for another cycle here in STL, or add $5k more and have a 30% increase in our chance of success.
4) I will GET the biopsy I want before we use the 2 frozen embryos from this cycle. Without getting that, and knowing that I'm "clear", I feel like I'd be "wasting" the embryos.
5) see my gyno for a regular exam b/c I am wwaaaaayyy past due (and maybe she can recommend someone who will do the biopsy I want).