Sunday, May 31, 2009

When oh when...

does the 2nd trimester start? I know there are different theories, but they just make me more confused. For me, I thought it was today (13w3d)...but then I start googling and I saw something that said the start of week 14. Dr. S told me "anything after 12 weeks" which was way too lax for my uptight personality so I didn't listen.

I know I'm close, but HOW close??!!!

Things seem to be progressing. My symptoms have gone from 90-100% of the time to 50-75% of the time. All this means though is that I get lulled into a feeling of "ahhh the yuckies are over"...and then they sneak up and kick my butt.

I think my bloat is about gone. My squishy stuff is definately being taken over by a harder feeling. Maternity pants/short are my new best friend. You wouldn't think I'd need them yet, but they are oh so comfortable.

11 days until next OB appt. Our NT results should be here any day. They said we'd get a post card 7-10 days after the scan, and tomorrow is 11 days. Suprisingly, I haven't even thought about it.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

13 weeks and NEEDING chocolate

I made it to 13 weeks, and am loving the peach for the fruit of the week!

Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body.

Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy. (Much more convenient.)

I apparently am also loving chocolate. I decided to go to the grocery to grab a donut before work...chocolate long john. Of course I needed milk, so on the way to the dairy section I saw some chocolate pudding snacks that looked just wonderful. Grabbed those. Then, on the way to the aisle to get plastic silverware, I passed a display of triple chunk chocolate brownies. You guessed it, I grabbed those too.

The crazy thing is that I am NOT a chocolate fan. Sure, I'll eat it, but it's not my idea of a treat. Except for today.

My symptoms seem to be TRYING to slow down a bit. Two nights ago, after a busy day at work, I went home and was in over-drive getting things done, and had to force myself to bed at 10:30. Last night, I was asleep by 6:30. The nauseau is much better, with the exception of almost puking up a glass of water this morning. Yuck.

My boss told me (affectionately of course!) that I am looking "poochy." I'll take it, it's better than bloated:-)

Friday, May 22, 2009


I've started going live with our news. There are some co-workers I've been wanting to tell, and was so excited yesterday that I did just that. Of course, I get the usual responses (which follow lots of yelling and jumping up and down, of course). "Were you trying?, "Is this your first?", "How do you feel?" To all, I responded with something like "oh, yes, we tried for four long years, and it took us 2 IVF's to get to this point. Yes, I feel like crap, but am ecstatic everyday that I am sick and fatigued." That seemed to go over well. I could immediately see that they, if not "got it" then at least had some sort of idea where I was coming from.

Then there is the co-worker who said (as I was showing her the u/s picture) "the first page of my son's baby book is of his first u/s." My response? "Well, since we did IVF our first picture of baby is when it was just an embryo." She looked at my like I had 3 heads. Did I say something wrong? Make her uncomfortable? I don't know, and I really don't care.
Dan and I are both very open about what we went through. It is our reality, just like some people's reality is getting pregnant on their honeymoon. I'm open about the fact that we spent $40ishK to get pregnant, that we have 2 frozen embryos in a lab, that I went through surgery and nights and nights/weeks and weeks of shots to get to this point. Dan is open about the fact that he had to do his thing in a cup, and inject me with 70 shots (and that was just for IVF #2).

My goal isn't to make people uncomfortable, but if our situation educates, or better yet HELPS one person, I think it's fantastic. I get that some people are embarrassed by IF, or don't share their struggles b/c friends/family have opposing religious/political views, but we aren't like that.

I think of Dr. K every day. As we left the u/s yesterday, she is honestly the first person I wanted to call. I didn't of course. If all is still well at 20 weeks, I'll send her an u/s pic, and hopefully a pic of my obvious baby belly, and of course a thank you card. I'm starting to cry just thinking about it. I just owe her so much...

And speaking of awareness, here's the shirt I've been dying to get. Maybe I'll take the plunge and order after next Dr. S appt.

And of course one for McBaby

Thursday, May 21, 2009

NT scan at 12 weeks

First things first. 12 weeks today. HOORAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had a nice long visit with McBaby today. The tech needed certain pics and baby was just not cooperating. Since that was the reason we were there, we had no choice but to get a nice long look.

Everything looked great! I asked if she would please appease me and show me the h/b before getting to what she was trying to do. She did, and it was there (162bpm) and I instantly relaxed.

