Tuesday, July 31, 2012


The twins finally have names (on their wall!). It's only been almost 11 months.

I seriously pink puffy heart these decals, and the way they turned out. I wanted to do them MONTHS ago, but then was faced with re-painting the room first.
If interested, I purchased them from this Etsy shop, http://www.etsy.com/shop/LucyLews.
As I mentioned previously, the first shipment had been damaged by USPS, so she replaced almost everything free of charge.

Note that you can also see the craptastic job that the previous owners of the home did with the carpeting. This will eventually be ripped up and wood laminate put in its place. The rest of the main floor is either original hardwood or laminate. It seems weird to me that this room is carpeted, although it does work out well with the babies.

Otherwise, my craftiness has been thwarted by the sewing gods, who apparently don't think I need to sew outfits for the twins b-day.
1) I couldn't find the power cord to my sewing machine.
2) After hours of searching, finally found it, but my sewing basket was MIA. The bobbins were stored in the basket, and clearly neccessary to my ability to actually sew something.
3) After much MORE searching, I finally found a few rogue bobbins hanging out in a ribbon case.
4) Load the bobbin with thread, and attempt to sew, only to have the entire machine seize up and NOT want to play. Not cool. I don't have time for this. I tried a few tricks I know, with no luck.
I'll give it another try in a day or two, but if it's really dead, looks like I'm in the market for a new machine, which is most certainly NOT in the budget.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Feeling Crafty...

After MONTHS, maybe at least a year, the craft bug has hit again. Most likely it's due to the twins upcoming birthday. I have ideas floating around like a tornado in my head. It's a little exhausting actually. I'm definately taking on too much...but I can't seem to stop. Perhaps it's my lack of meds. There are more than a few areas of our house that require some craftiness.

I FINALLY have the twins room painted. It's only been a year since we moved in...but I am finally rid of that hideous dreary sage color in their room. It's now more of a very happy aqua. I ordered their decal names, which I have been eyeing almost since their birth. Unfortunately, they arrived last week, box and most contents damaged. Dan called today to let me know the replacement order has arrived, in perfect condition. Task 1 of the weekend is to get those names up! Will be posting a picture when I'm done:)

After that, all other house projects will be on hold until I make the babies b-day outfits. Yes, I'm making them...because I have the time, right?! And also a coordinating dress for Sophie so she doesn't feel left out. Actually, they'll be getting two outfits, although the first doesn't really count as an outfit. My friend Sara will be taking their pics the day after their birthday, the day before their party, which will be Dr. Seuss Thing 1 and Thing 2 themed. Needless to say, I have a swirl of red and aqua running through my head at all times. Picture outfit will consist of a diaper cover for each, with hopefully a ruffle or two for Avery, and a tie for Connor. Task 2 of this weekend is to get those completed. Because my head would not stop last night, I've cut out the fabric for one cover already, as well as the tie. I was only stopped by the sound of Sophie padding down the hallway to see what I was up to.

As I see things come together, my brain goes into overdrive with new ideas. I have NOT had this problem (????) in a very long time, and I love it, but it's also exhausting.  I assume it also has to do with the babies becoming more independent. They can play on their own, although for only a short period of time. But, I've become a master of getting things done in minutes!  It's amazing how many clothes I can fold while babies are in their highchairs.

In addition to all this craftiness, we're also finally starting to really unpack boxes that we moved 12 months ago. It's fun to see things I forgot we had, lol! I have a huge pile for Goodwill, and that feels SO good. Purge, purge, purge. I also have a pile of baby clothes to sell to a consignment shop.

One of my plans has ALWAYS been to make each baby a quilt (for me, or for them I don't really know!) of their baby clothes. After carefully going through each piece I still have three huge boxes of clothes to sell.  I have no idea if I'll get $20 or $200, but we'll see. Otherwise, I also have a pile of baby gear that I'll donate to a local children's charity. It feels good to give, but honestly even better to just purge the hell out of our house!

A few recent pics, although not the best quality since they were taken with my phone. With the exception of one, I don't think any are duplicates from FB.

I took this the other night. Yes, that was an attempt to bite Connor's head. Poor guy.

 This is the FB duplicate, but I love it:) Like Sophie did when she was (more) little, he wears lots of orange!
 Avery last night, with Sophie's FIRST ball.
 A few weeks ago...I think Sophie has her dr moves mixed up a little, trying to get a heartbeat in A's armpit:)

Friday, July 20, 2012

some updates...

1) Connor had his follow-up ENT appt last week, which was his first one since Dan had been over-medicating him. I really went back and forth about whether to tell the dr about that, but in the end, I did. I'm not sure what I thought she was going to do...yell at me maybe, lol...but she chuckled at first, considering the original issue we had with Walgreens. She was extremely inerested to hear that he shows such improvement as the dose goes up, although she wasn't comfortable increasing him, based on weight. She said that's the first time she's seen such a direct response to increased dosing.

I finally got up the courage to ask about next steps/what will happen in the future. Ideally, this hemangioma will go away on it's on, and all we're currently doing is helping it to NOT get bigger where it might interfere with ears or throat. I asked if a minor surgery might be in the cards, and her response was that it would NOT be a minor surgery, based on the location of the hemangioma. The plan is to continue with the meds, hoping it goes away. If not, we could continue with the meds for YEARS, until he grows enough that the space she would be operating on is large enough to successfully complete the surgery.

