Thursday, July 28, 2011

Great news on Monday:)

First, I should say that we almost missed the u/s appt. Appt was at 8 am, I woke up at 7:10 and was so dazed (hello Ambien??) that it took me awhile to gather myself. Then, I had to wake up Sophie and Dan, who were both o.u.t.

We made it with 5 minutes to spare. The u/s tech instructed me to lie down, to which I said "aren't you doing a cervical check?" I had anticipated her telling me to get undressed from the waist down. According to the order, it was only a growth scan, but I pushed and pushed until she called OB office and did get permission to do cervical check.

As usual, babies are great. For the last two weeks, Baby A has been hanging out in the LOWER righ quadrant, and is currently breech. When I said LOWER, I swear she is in my hip, lol. Baby B is in upper left quadrant, and I assume the reason for my reflux.

Baby A was measuring 3.1 pounds, and B was 3 pounds, so growth-wise they are great.

Cervical length had DOUBLED!! A week ago it was 20, and Monday it was 47. Seems like the medication cocktail from Dr. P has done the trick.

Then, we killed time until 10:45 for appt with Dr. R (filling in for my OB while she's on vacation). She was thrilled with improvement, and did another internal exam which showed I was still dilated to 1.

Next week, we see Dr. P again. I asked Dr. R about his desire for hospital bedrest, and that he had wanted that for me last week. Her response was "yes, we talked about that" which leads me to believe he probably shared his feelings, but she held strong to letting me go home. Bottom line, Dan and i are expecting a possible hospital admission next week.

Since seeing him last week, I've talked to several others who have used him in the past, and they ALL reported at least a week of hospital bedrest. Yuck. But, whatever.

I'm still getting contrax, but they are much less, and there is no pattern. They typically happen in the evening, and usually when I am up, or in the process of getting up. Getting out of bed is NOT easy these days!

I've been approved to work up to 4 hours a day from home, and now that I have a laptop that works, I feel like I'm being productive. It feels good, lol. Believe it or not, I've hardly read anything. I either lie in bed watching mindless TV, or spend a few hours at the dining room table trying to knock out a few hours of work.

Surprisingly, I haven't gained more weight, and this is according to the dr. scale!

Bean: you can e-mail me at stacey.mccrary2003@yahoo.com. Note that there is NOT a "dot" between my first and last name, I just don't want people to find this blog. Feel free to e-mail me:)

I promise some pics soon. It's time for some new house pics I guess, despite the fact that we are NOT completely unpacked.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

29 weeks!

Well, we made it to 29 weeks. (Sorry Fran, I meant to mention that in my last post, but got sidetracked:)).

I think it's bedrest day #12. May as well start counting, huh?

I ventured from bedrest yesterday, and learned my lesson. It was Saturday, it was pretty out (although scorching), and Dan agreed to take me to Target. I had to take some things back to Target, and Bed, Bath and Beyond. Contrax #1 came in BBB, while I was pushing the cart. Contrax #2 came in Target, and contrax #3 (the big one) came walking to the car. Dan was walking ahead with Sophie, and it got to the point where I almost couldn't walk. The common denominitor seems to be ANY sort of exhertion. I came home and went to bed and things were better.

But even today, just getting out of bed to go to the bathroom will cause a contrax.

Next appt tomorrow am at 8 am; then a follow-up with Dr. S's colleauge at 10:45. We are going to all appts, expecting NOT to come home. Fingers crossed for status quo at the u/s tomorrow. I have no idea what dr appt will be. FFN can't be done, so maybe an exam? Maybe nothing, just a check in??

I did learn a few things will in hospital and more specifically while meeting with Dr. P.

1) FFN's cannot be done the same day as an internal u/s, as it may cause a false positive. So, if u/s is different (in bad way) tomorrow, I may have to go back on Tues for another FFN.

2) The steroid shot given for babies lungs wears off after a week or so. Dr. P (using hypothetical #'s), said that if shots are given at 28 weeks, and I later go on to give birth at 31 weeks, babies lungs will look similar to lungs of a baby who NEVER got the shots. Also, from what I've read, a 2nd set of shots may be detrimental to babies.

3) If I give birth in next few weeks, we'll be doing so at Mo.Bap. Although St. Louis CHildren's Hospital has the best NICU in the area, the hospital associated with it (in top 5 in the US, I believe) does not believe in keeping babies "inside." They'd rather deliver them, and let NICU take over. This was a hard decision to make, but I'd rather the babies be transferred to a different hospital than me, if it means keeping them in longer.

