Pneumonia

We just truly have the worst medical luck. Yes, I know it could be much MUCH worse, but this is the latest diagnosis for this little guy.

I was most worried about Sophie, who was REALLY snotty last week. She was being woken up from her coughing (NEVER a good sign with asthma) but she seems to have skipped the nasty stuff and passed it on to babies. I got home Tuesday night to a wheezing Connor. I stupidly tried to give him Albuterol via inhaler. Not.so.much. Once I built up the nerve (and energy) to attempt a nebulizer treatment with an already cranky little man, it took care of the wheezing, but then it was back a few hours later. Second neb down, and it again took care of the wheezing. He'd been retracting the entire time, although not too bad. Aside from the cranky mood, he didn't seem to be in distress at all, so we rode it out. Dan was no help when I asked if we should go to ER, he basically left it up to me.

I was so torn to let him ride it out until the pedi opened at 8, or take him in. We opted to wait and see, and although he was retracting throughout the night (trust me, I barely slept), he slept soundly, no fever, no tossing/turning, nothing. I did give him another neb treatment when he woke at 7, but it didn't touch the retractions.

We were able to get in at 10, where the dr ordered ANOTHER neb treatment. The dr agreed that the meds were not touching the retractions. Although they were my worst worry, because Sophie has shown us just how serious they can be, the dr was more worried about some lovely "crunchy" stuff in his lungs. Soooo, off we went for a chest x-ray. Of course, the two pics they got of his lungs couldn't definatively tell us if it was pneumonia or not. She said she saw alot of junk, but just couldn't tell if it was infected. Therefore, we are assuming worst case scenario and he's now on antibiotics for pneumonia.

He is ALOT better. Two days ago, my normally happy little guy would suddenly stop playing, just to lie on the floor and moan:( So, either it was a very quick and nasty virus or it IS pneumonia and the meds have started working. In the mean time, Avery is now wheezing. Lovely:/

Side note: I'm sorry, but my babies have the most fabulous cheeks ever created:)

Fall Fun:)

I love fall! I love the weather, the changing seasons, the crunchy leaves. I have no idea why, but there are certain days each fall that take me back to high school football games, and that was a LONG time ago.

I'm always looking for ways to build traditions into our lives. My parents weren't really "tradition" type people. Of course, Christmas each year was always fun, lots of presents, cookie making, etc. And, the Easter Bunny came every Easter, but they never went out of their way to do things not neccessarily associated with a holiday.

I know so many people get into apple picking, but I've just never been drawn to that. I remember my grandparents taking me a few times when I was little, but it never evolved into a tradition. And honestly, I like apples (love to bake with them!), but I don't see the need to travel 45 minutes to an orchard to bring home 10 pounds of apples. Maybe next year, we'll give it a try, if Sophie seems eager to do it.

However, we are 2 for 2 with the Pumpkin Patch!  As a kid, I never went. Didn't even know it was a possibility. I took Sophie for the first time last year, wearing Connor, since he was all of 6 weeks old. This past weekend, we all went. It was an adventure, but we all survived. Thank goodness for our wagon that can strap in two babies.  Sophie was jealous that the babies got to ride, until she say the play area. Slides, stacks of hay, a zipline, she was in heaven! She had so much fun that I took her back the next day.

My absolute new fave of my little red-headed boy:)

 

My big girl Sophie. I have a very similar picture from last year. I need to do a side by side:)

 



And, last but not least...my favorite new walker. I love that Connor is chilling with his sippy:)

Oh, and speaking of fall, I made these FABULOUS brownies, bars, whatever you want to call them. Next time, I'll most likely use 2 boxes of cream cheese:)
http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2011/11/cream-cheese-pumpkin-roll-bars.html



Connor:)

My sweet little Mr. Man is turning into quite a little bully. He's been biting us for weeks, but recently also started headbutting AND hair pulling. I'm hopeful it is all developmental and will stop as quickly as it started. He seems to go in phases with the biting. There were several weeks when there was none (and I thought it was over!) and then it started again. I have to think (hope??) it's related to teething. His 1 year molars are currently making their way.