We got to see fingers and toes and a big belly and skinny little legs:-) We were just in awe. I think we both could have sat there all day, just looking. Once she zoomed out for the full body look, I started crying. There was our baby, head to toe, looking wonderful and the tears started flowing. Poor tech thought she was hurting me. Dan explained that I get "like that" alot these days;-) The only result we got today was that one of the measurements needed to be less than 3, and ours was 1.2 so that's good. The rest will come via postcard in 7-10 days. I'm not too worried. I'm not worried at all actually.

She *did* make a gender prediction and I hate to put it here, but it's like a secret we can't keep. She guessed GIRL. JUST A GUESS. She didn't see an inkling of anything "extra." Now, I know that the guess would be more likely to be right if it was a boy, since it's hard to miss something if it's there. McBaby could still be a boy...just a slow grower if you know what I mean;-)

Anyhoo...that's my story for the day. Next u/s will be the BIG u/s at 20 weeks, where we can confirm gender.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

my new (kind of sick) obsession

My curiousity has turned into obsession. Each day, I google whatever day pregnant am (today would be 11 weeks, 5 days) and look at all u/s pictures that I can find. It's a bonus if there is actually a video. I am just intrigued by what is going on inside of me right now, and apparently have the need to see.it.every.day.

It's weird, and kind of sick, and gross...I know all these things but I still do it.

I'm actually thinking of taking our camera to the NT scan on Thursday, not to take a picture, but b/c it has a 2-3 minute video capacity. Then I'd have my own video:-)

Symptoms wise...nausea is still there, but not as constant as it has been. I opted not to get the Zofran script filled, since my lovely insurance company won't pay for it, and I refuse to pay $150 for 30 pills. So, unless it gets REALLY bad, I'll just suck it up.

I continue to be completely exhausted. My b-day was Sunday. I was asleep by 6 pm. I'm regularly sleeping AT LEAST 10 hours a day, sometimes straight through...other times with a nap or two built in.

I've been noticing my dreams have also been getting more "real." Last night, I actually dreampt that I was having a nightmare. In my dream, I was able to tell myself it was a nightmore, and actually got to "enjoy" it, since I knew it wasn't real. It was sort of like watching my own scary movie.

The closer it gets, I'm extremely nervous about Thursday. I just feel like if all looks good I can finally start to relax and enjoy. (OK, I know this probably isn't the case, but it's what I tell myself to get through another day). And by "look good" I simply mean a good heart beat. Even if we get discouraging news regarding Downs or something else, I will consider it a great day if there is a still a heart beating at the correct rate.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

McBaby is a lime!

It's 10:15 pm. How am I awake, do you wonder? Simple. I've been asleep since about 6:-)

Two little milestones today. 1) McBaby graduated to lime stage, and 2) the little lime still has a heart beat! Dr. S tried to hear the h/b with a doppler. When I reminded her of my retroverted uterus, she put that down and went straight to the u/s machine. Yes, it was the crappy one, but it was just fine with me.

I saw baby, and then immediately went searching for the h/b. I must have said something like "Where's the h/b? Is there still a h/b?" She zeroed in on it for me and I was immediately a happy camper.

She also gave me a script for Zofran. I'm excited about starting that, in hopes of feeling somewhat normal. I told her about my headaches and she told me they go hand in hand with the nauseau. Oh, and she said my weight gain was in normal limits (i.e. about 3 pounds).

We go back in 4 weeks!!!
Not the best scan, but like I said it's the crappy u/s machine.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

unnecessary (??) paranoia

I woke up today with a not so good feeling. There is nothing obviously wrong (i.e. no spotting), and I still feel like crap, but I'm just having a not so positive day. Thankfully OB appt is tomorrow. Maybe I am just preparing myself should 1) we get an u/s and 2) things don't look so good? I don't know, but I don't like the feeling. The rational side of me is saying everything is fine, but still.

I "came out" to some more people at work yesterday. Maybe subconsciously I feel like I'm jinxing myself??

Why can't I just be normal, with normal thoughts?

Monday, May 11, 2009

The beans have been spilled...

After much thought, I came to the conclusion to that Mother's Day was a good day to "spill the beans" to family. Some people knew already (parents, sister, etc), but others I've been holding off on "just in case." I broke down and now both grandmas know, along with some other extended family. News travels fast I guess, as I got a call from an aunt this morning.

So...it's out! Exciting and scary all at the same time.

I hope to breath a sigh of relief on Thursday (assuming we get another u/s at OB appt), and then a bigger sigh of relief at NT scan on May 21.

