cramps

I debated on writing about this, b/c I don't want to jinx anything. I had cramps last night. Little teeny, tiny, popping pokes, actually, way down low. I don't cramp before my period, only during (and that's rare), and when I do it's really pressure all the way across. What I experienced last night was not like that at all. I suppose I can't really call them cramps, but there's not really anything else to call them. They happened on and off for about 3 hours.

The obsessive person that I am went back and looked at the posts from my FET in August. That time, I talked about a feeling like little needles jabbing me from the inside, but only for about 30 seconds. Last night was different than that.

I just wish, I mean really WISH, I could walk around in blissful oblivion during this totally anxiety provoking time. The truth of the matter is, I haven't been overly obsessive in "feeling" what might be going on. It's just the fact that I think I've trained my brain over these past few years to pay attention to ANYTHING, and now it just does it automatically. Don't like it so much:-(

They only other "sign" to speak of is that I've been incredibly tired. That however, I totally chalk up to the PIO. I've been around this block enough times to know that fatigue means absolutely nothing.

8 days til beta..........................

It's official

The nurse called to say "I'm sorry to tell you but you aren't pregnant." Thank goodness I POAS the other day. If I hadn't, I would swear I am pregnant, just b/c of these damn PIO symptoms. What a slap in the face that call would have been. I can stop all meds now thank God.

I have a call in to schedule my WTF is next appt. I'm going to ask Dr. K about doing a lap, and also about the Y.ale test. Plus there is one other that can be done if it turns out I might have endo. Nothing points to that, but I do have some of the lesser symptoms, fatigue, pain with sex sometimes and obviously infertility. Do I want them to drill a hold in my body? No of course not, but if it gives us some answers, even if it is only to rule out something I will do it. Dr. K has mentioned a lap in the past, but also said she saw no reason for me to do it, unless I wanted the peace of mind. I guess I'm ready for the peace of mind now.

I'm running out of options here. I really want that Y.ale test. If I don't have the sticky stuff I need, and can't start producing it there is no need to do another IVF. Even with perfect embies it just wouldn't work.

Damn you, PIO

Oh my goodness. I am so tired. I fell asleep last night at 8, and woke up just in time for next PIO shot (lucky me). This is one of those lovely "could be pregnancy symptom" "could be PIO symptom" that we all get to experience. I've been feeling more tired lately, and I suppose that's what gave me some hope (in addition to not spotting, which I'm still not). Last night it just HIT me like a ton of bricks. After I woke up from my "nap" Dan asked if I was going to be able to sleep tonight. Um, yeah...

I have come to terms with my BFN. I'm not expecting a miracle tomorrow, but of course do hope for one. I've started my list of questions for Dr. K. One of which is how to test for implantation issues. We've eliminated all other possible issues.
1) my eggs are fine
2) Dan's sperm is fine
3) fertilization is fine
4) embryo quality is fine
5) almost all our embies made it to blast, which is great

That really just leaves one possible issue and that is implantation. Y.ale researchers have a test that they do. My RE could do it (if she would) and then send the biopsy away to Y.ale. It's $460 which I would gladly pay if it would give us some answers. In my quick research, it seems that there is a sticky substance that is found in fertile women that is not found in those with unexplained infertility. This sticky substance is supposed to help the embryo attach. Seems like one treatment is more specific hormone treatment. The article talked about p4 supps being "better" than PIO. Trust me, I will be reading more about this.