4) Post partum depression is as high as 50% in twin moms. Dr. P and i talked about this and told him about my PPD with Sophie. ALthough he didn't encourage to start my Prozac now, he did say he would highly recommend once babies are here.

I am miserable. I think that, even if this hadn't all happened, I would have been begging to be taken out of work. I have just hit a wall. I am tired, sore, getting swollen, reflux is ridiculous, I've been close to puking several times (I assume b/c there isn't much room for the food I do eat).

My depression is escalating. I can feel it. Not anxiety, but most definately depression. I started Prozac 3 days ago. Dan and I are bickering/fighting. His nervous energy is driving me nuts. But, I know alot of it is me.

Friday, July 22, 2011

PTL=Hospital stay

After the last horrible appt that put me on bedrest, Dr. S wanted to see me one last time before she left for vacation. So, Tues afternoon Dan took me to get the u/s and then to meet with her. I pride myself in being able to read u/s machines fairly easily, but the cervical length check always throws me off, so for those, I just tend to look at the numbers that pop up on the screen. I could tell by th numbers I was seeing that things were ok. The u/s tech agreed that things seemed stable, with no more shortening.

I was feeling better as we went to wait for Dr. S, who unfortunately walked into our room looking quite somber. "Well, it's shortened again." Apparently she and the tech had a disareement in length. According to Dr.S length had gone from 37 two weeks ago to 27 last week, to 24 this week. All not good.

She said the dreaded words,I want you to get monitored. What I later learned that meant was an NST on L & D. She also wanted to start the steroid shots for babies lungs, which I knew was a 2 day process, b/c there needs to be 24 in between in shot.

So there we were. Three minutes later, Dan, Sophie and I were back on the floor on which I'd actually given birth to Sophie. THAT was surreal. And in fact, all the monitoring rooms were full, so we were put in a L & D room, complete with baby warmer. I remember seeing that warmer when being induced to have Sophie and it scared the crap out of me. Tues night, I was in denial it was there...b/c certainly we wouldn't need it.

EVERYONE kept asking if I was contracting. My "go to" answer for weeks has been "no, not contracting, but I do feel alot of tightening." Well....turns out that tightening was being read as a contraction on the NST and was happening 2-5 times an hour! So, they gave me terbtuline (or however it's spelled). I hope that's as close to crack as I ever get. I wanted to jump out of my skin! I was on the phone when she administered it through my IV and had to hang up b/c I thought my heart would jump out of my chest. But, it did significatnly reduce the contrax.

Dr. S came to see me one last time before she left, telling me all would be fine. She also ordered a consult with an MFM that comes highly recommended. I was excited about that, b/c boy did I have questions.

Once I was settled, Dan and i had to figure out a plan. I was freaked a bit, and wanted him to stay, but then what to do with Sophie. She went to stay with my MIL. As soon as I kissed her goodbye and they walked out the door I started BAWLING. Big, ugly tears. I was scared, in shock, sad that I was in such a preciment. Resentful of these two babies still inside. What havoc they are already reaking on my little family of three.

Resentful and angry at my BABIES. There I said it. And felt no remorse in those feelings. What kind of mother am I? I've mentioned all along that I have little in the way of bonding with these two, but this just really draws the line, I think it's time to get back on the Prozac. Although, I do have to admit that listening to their heartbeats for hours at a time, along with knowing exactly where they are positioned helped a great deal. I could at least differentiate who was kicking vs. punching, lol.

So, more bad news is about to be delivered. Later Tues afternoon, Dr. S's oncall dr comes to see me, and does an exam to check for diliation. And I am dilated to one. This is definate progress in a BAD way. She increases my niphedipine to 4x day, assures me I'll go home Wed night after steroid shot and that's about it. I question her about the specialist, as I have every nurse that walks in and she says she'll look into it.

Wed Morning: I learn that I get to see Dr. Paul (baby guru, who specializes in keeping babies INSIDE), but that I first need another u/s before he will see me. So, I get that 1:30, he comes in about an hour later. In one DAY, cervix has shortened from 24 to 20. Not.good.knews.