I would not be surprised in the least if at least one of our neighbors has heard a random scream come from our house. This would be me or Dan, screaming because we're being bitten by the cutest little red-headed boy. It's to the point that I will purposely hold him facing away from me to avoid a bite. We're using sign language, but when we sign NO he just giggles. Avery has scabs on her shoulder from where she's been bitten by him (we didn't catch him at the time). I did catch him trying to bite her bum the other day. So thankful that he only was able to grab diaper. He got a hold of my finger last weekend and I screamed so loud that Dan came running. He.would.not.let.go. I had teeth marks on my finger for hours.

Last weekend, I witnessned him lean over and grab a chunk of A's hair and PULL. He pulled so hard that she fell over. It was like watching a trainwreck. I watched, thinking "oh no, he's not going to do that" and then watched him do it (shocked), and then more shock when he didn't let go and just pulled her over!

He will headbutt a person, anyone, who happens to be holding him. He also headbutts Avery. I think Sophie's too quick for him, lol.

How can this sweet little guy be a bully???

 

 

In ENT news, he had his monthly visit yesterday, to check on status of his hemangioma. She was really pleased that it has not only gotten smaller, but that it's much more "soft" than ever before. She thinks this is most likely because his weight has tapered off, while meds have stayed the same. We're staying the course one more month, and if it presents the same in November, she will reduce the Propanalol a bit and see what happens.

 

We also discussed tubes. He hasn't met the threshold of x infections in x months, but we did discuss the fact that at EVERY visit with her and most visits with his pedi, he has fluid. He was treated for an ear infection 2 weeks ago, despite not having one. Dr. R felt that there was enough fluid build-up that it was most likely heading into infection territory. He was already so inconsolable that she decided to treat it like an infection. So, next ENT visit he'll get a hearing test. We're both doubtful there is a hearing issue but she wants to rule it out, and then we'll talk about tubes, just to keep that fluid out of his ears. 

And so it begins...

The twins are crawling, they're moving and shaking. Although typically content to play with toys, usually Sophie's (because why on earth would they want to play with BABY toys), they've starting trying to invent fun.

Evidence #1: This is Sophie's room, while she was at daycare. It was clean-ish when we left yesterday morning.  They upturned every freaking thing in her room, and obviously found her stash of dipes. Poor Sophie looked a little stricken when she walked into her room last night. I just threw my hands in the air and said "it happens," which has been my go to phrase for Sophie lately. Because really, why get upset? It's an easy clean-up.

It reminded me of this little sweet potato, who ironically was 11 months old at the time. Is this some sort of development stage that I wasn't aware?

Evidence #2: Not long after, I found Avery tearing into one of the bins in her room. Nothing like needing to do a load of clean laundry:) And pardon the skin showing, those are 6-9 month jammies, and STILL fall off of her.

Evidence #3: And finally, Connor found the laundry chute while Avery discovered the toilet paper.

I wonder what this weekend will bring!?

some updates...

1) Connor had his follow-up ENT appt last week, which was his first one since Dan had been over-medicating him. I really went back and forth about whether to tell the dr about that, but in the end, I did. I'm not sure what I thought she was going to do...yell at me maybe, lol...but she chuckled at first, considering the original issue we had with Walgreens. She was extremely inerested to hear that he shows such improvement as the dose goes up, although she wasn't comfortable increasing him, based on weight. She said that's the first time she's seen such a direct response to increased dosing.

I finally got up the courage to ask about next steps/what will happen in the future. Ideally, this hemangioma will go away on it's on, and all we're currently doing is helping it to NOT get bigger where it might interfere with ears or throat. I asked if a minor surgery might be in the cards, and her response was that it would NOT be a minor surgery, based on the location of the hemangioma. The plan is to continue with the meds, hoping it goes away. If not, we could continue with the meds for YEARS, until he grows enough that the space she would be operating on is large enough to successfully complete the surgery.