I also made my first maternity purchase this weekend. Note that I didn't buy something for baby, just me. I can't go there yet. I got a few camisoles and maternity tank tops that are just a bit roomier than what I'm currently wearing. They seem to fit pretty well now, so who knows how long they'll last me.

Nauseau is still kicking my butt, along with INTENSE fatigue. All I want to do is sleep, although mornings seem to be my best time of day. By 2 pm, I'm starting to go downhill. By 7 pm? Forget it.

Friday, May 8, 2009

PIO is done!!!!

Dan gave me my last bootie shot last night, finally. I never thought the day would come. 70 days of shots with this size needle...
...really wears on a girls nerves (and her husbands). Believe it or not, the needle itself isn't as bad as you think, it's the OIL that goes in that makes it rough. It's thick, and takes forever to go in.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Little prune got a present:-)

First things first, since it's Thursday.
Week 10: Prune

With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)
I can't really say that I find prunes appetizing, much less like to think that that's what's going on inside right now, but whatever. I think it's more about the length of measurement, so I'm happy to see that McBaby is hopefully on its way to 2 inches!!!
The little prune got a present last night!!!! Lisa and her mom send us an adorably cute onesie that says Worth the Wait. Dan had already opened the package, so it was lying on the table when I got home. I saw that it was a onesie and started crying (yes, I did), and THEN I saw what it said and the tears were really flowing. Hormones are getting the better of me these days.
As is exhaustion. Mon night I slept 12 hours, Tues and Wed, 10 hours. It's insane. I've heard about the exhaustion, but this is just ridiculous. I start going downhill by early afternoon, and by the time I get home I am useless.
We're in the process of trying to schedule the NT scan. My OB nurse actually schedules it, and hasn't been able to get in touch with the office that does them, so I'm a bit frustrated with that.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Sisterhood Award!!!

GO ME!! Jen nominated me for this blogger award. I love that other people read my blog. I hope that means that what I have gone through has helped someone else, or at least provided someone a bit of encouragement.

Here are the guidelines for this award:
1) Put the logo on your blog or post.
2) Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
3) Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
4) Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

The ladies I nominate represent those that have beat/are beating IF, as well as those that haven't made it, yet. I say yet, b/c I know they will.

Kelly from Not How I Planned
Kristen from Hopeful Wishes
Krissy from Someday, Someway
Jackie from Is it My Turn Yet
Andrea from Preheated Oven
Lisa from Helping Make Sense
Mary from Meepit on Parade
Jenn from When Will Faith and Hope Pay Off
Rebekah from Infertilty and Beyond
Leah from Crazy Infertile
Andrea from Andrea in Indiana

Something that's been weighing on my mind ALOT are those women who are still trying to "get to the other side." I'm sad for them and their situation, but mostly I feel guilt b/c I made it (so far) and they haven't. Kind of like survivor's guilt I guess. We've known each other for quite a while, have known the ins and outs of each others particular situation. Why was I the one to make it this time? I don't get it, and am getting rather teary just thinking about it. Of course I am beyond grateful that I did, but it's still painful to know that my friends are still struggling. I hate it. It's just not fair. I am rooting for each of them more than they know.

Friday, May 1, 2009

First OB appt...

It went well! The nurse had documented my Tues spotting episode, so Dr. S did an u/s. I totally wasn't expecting that, and it was nothing like the high tech machine they have at the RE office, but we got to see a fuzzy McBaby and its little beating heart:-) I actually think that Dr. K sent her a note about me (she said she was going to), and probably mentioned that I could be a bit high maintainance. Instead of scheduling my next appt for 4 weeks, I go again in 13 days. YAHOO!!!! Very excited about that. I can handle these little chunks of time.

Dr. S answered alot of our questions. She really pushed excercising NOW (walking, yoga, etc), and watching the carbs. I told her carbs are about all I can stomach and she said that's fine for now, but I need to gradually cut back on them. In her ideal world I will gain no more than 30 pounds. That seems reasonable, based on all the IF weight I packed on.

She also discussed the NT scan in some detail. This is the scan where among other things they can access the markers for Down's Syndrome. She's a big proponent of it. I was really 50/50 going into the appt. After talking with her though, Dan really wants it done. It has to be done between 11-14 weeks, so I need to schedule that soon. Can I admit that for selfish reasons, I'm excited about it, b/c it means we get to see McBaby again??

All in all, my first appt as a "normal" pregnant lady was ok. Seems like I still got a few bonuses...which I feel I've earned.