Dr. Paul comes highly recommendend and lives up to the hype. He is fabulous and brilliant and every other fantastic word you want to use. In a nutshell, he was not comfortable with me going home, but after sticking me on what feels like 1000 new drugs, he was ok. Here's the plan.

1)I will rotate between seeing him and seeing Dr. S every other week. THis Monday I'll see Dr. S, next week, I'll see him.

2) I will get an u/s at each visit. One week they'll look at cervical length, amnio fluid; the next week they'll look at baby growth.

3) Startng lots of new meds.
antiobiotics (just in case)
increasing niphedipine to 4 x day
procardia (I think to thicken up mucous plug)
endoocin ( I think that's how it's spelled). this is another to stop contractions. but one of the side effects is reducing amniotic fluid. Dr. P feels this can be good with twins, b/c losing a bit of fluid will lighten the load on the weight/volume that the uterus is carrying to hopefully avoid early labor.

So, in a nutshell,I'm jacked up on every drug imaginable. I've gotten both steroid shots, so babies lungs are somewhat protected over the next two weeks. I've gotten my goal of weekly monitoring. I've been instructed to head to L & D if I am having 4-6 contrax an hour, for two hours in a row. If I'm unsure if it's a contrax, call it a contrax. So, here I sit.

Bedrest is hard. I was approved for up to 4 hours of work from home a day, which is proving hard given Sophie entertaining and the fact that Dan needs the laptop for his job too. BUT, every hour I can work from home is good. At this point, we're pretty much guarenteed that I will have to take at least one month of unpaid leave. As the breadwinner of this little family, that.will.hurt. But it is what it is.

I feel so grateful for everyone who has called, sent e-mails, etc. We both feel very supported in this new little predicament that has developed:)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

threatented pre-term labor

This is not what I was anticipating when I went to OB on Tues.
We started out with the ultrasound. Babies look great. A is weighing 2.9 and B is weighing 2.11. Both are transverse, with head on my right side, feet on my left.

And then it went south from there....I saw two cervical legnth measurements. One was 2.3 and the other 2.4. I knew that anything above 3 is good. And I also knew that my last one was between 4-5. So I knew things were different, and not in a good way. I questioned the tech about the "3" measurement and she said actually they are fine with seeing 2.5. That made me feel alot better, so I let her finish up what she was doing without asking 20 more questions.

I then went to another room to wait for Dr. S. I was so tired, and SO hot (it's been over 100 here in STL on a daily basis). I finally just gave in and lied down on the table. But then that hurt, and I was having trouble breathing, so I rolled over on my side. I must have looked like a beached whale when Dr. S walked in, lol.

Her first words were "it's time. It's time to take you out of work." I have never struggled to sit up so quickly! I asked if it was b/c of cervical length and she said that, but more importantly I'm showing some funnelling, bag of water is making it's way into the cervix. THIS was a shock to me.

She ordered the fFn test for the next day, that can be predictive of onset of labor in the next 2 weeks. She put me on bedrest for 48 hours (Wed and Thurs) and said I may be able to tie things up at work on Friday.

I had already decided (while beached whaling it) that I wouldn't fight bedrest if there was good reason. However, I had a meeting scheduled for Wed morning that I was running, adn the only person from my office to go. I asked if I could go. She asked where and what time, and I told her. She said "absolutely not, your water could break, on the way there, and I would never forgive myself."


The thought of my water breaking just FLOORED me. I started crying. She started crying. (I have a way of doing that to docs, lol). She told me she'd been warning me from the begining that this day would come, and this is why. She didn't want me to be surprised. but, how could I NOT be surprised!?!?

I just had this obviously WRONG idea that my body was strong enough to pull this off.

"What if fFn is positive?" She told me I'd go to labor and delivery to start the steriod shots to strengthen babies lungs.


Really, my babies could come this early? I've been telling people "probably September." Never in my wildest dreams have I even ENTERTAINED the idea of "maybe July."

Fastforward to Wed. Dan drove me for the fFn test, which luckily came back negative, meaning that there's a 90% change I WON'T go into labor in next 2 weeks.
I talked with nurse this morning, who confirmed bedrest until Tues, at which time I'll get another u/s to measure cervical length, and then meet with Dr. S to discuss a plan.

