Sunday, September 28, 2008

pity party weekend

I've been feeling sorry for myself all weekend. On Friday, I was surprised with the news that my cousin is pregnant. Apparently this was a well kept secret and my grandma spilled the beans. I was ok at first, it wasn't a shock really. THen as the day went on I just got more and more upset. Jealousy I suppose? I just want one. One child. That is ALL I am asking for. Is that too much? I slept most of the day on Friday out of some sort of depressive funk, I guess.

Last night, Dan and I celebrated our 10th anniversary of the day we met:-) We went to our favorite restaurant. It was nice; I brought up a serious IF discussion with him, which he was very open to, thankfully. I won't discuss it here, yet...but I'm hopeful that we may have another option.

Someone posted on the nest a few days ago about missing their embryos. I didn't respond to the post, but I've been thinking about it all weekend. It seems crazy to miss embryos...but I do. I miss that they are not in a lab growing, cells dividing. I miss that they are not in a freezer waiting for me. Most of all, I miss that they are not inside me, growing and thriving. It's a weird sort of loss, but it is there. They were something that Dan and I created, and they are gone now. All of them. We had 5 healthy embryos and now they are gone. It makes me sad.

To top it off, the FET period from hell arrived this morning. I will not go into details...but I think it's the worst period I have.ever.had.

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

If I could fly to STL, I would gladly join your party. I'm there in spirit!