In the 1 week wait

Here I sit, patiently waiting for something…anything…to give me an indication of pregnant or not. Of course I don’t want the “not” but I’d rather know that not know. 6 days until beta. With my fresh IVF cycle, I started spotting, brown at first, at 7dp5dt. So, that means I *could* start spotting tomorrow. I’m one of the freaks of nature that actually spots through the PIO or p4 supps. The p4 is supposed to hold off AF, but it doesn’t for me. So my first teeny tiny goal is to get through tomorrow with no spotting. If so…next goal is to get through the weekend without seeing red. If that’s the case…I might start feeling a little teeny bit hopeful.

No real symptoms of anything, not even PIO symptoms. I’m bloated I guess but that’s about it. This morning I had this weird sensation that was like needles being jabbed into my girlie parts. It felt like the pain was from the outside in. Don’t know what it was, but it was new to me. Lasted about 10 seconds, then came back again and then gone.

I still don’t have any desire to POAS. I’m sure that’s partly b/c the only test I have left is a digital, “the most expensive stick you’ll ever pee on.” I don’t want to pee on $30 only to have it say NOT PREGNANT. Definitely not my idea of a good time. The absence of a 2nd line is a bit easier to take that the glaring NOT.

As I was falling asleep last night I realized that I can completely envision both scenarios. I can hear my nurse (who I love) calling to say Congrats!; I can also hear her saying I’m sorry. I don’t know. I’m feeling rather calm about the whole thing. I’m definitely more optimistic than negative, despite the odds stacked against this cycle. Sure, there’s a 31% chance it will work, which means there’s a 69% chance that it won’t.

A wonderful Nestie offered up 2 boxes of Gonal-F for $25 a box yesterday. I jumped at that offer, hoping I won’t need it of course. If I DO need it though, it’s enough to just about get me through another fresh IVF, plus I have a box of Lupron at home, leftover from IVF. That means that the most expensive meds for another cycle are already taken care of. We wouldn’t need to do ICSI, but I would want assisted hatching. I think we could do another cycle for just over $10k, which sounds like peanuts after our almost $15k for first cycle. I don’t know. I’m sure all this looking forward is just a defense mechanism in the event the FET is a bust.