So, here I sit. Dan is off running errands, Mother in Law came to pick up Sophie, and I'm not so patiently having my second day of bedrest. I'm just torn between knowing this is what is best, but also knowing that I am already eating up my leave time. I fully expected to go back to work tomorrow. I felt confident in that after getting my negative test result last night. So, Dr. S knocked me down again making me stay out until Tues.

I also HATE the unknown. I am a planner by nature. I need to know what is next, and then next. The fact that I won't know anything until Tues is driving me nuts, and even then I know that will only plan for a few weeks.

But again, the good news is that babies are good. I was SO paranoid (prior to u/s) that baby A wasn't doing well, but she is.

I'm feeling major guilt that I'm still not bonding with these guys though. I would have expected this situation to help with that, but it hasn't so far. That's a different post though.

Friday, July 8, 2011

19 months!

Just sitting here at work thinking of my little sweet pea, and thought I needed to make some unofficial stats.
1) 18-24 months clothes
2) hair is ALMOST long enough for a pony!!!
3) She loves her baby dolls and taking them for walks.
4) I caught her trying to put her paci in her babies mouth, and also give her milk out of her sippy:)
5) She still has a really odd facination with diapers (clean, thankfully!)
6) She gave Sierra her first hug, and Sierra actually accepted it:)
7) SHe's getting more picky with what she eats (hardly any meat), but she can chow down on just about any fruit. She has also taken a sudden liking to yogurt and applesauce.
8) She has started wanting us to put her animal cracker or goldfish snacks in a bottle! Weird.
9) First attempt at sidewalk chalk this week. She loved it:)
10)Still no words. Leaning towards speech therapy. My sister didn't talk until she was 2, and she still hasn't shut up, so that makes me feel a bit better.
11) She found a plastic tube, about 2 feet long, when we moved. She pushes it around the floor like she is mopping:)
12)She loves to sit on the couch like a big girl, and also sit on any stoop/stair she can find. I need to get her a table/chair set.
13) Size 5 shoes and they are the first thing she wants to put on in the morning.
14) She's SUCH a girly girl. She loves to carry a purse, a baby, and begs me to put lotion on her. SHe'll hold out her arms for me to lotion up, when she sees me doing it:)
15) She is now mimicking Sierra's "hairballs." So ladylike:)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Pine-Sol anyone?

I've been busy. Really, really busy. We have moved, and moved in comfortably to our new house. Yes, there are pictures coming (I bought a new camera), but it's the last thing on my priority list right now.

Brief updates: I am over 26 weeks pregnant now! Things are fine. I'm just tired, and getting bigger by the day.I'm averaging about a gain of a pound a week. I see Dr. S next week for a 27 week appt. It's at that time that she "threatened" (that's how I'm taking it) to reduce my work hours. I will also do the glucose test next week. Lately, I will wake up at night to my hip bones just throbbing. I don't know if it's the extra weight, or the the fact that I can only sleep on my side or what, but my hips ACHE at night.

Sophie was 19 months yesterday. SHe has transitioned to the house very well, without even batting an eye really. Bad news is that she is back to sleeping with us, but that is our fault, in that we lost a screw to the spring in her bed and she can't use it until we find a new screw. Let's blame it on Dan. He was supposed to find one for me, but hasn't yet. ANd I have too many other things to do than chase him down for a screw. Hahaha, no pun intended. I wasn't even trying to be clever!

Sierra is an anxious ball of fur. She desparately wants to go back "home." Poor thing. I hope she gets over this before babies come. I don't have the patience right now to deal with much more of her anxiety.

Dan is also adjusting. I knew it would be a stretch for him, he is very much a creature of habit. Despite desperately wanting this move to happen, it has taken it's toll. He's on the unswing now though, thankfully.

Our condo gets taken over by renters on July 15. We went over this weekend to start the cleaning process and I opened a bottle of pine-sol I didn't even know we had. OMG, I felt like a druggie. That freaking cleaner smelled SO good. I'm embarrased to admit that I have been thinking about it quite often since this weekend. Is this one of those crazy ODD pregnancy things? No, of course I'm not going to drink it! I'm not sure if it's nesting or what, but each day I go home and think about dousing our house with it. The only thing stopping me is that I left the bottle at the condo. Is it the smell, or the obvious need for my little nest to be sparkling clean? I don't know.

For anyone who has e-mailed/called me and hasn't gotten a response, I will get to it...I swear! Between the move and all that entails I am lucky to put both of my shoes on before leaving home in the morning!