2) Sophie seems to love her new daycare. I found the perfect place, which is a Center, but it runs out of a home, so it has the feel of a home daycare. Less institutional feeling. She's currently only going on Mon and Thurs, until a 3rd day opens. It's almost all girls, and they love doing all girly things. Dolls are everywhere:) Sophie was introduced to a sandbox for the first time this week, and cannot stop talking about it:) Looks like we'll be taking a trip to the beach next summer!

3) Her old sitter's husband had a mostly successful surgery. They don't believe it's cancer, but of course it's being tested. They weren't able to get it all, so are considering radiation to treat what was left. Apparently his vision improved significantly immediately after the surgery. VERY good news, so far.

Livid

I'm a huge proponent of picking the battles that I think I can win (or that need to be fought). I fought one last night. Connor still takes the Propanalol 2 mls, TID. Since I stopped pumping about 2 weeks ago, I have stopped making his bottles. When I was pumping, I would make them primarily because I was supplementing with formula and wanted to make sure he got the right amount, but also because Dan seems to think he will turn to stone if he touches breastmilk.

Dan has been making his daily bottles the last 10 days or so. My routine is to put 2 mls in each of his first three bottles, which are the three bottles that Dan has been making. I noticed a few days ago that the medicine was running low, it just seemed like we were running through it really quickly, but I didn't give it all that much thought. My main concern was that insurance won't refill until x date, and I didn't want him to go without.

Last night, something just told me to ask about the meds. The medicine was getting so low in the bottle that I couldn't draw out with a syringe, so I poured a bit into a medicine cup, took the syringe and gave it to Dan. I asked him to show me how much medicine he's been putting in each of the bottles. He looked at the syringe like he'd never seen it before. He told me that he always just pours it straight into the medicine cup, and then into the bottle. RED FLAG, the cup does not have a 2ml level. Apparently he's been giving him FIVE mls per bottle, which is over DOUBLE the prescribed amount.

When I calmly asked why he was giving him that much, his response was "because that's what I thought you said." I walked away. I looked at the bottle again, read the instructions AGAIN, and knew I was going to lose my shit. I was so mad I was shaking. Always cognizent that Sophie is listening, I somehow remained calm.

I questioned why he didn't read the bottle. He of course became defensive. "Well, perfect mom, why don't you make the bottles from now on?" I said that I would, but that I thought I could rely on him to administer medication correctly.

It's obviously not about the battle, it's about doing what we need to do to keep Connor healthy. I said something like "after the Walgreens debacle, how can you NOT read the label. You've been giving him over TWICE what he needs. It's an adult medicine that causes lowered heartrate." He just looked at me.

I finally just stopped. I'm too tired to fight, what's done is done, but yes I WILL be making Connor's bottles from now on. And, no wonder his hemangioma seems to have shrunk down to nothing.

Side note: I ALWAYS check the meds before I give anything. We seriously have a mini medicine chest on our kitchen counter. Most of it is for Sophie, but we also have the infant tylenol, Connor's meds, etc. I check the type, the name (if it's Rx), and the dose each time. I just don't trust my brain these days to make a guess at what I am giving them. Plus, with a possible red food dye allergy for Sophie, I check ingrediants as well.

Chaos

Our house is always full of chaos. To say it's never dull is an understatement. The anxiety I've been feeling over finding a daycare came to a head this am. My alarm clock (aka Connor) did NOT go off. I can normally count on him to wake up by 6:30. Today, it was 7:50 and Dan was actually the first one up. I freaked, knowing I have to get both myself and Sophie up and dressed asap. My goal is to get Sophie to daycare by 8:30 so she can eat breakfast. Knowing that wouldn't happen today, I had to add "fix breakfast" to my list,  before heading out the door.

I get in/out of the shower and go to check-on babies. Dan has them in their bouncy seats, eating their morning bottles. Connor's eye is red. "Why is Connor's eye red?" "Oh, he had so much green snot coming out of his nose last night that it got on his eye and sealed it shut." Oh, that's all. Great. Add "call the dr" to my list, before heading out the door.

