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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I think my head might explode

I do not know how I will make it to Thursday. I just don't know. I am back to work today, and was super busy this morning. Now I am back at my desk and my mind is wandering. Actually, wandering is an understatement. It's already gone.

I'm giving myself a headache. I can feel it coming on. I had a headache about 3 days last week. I looked up "early pregnancy symptoms" this morning, and headache is one of them. Plus, I've had some heartburn. I've had some crampy feelings in my girlie parts. As I have said before I am wayyy in tune with my body, so yes I do feel something going on down there. It's reassuring. Spotting seems to be gone as of this morning.

I'm taking these simple things and riding on them for the next 2 days. I've googled "beta numbers", "low beta numbers", "IVF low beta numbers", etc. It's not making me feel much better.

I keep telling myself over and over that Dr. K said my number was ok. And that she wanted to call me herself b/c she was excited for me, so that must be good right??? But, why couldn't I just have a big number that left me with no room to worry???? Why me? I feel like I'm whining, and I am. I know I am. But it's my blog and I'll do what I want. I just want it to be easy. Or at least semi-easy. I think I've earned it.

Dan is mad at me. He thinks I am stressing too much. Which I am. But I can't stop. Dan is calling Sierra big sister, and it's a little infuriating to me, although I think it's sweet at the same time.

I hope I don't seem ungrateful, b/c I'm not. I've never been this pregnant before. I just don't want it ripped away from me before I even get a chance to enjoy it.

7 comments:

Mari0430 said...

((HUGS))...I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers for your little bean to STICK and stay there!!

Amanda said...

I am glad the spotting stopped and I hope your next beta number is huge!! I have the same problem googling and reading things that just make me paranoid. But it is something that will be done no matter what. I can't control myself and it helped me make it through the days. Good luck and I am praying for the best!

Lisa said...

You do need to relax because you are PREGNANT!!! Glad the spotting has stopped, I know how nerve racking that must be.

Sara Scissors said...

Girl you know I am right here with you on those feelings. Thursday can't come soon enough for either of us!!!

andrea said...

my first beta was small too. i was such a wreck (and it doesn't get any better until the end of the first trimester) and my dh got pretty mad at me for being such a wreck. keep reminding yourself the odds are with you now every step of the way, there is nothing you can do by stressing, and enjoy being pg. It's hard, I know, I know!! Lots of prayers and I hope the time until Thursday flies by.
ps... stay off the internet. and the first trimester board...

Sara said...

You are definitely going to have to find a way to relax. Get out of your own head, stay off the internet, and trust the process!

I know it's difficult... extremely difficult, but enjoy being pregnant!!! YOU ARE PREGNANT!

Kristin said...

Just enjoy this... it's a roller coaster of emotions, for sure, but do what you can to just put the worries aside. (I know that's a tall order -- and unfortunately, the worries never seem to stop, but still try!) No stress... Good luck tomorrow!!