"Why can't we just have one kid?"

This is the question I get from Dan last night. The odd thing was, we weren't talking about babies, kids, IF, IVF, nothing. We were watching Amer.ican Id.ol, and this question comes out of the blue. I asked what made him ask that question. He said he just doesn't understand why all his friends have kids, and we just want one and can't. It's statements like this that make me realize that big manly man Dan wants this as much as I do, and is struggling right along with me. It upset me to hear him say it, like I felt like I am letting him down. But at the same time, it's nice to know we're in this together. I mean, physically, of course we're in it together, but emotionally...it's a little harder to see how it affects him.

Stims start tonight! I'm trying to plan little fun things for myself over the next week, something to get me through each day. Once stims start, it's really all downhill and my psychic prediction of March 12 for an ER date is growing closer.

I'm finding myself getting a little optimistic, too optimistic in my opinion. For example, I actually made up the image in my head last night of the nurse calling me with a positive pregnancy test. What would I do? What would I say? Would I cry? Would I be speechless? I guess I'd rather plan bad situations in my head so that I can prepare for the worst. Lord, that will be a horrible day if it's negative.

I've been wearing my Angie bracelet. I've been carrying around Fertility Person. Today, my new supervisor gave me a little set of fertility candles. Very sweet thought. It caught me off guard a bit. But it's so nice to have a new person on my side, rooting for me.

In very exciting news, someone may be interested in adopting Sally!!! We're supposed to meet her on Sunday, and if her current dog gets along with Sally then she will take her. This would be a huge load off of us. Neither of us wants to take her back to the shelter, but we also can't keep her.

My Fertility Person...

I've never had a fertility good luck charm, and I've never really been superstitious about anything in regard to fertility. Now though, I have my very own Fertility Person. You will think I've lost my mind, but I don't think it wants to be photographed. Seriously, I took 6 different pics last night, in hopes of posting one here, and each one I took was blurry. I could not get a focused picture, even though looking through the camera lense it appeared clear. Ripleys...believe it or not...:o)

Anyway, this little Person (I'm calling a "person" to be politically correct and to not piss FP off b/c we really don't know guy or girl) was loaned to me by Sara, and has many healthy pregnancy's under its belt, including Sara's. Most recently, it was loaned to a woman who was going through her 4th IVF, and who got a BFP that cycle. Yes, the rational/logical side of me thinks ok, well it was her 4th IVF, odds are it was just her time to be successul. Sara on the other hand touched it once, ONCE and got pregnant, as did a few others in her office. I have met FP once before, but that was over lunch at Taco Bell. And as Sara said I didn't really get to "bond' with FP so now is my chance.

So it is mine now, at least for the next few weeks. FP is tiny, maybe 2.5 inches tall, but perfect to hold in my hand. I carry it in my pocket to work, and then put it on my desk. At night, I've been sleeping with it under my pillow.

Have I lost my mind? Probably. I don't doubt it. But at this point, what do I have to lose? And yes, I will be taking it with me to my transfer. Dan can hold one hand, and I'll hold FP in the other.