I call the dr and am put on hold. I do my make-up while holding. I can multi-task. I talk to the nurse, just running it by her. "Oh, he's having copious amounts of green snot at his age...he needs to come in. Dr. R has an opening at 10:30 and 11:30." I take the 10:30 knowing full well that I have an 11 am meeting. Add "cancel meeting" to my list, before heading out the door.

Now it's really full speed ahead, as it's nearing 8:30 and Sophie is still in bed. I give her time to get out of her jammies. She refuses. I start to unzip her. "Me, me, ME!" OK, well then do it yourself, which actually means that she REzips her jammies, only to un-zip them again. She doesn't like the shirt I pick out. I offer her a second shirt. After a tantrum that she cannot wear the long-sleeved shirt she sees peeking out of her drawer, she decides on the original shirt.

We are potty training. I ask if she wants to wear a diaper or underpants to Stacey's, hoping against hope that she picks the diaper because that is easier for me. Nope. She wants her Dora (aka Dowa) panties. I only see one pair...at least they are clean. This means I need to find at least 2 more pairs to take to the sitter. There are none to be found, except possibly in that huge pile of clean laundry that is covering our entire couch. Do you know how hard it is to find 2 pairs of little girl size 4 underpants in that pile? Almost impossible, especially when I'm in such a hurry.

I can't find my hair brush. This is bad for both me and Sophie. There are just piles of crap EVERYWHERE. A pile of paperwork here, a pile of clothes there, random shoes all over, toys acting as landmines up and down the hall. I CAN'T TAKE IT! We are in the process of painting the twins room (finally, it's only been almost a year). Their room is a disaster in and of itself. The counters are full of crap, the dining room table is full of crap. I lose my shit. At least I didn't cuss. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I knew Sophie was watching and listening, so I kept it together as best I could. I thought Dan was going to yell at me for bitching, but thankfully (for him), he knew better.

Finally, we're off. I drop Sophie at Stacey's. Luckily, I'm so late there is no traffic. It's almost 9:30 by now and I'm debating what to do. Going to work for 40 minutes will be pretty fruitless, I know. So, I take on the task that I really don't want to do, but I do because I'm a good wife. I go to the Cremation office to get a death certificate for my mother-in-law, that Dan needs in order to title her car in his name.

I had no idea he had ordered one, until he told me last night that it was ready to pick up. I immediately offered to pick it up for him. He argued, pretty adamant in getting it himself. I kept pushing it though. It's bad enough that he will forever have the picture of his mom's body in his head, I certainly didn't want him smelling the smell of that building that I hoped I would never smell again. I am certain it would have sent him over the edge.  So, I pick it up. Luckily, I was only in the building up to a certain point, so although I did smell the smell, it wasn't nearly as strong as I remembered, the day that I saw her for the last time. But it was enough.

I got back to the car and cried. Why? I have no idea. The chaos of the morning, the anxiety about daycare, missing my mother in law, stress about buying a new car, re-fi'ing our mortgage, plus some.

Then, I took Connor to the pedi, where she confirmed an ear infection. That should explain (with the exception of last night) his inability to sleep lately.

I finally make it to my office, only to have my Outlook calendar remind me at 12:45, of a 1 pm meeting that I am running, for which I have no agenda.

All this, before I even have lunch. Or breakfast, actually.

9 months old!

The twins turned nine months yesterday. It has been a whirwind of busy-ness and chaos. Some days I try to remember, other days I'm honestly glad are over. Twins are hard. Twins and a toddler are even harder. The twins have so many physical needs to meet, while Sophie has so many emotional needs. Juggling them is nearly impossible. I think we do a decent job, probably better than decent most days, but it's usually at the expense of ourselves.

My diet is shit. It doesn't help that Dan is so busy he doesn't have much time to cook, although he is slowly easing back into that. Nothing sounds good, but I know I have to eat. So I eat crap.

It's been about 18 hours since I last pumped. I've been struggling with stopping pumping. I breastfed Sophie until she was one. I feel like if I don't do that with Connor that it means I love him less. Obviously not true. My supply has been dwindling for weeks, so he's been getting 50/50 breastmilk/formula. The truth is, I have no motivation to do anything that will increase my milk supply. None. When I wake in the morning it is the last thing on my mind, and when I go to bed at night, it's the very last thing I want to do, once snuggled up in bed.

