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Friday, March 27, 2009

Scared of the stick and oh so grateful...

Well, tomorrow is the day (unless I chicken out, which may happen). I had what I thought was a brilliant idea this morning. I pulled out my one last digital pregnancy test from way in the back of the bathroom cabinet. The idea was to pull it out, set it on the counter, look at it tonight, get used to is sitting there...in hopes of de-sensitizing myself to it and the idea of what it might tell me. I'm not kidding when I say I pulled the box out of the cabinet, pulled the plastic wrapped test out of the box, FREAKED OUT...threw the test back in the box, and the box back in the cabinet and slammed the door.

I'm afraid. Desparately afraid of it being negative. I know I have "plans" but I'm just not ready to see the NOT in front of the PREGNANT. Damn digital...the most expensive stick I will ever pee on. I think I could handle the line tests better. The absense of the 2nd line is a little less harsh than the presence of the NOT.

Spotting is the same. SOmetimes none, sometimes brown, not really pink anymore........

Now on to the grateful part...

Irregardless of what tomorrow (or Monday) brings, Dan and I feel so grateful to be surrounded by such caring people. Some people I/we have known FOREVER, some just a little while, and some we've never met; some are family, and some most definately feel like family. The thoughts, vibes, prayers, good juju, etc from everyone are SO much appreciated. I've received gifts, free meds (!!!), prayers from Japanese fertility gods and most recently the gracious offer of places to stay, should our quest for baby force us to look outside of STL. Last but not least, 3 different people have offered to carry our child, should it (God forbid) come to that. The knowledge that we still have choices, thanks to the generosity of others, keeps me going.

Thank you:-)

6 comments:

Sara Scissors said...

I know you're scared. I can't tell you not to be. I just really do hope for the best tomorrow. As wonderful as all those other options are I don't want you to have to need them. You are a wonderful person and would make a great mother. You're in my prayers that this is it...((HUGS))

Stacy said...

Thinking of you and sending lots of good luck your way! I really feel like this is it for you. You have no idea how much I am rooting for you. (((big hugs)))

I started out with the two line test. I didn't think I could handle possibly seeing the "not pregnant" flash up at that point. If the digital freaks you out more, go get a regular test and use it first.

Sara said...

Love you both!!! You're in my thoughts and prayers. Maybe I should stop by and see the Nuns tonight!?

Go to the store and get a different stick...

Just Caz said...

goodluck with tomorrow!!!

Amanda said...

I follow your blog and just want to wish you the best of luck. I hate digitals since you have to wait and watch that little timer and wait for it to pop up. But then with sticks I end up focusing way to hard on the 2nd line and going cross eyed!
Either way, I wish you the best of luck!

andrea said...

lots and lots of prayers...now & always