pity party weekend

I've been feeling sorry for myself all weekend. On Friday, I was surprised with the news that my cousin is pregnant. Apparently this was a well kept secret and my grandma spilled the beans. I was ok at first, it wasn't a shock really. THen as the day went on I just got more and more upset. Jealousy I suppose? I just want one. One child. That is ALL I am asking for. Is that too much? I slept most of the day on Friday out of some sort of depressive funk, I guess.

Last night, Dan and I celebrated our 10th anniversary of the day we met:-) We went to our favorite restaurant. It was nice; I brought up a serious IF discussion with him, which he was very open to, thankfully. I won't discuss it here, yet...but I'm hopeful that we may have another option.

Someone posted on the nest a few days ago about missing their embryos. I didn't respond to the post, but I've been thinking about it all weekend. It seems crazy to miss embryos...but I do. I miss that they are not in a lab growing, cells dividing. I miss that they are not in a freezer waiting for me. Most of all, I miss that they are not inside me, growing and thriving. It's a weird sort of loss, but it is there. They were something that Dan and I created, and they are gone now. All of them. We had 5 healthy embryos and now they are gone. It makes me sad.

To top it off, the FET period from hell arrived this morning. I will not go into details...but I think it's the worst period I have.ever.had.

Still no period

Hmmm. It's Friday afternoon, and no hint of spotting. I guess the pessimistic side of me is thinking my LP is just extra long b/c of Clomid, but it never has been before. I still don't really expect to get lucky, so I'm just biding my time, getting anxious every time I go to the bathroom. Fun stuff for sure. If I haven't started by Monday, I will test. That will be a long enough wait, and if I were to be pregnant, it should for sure show up + by then. If not, I'll call my RE nurse and see if she can give me some meds to kick start AF. So for now...I just wait.

I plan on staying busy this weekend. I have a quilt to finish for a wedding in Sept. I don't except to finish it all, but should get a good head start.

I may post some pics on here too, to make it a little more interesting. So much good news on the Nest today. While I am thrilled for everyone, I can't help but wonder when it's going to happen for me. I have waited long enough. I told a co-worker about my IVF today. I wasn't going to, but it just came out. She's pregnant and due next week!!! She had so many questions, and was so supportive. I showed her the pic of our transferred embies. I'll try to upload the pic here. Just think...3 more of those little guys (or girls!) are waiting patiently right now:-)