Connor has only been breastfed twice, once in the NICU and once when we came home. The logistics of breastfeeding twins is nearly impossible. Huge kudos to twin/triplet moms who can pull it off. I couldn't. Avery let me off the hook when she went on Nutra.migen at 10 weeks. If not for that, my supply would have surely dwindled months ago. I'm just tired of it. If I *were* breastfeeding, it might be a different story, but there is just no emotional attachment to a plastic thing stuck to my boob a few times a day.

But there is guilt. My sweet, sweet boy deserves the best and I'm just too tired to do it anymore. I know many wonderful, WONDERFUL moms who never breastfed, and I'm sure they love their kids as much as I love Connor.

I haven't firmly decided I'm done, but the fact that I haven't pumped since about 8 pm last night says alot. And I'm not engorged. That's how low my supply has gotten.

As for the twins, they are fantastic:) Little Avery is a powerhouse. She's been army crawling for a few weeks, and ready anytime to take off on all fours. Avery is all over, moving around like a little worm. I think Connor will be skipping the army crawl (Sophie did too), as he's definately trying to figure out the hands and knees thing.

They are both sitting independently, although Connor is probably a bit better than Avery. She is trying desperately to sit from a lieing down position.

Connor has 4 teeth, with a 5th to come soon. Avery is the slacker with just her two bottom teeth;)

Connor is my giggly boy; Avery is the cuddler. She is quick to cry, but relatively easy to sooth, at least with the tricks I have figured out. Connor is NOT a fusser, but when he does is almost inconsolable at times. This is probably because he usually only cries when something hurts; while Avery just has that mentality of "look at me, I'm crying, pick me up."

Their 9 month pedi appt is tomorrow so I'll know official stats then, but for now:
1) they are getting ready to move to size 4 diapers
2) Connor wears 6-9 or 9 month clothes; Avery is in 6 or 6-9
3) 4 bottles a day, about 30 oz of formula/breast milk
4) Two solids a day, usually a fruit and a veggie. Connor still has a pretty significant gag reflex so he doesn't do well with anything except really pureed foods. Avery loves food so much that she sucks it off the spoon, and gnaws the spoon with her teeth:)
5) Connor's hair is red, with the start of a wave/curl on top; Avery's brown hair has lightened alot and looks almost blonde.
6) Both still have blue eyes.


This was taken today:)

Mother's Day 2012

After we endured 4 hours from a screaming Connor, the day got progressively better Poor guy. I thought he was teething, but in hindsight I think it was tummy trouble. These two little babies have more issues than I would ever think possible with their stomachs/gas/poop/etc. I’m not sure what more we can deal with in this area then we already have, but you won’t catch me saying that outloud!


I was able to “sleep in” until 7:45, which is quite an accomplishment since Connor’s screaming started at 6:30. Dan gave me a card, which was more than enough, especially considering my semi recent splurges on an IPad and new DSLR camera. I was a bit sad that Sophie’s sitter hadn’t sent anything home for me that Sophie had made

My parents and grandmother came to visit for a bit, and then it was back to business as usual. I did get the almost impossible gift of having each of my 3 babies nap on me. First Connor, who was completely exhausted from his scream-fest, slept on me for an hour. As he was waking, Avery was starting to melt-down so then SHE fell asleep on me. Last but not least, at 3:55, Sophie finally gave in and fell asleep in my arms. I can’t think of much better presents than those.

