Sunday, October 12, 2008

Not a great IF weekend

For starters, I felt myself starting to O on Friday night. Yes, for those of you who think I'm an idiot, I can feel it. My anxiety level went up immediately. I knew there was no hope of doing anything about it, so I tried to talk myself down from the ledge. Seriously though, I hate being this in tune with my body. It sucks. Why can I just be in blissful oblivion? I know that the chances of conceiving without medical intervention are about null at this point, so why try? Rationally, I know this. However, it didn't stop me from thinking that I was wasting my eggs for another month. Ugh.

Then, last night I had a horrible IF dream. I can't tell you specifically what it was about, b/c I don't remember it all. I remember just enough to know it was about IF and an un-supportive family (which I don't have) and I woke up with my heart pounding. Horrible, horrible. Guess I can discuss that at my therapy appt tomorrow. Yes, I finally made one, for 3 pm on Monday. I'm not really sure what good it's going to do, but I'll try it and see what I think.

In fun news...since I started this post early this morning I got to have breakfast with a friend I met on the Nest, and her sweet little boy:-) It so helps to talk about this crap, and also to see that I *can* get to the other side...I just have to wait my turn:-(

Our conversation also got me thinking about getting a lap. Mentally, I had left it as...well Dr. K doesn't think I need it, so why do it. Also, I was going to get ask Dr. S at my second opinion appt. If he said I didn't need it, I would believe both of them. But I think it might give me some piece of mind. I'm hoping to get a call from Dr. K next week, to update me on the RE group consensus of my case. When I talk to her, I'm going to ask if she could do the lap and the beta-3 integrin test at the same time. This is a test to determine implantation issues. This was on my list of questions for last week...but the conversation totally took another turn in talking about IVF #2 and I didn't ask.

So that's my weekend. Nothing too exciting. I have my letter to HR just about finalized, and hope to be sending that next week.

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