2) Sophie seems to love her new daycare. I found the perfect place, which is a Center, but it runs out of a home, so it has the feel of a home daycare. Less institutional feeling. She's currently only going on Mon and Thurs, until a 3rd day opens. It's almost all girls, and they love doing all girly things. Dolls are everywhere:) Sophie was introduced to a sandbox for the first time this week, and cannot stop talking about it:) Looks like we'll be taking a trip to the beach next summer!

3) Her old sitter's husband had a mostly successful surgery. They don't believe it's cancer, but of course it's being tested. They weren't able to get it all, so are considering radiation to treat what was left. Apparently his vision improved significantly immediately after the surgery. VERY good news, so far.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Sappy today

It seems my grandma didn't expect to return home. Yesterday, when going through some things, my grandpa found an insurance policy that my grandma had taken out on herself, in 1962 (she would have been 30 then). My grandpa knew NOTHING about this, and was shocked to discover it. Knowing my grandma, she would never have left this so readily available, had she not intended for him to find it. She knew she was going to die. It breaks my heart, over and over. I think about her all the time. I keep seeing her turn towards my voice, trying to open her eyes. I keep hearing my grandpa talking to her in those last minutes they had together.

As I've put pieces together over the years, I've realized that she was most likely clinically depressed for most of her life. She'd been on and off (mostly off) anti-depressants for many years. She was hospitalized last fall after a heart attack, and must have started taking something again. I could tell a difference almost immediately. That time also corresponded to the twins being born, so I have no doubt that their birth was part of her depression lifting.

Here they are, at my mother in laws memorial service last fall, holding McBabies:) 

Combine my sadness over her, with the thought that today is Sophie's last day at her daycare, and I'm sort of a mess. I know this is normal. It's a part of life that she'll just have to get used to, "not everything lasts forever" blah, blah, but I hate it for her. I know that this time next year I'll be prepping her for pre-school, but I hate to cause her any sort of discomfort. Like her dad, she is very much a creature of habit, and if something gets disturbed she feels it.

I've been preparing her that Monday she'll start going to "Miss Ann's" house, which is the new daycare. I keep reminding her that Miss Ann has the really neat playground. She seems to understand this, but at times will say "no, go to Stacey's." The new center is literally a mile south of her current sitter, but I'm going to alter my route on Monday, so she doesn't get confused. 

Plus, of course, there's the issue of WHY we are going to a new sitter. Stacey's husbands brain surgery is on Monday, so I'm thinking about her, and him, and all the possibilities that might be.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Another angel...

A piece of my heart was ripped out last Thursday afternoon, when my grandma died.  She'd been in ICU for almost a week, fighting an unknown infection. They pumped her full of antiobiotics, but nothing was killing what was killing her. I don't really know what this means, but her platelet count dropped to 10 at one point. Apparently it needs to be over 100. Both her kidneys and liver were failing.

I went to see her on Monday, when she was still conscious. She heard my voice, KNEW my voice, she did her best to turn towards me. She tried to open her eyes, but she couldn't, but I knew she heard me. When I left I told her I'd see her on Tuesday, but I wasn't able to make it because Sophie was sick (with ANOTHER double ear infection).  My dad, uncle and grandfather were with her all day Wednesday. We had all 3 kids, and I couldn't get away to visit. Everything was status quo, but by the time my grandpa had driven the hour home, he got a call from the dr that he needed to get back asap. Her heart had stopped for a minute, but then started beating again on its own.

I was so afraid she wouldn't make it through the night, but she did. I got to the ICU at 8am on Thursday morning and not more than 5 minutes later all her vitals started dropping, heart rate, b/p, oxygen, etc. There were docs and nurses rushing into the room. Despite not wanting to recessitate (and I know that's spelled wrong), my grandpa did agree to a non-invasive mask, bi-pap maybe, that was to be used only to try to get her through that critical period. He also agreed to a med to bring her h/r and b/p back up, to give the antiobiotics the 48 hours they really needed to try to work. It was all working as it should until about 2:30 when the nurse came in to give an update. She told us her kidneys were still not working, and if she did recover she would be faced with dialysis. Not only would she NOT want that, her tiny (even when healthy) body would never tolerate it.

In a very kind way, she told my grandpa there was no hope. He mentioned taking her off the meds, and the nurse suggested it might be a good thing to do. She let him know that after that, she might have minutes to hours left. We tracked down my dad and uncle, who had left the room for a bit. The internal struggle my grandfather was fighting was almost too much to bear. He talked to her, kissed her, told her he loved her more than anything in the world, he apologized, he thanked her. It was such a private moment I felt like an intruder. In the end, they stopped the meds a little after 3 pm. She died 10 minutes later. The meds were doing much more than any of us thought. If they hadn't started them in that morning, she would have surely died not long after I arrived.

In the end, she was surrounded by her husband of 64 (SIXTY FOUR!!!) years, her two sons, my mom and aunt, myself and my sister and a cousin. It's how she would have wanted it, leaving this life surrounded by the family she had started building when she was 16.

It's times like this that my not very religious self screams for someone to promise me there is a Heaven. I cannot imagine never being with her again, never having her to talk to. So many of my childhood memories are tied to her. She and my grandfather were two constants in my life that I could ALWAYS count on to be there for me. Cheerleaders, always. She adored my babies. She last saw them at Easter. She was holding Avery, and I quickly ate my lunch so I could "relieve" her so she could eat. She said "no, I'm not here to eat, I'm here to hold your babies." And that she did.