As Avery fell asleep last night (the first time), I held her for almost an hour, as thoughts of my mother in law floated around in my head. It was Sunday, it was Mother’s Day, and it was gorgeous outside. Under other circumstances, she would most definitely have been at our house, waiting for Dan to finish grilling. I could tell he was thinking about her too. I know he thinks about her often, but there are times when he’ll go to the grocery, or a restaurant, and bring something home that she would have bought. Last night it was asparagus. She loved grilled asparagus, so that’s what we had

I keep thinking about an argument that he and I had a few weeks before she died. I was standing in the kitchen, and he was in the dining room. The twins were about 4 weeks old. We weren’t yelling, but our voices were raised. It was the same disagreement that came up frequently in those days. “You need to quit asking your mom for so much help with the babies.” Don’t get me wrong, she was a tremendous help to us, but I was also of the opinion that we needed to figure out how to do this thing/how to manage, on our own. I will never forget him saying something very close to “she could have a stroke and die tomorrow.” My response was “oh whatever, your mom is not going to DIE.” And then she did.

One of the last things out of Sophie’s mouth last night was “Nana. Gone.” She says it with finality.

And for a few pics of the McBabies…

Pardon Mr. Man’s snot droplet. There is no time in my world right now for Photo Shop!

Avery, Mother’s Day Eve…the twins were almost completely unswaddled, but then the UTI hit (as well as the re-emergence of tummy issues), so I swaddle her as needed. She’s still small enough to fit in there

Santa brought this to Sophie, but it never made it under the tree.

Finally, (hoping this works here), a 25 second video of Sophie and Avery, about 10 pm last night. I have NEVER heard Avery giggle like this. Sophie LOVED the attention she was getting from her. She would dance a bit and Avery would just give these belly laughs. It went on for a few minutes:)

29 months!

May 5 marked Sophie’s 29th “month day”


A few unofficial stats…

1) Size 5 diaper

2) Wearing 2T and 3T clothes. 2T on bottom, 3T on top because she likes to make sure her belly is covered:)

3) her hair continues to lighten. She got it cut a few weeks ago and the hairdresser mentioned that her "new" hair is very very blonde. Her curl will be gone with the next hair cut:(

4) Grey-blue eyes.

5) Definitely has phases of food likes and dislikes. Likes are "usually" cheese, chicken nuggets, goldfish, bananas, grapes, yogurt.

6) STILL sleeping in our bed. I have GOT to work on this.

7) Said her first 5 word phrase a few weeks ago. Otherwise, communicates very well with her 3 word phrases. She’s suddenly been very quick to repeat things Dan and I say. This is both a fun and no-so-fun thing:-/

She’s started saying “big” words like elephant.

8) She has phases of self-potty training. This week alone she’s gone twice on her potty, without mentioning anything to us. We are letting her take the lead on this---just don’t have much time in our schedule to work on it. I’m sure it helps that she’s the only one at daycare who is NOT potty trained.

9) 2 year molars have been coming in. She's been drooling as much, if not more, than the babies.

10) She is SO shy in front of the camera. I can rarely get a smile.

11) She has officially been put in "time out", when she actually understood what was going on. She's not a fan. She likes to hit, and then laugh.

12) She says “a, b, c, d, and then the rest of the alphabet is just one super long syllable The Easter Bunny brought her a $1 set of cards that has a different letter on each one. She calls these her “ABC Cards” and LOVES them

13) She is starting to count, as well as hold up the right number of fingers when counting.

14) I don’t even know what term to use, but she’s started matching colors. If she’s playing with a red block and has on a red shirt, she’ll say “same.”

15) Her favorite color is purple.

16) She adores sidewalk chalk.

17) She’s recently taken a strong interest in playing mommy to her dolls. She’ll wrap them in a blanket and rock them.

18) If the babies cry and she’s not in the mood to hear it she’ll say “NO, A-B” or “NO, Ton-r.”

19) She likes to “pick the nuckies” from her toes. This makes me cringe, not because I think it’s gross (it’s really funny!), but because I hope I’m not witnessing the onset of OCD! It has gotten better over the past few weeks, I just don’t mention anything when I see her doing it.

20) This is her "I know I'm in trouble look." Head down, chin pulled into her chest;)

Sophie trying to put her toes in her mouth, because her brother and sister like to do the same:)

A classic Sophie face (and legs complete with blue highlighter). This was taken about a month ago. While we're at it, classic Connor with his belly hanging out and hand in his mouth:)

Ignore me, but this is another classic Sophie face that I am NEVER able to capture. She loved our self-portrait session:)