This may be long, since I've already had a full day and it's just now noon:-)
Dan's phone died, so we replaced it last night. With the phone was a $50 rebate. I woke up this morning to the knowledge that we can't send in the rebate without the UPC code...which is on the box...in the trashbag...in the dumpster. I was a woman possessed. I just kept thinking of that UPC code as a 50 dollar bill. So...off Sierra and I go to the dumpster, which is one of those very deep, industrial size ones. I couldn't let Sierra off her leash b/c there's an alpha dog up the street that is just waiting to attack her (and she feels the same way).
It's my luck that the trash people came yesterday, and so our trashbag was at the bottom of the dumpster. The good news was there was only one other trash bag and I knew which one was ours. I found some branches nearby to try to stab the bag with and pull it up. Three tries and three broken branches. I finally found a branch that was a little sturdier, but it still wouldn't pull up the bag.
Finally...I looked around to see if anyone was watching, gave one final stab to the bag and let go of the lid (meaning I was leaning into the dumpster with no support), and I got my trashbag!!!
I pulled out the cell phone box and Sierra and I were on our way:-)
In IF news...I had my pre-op appt with Dr. K this morning. She let me know again that she didn't think the surgery is necessary, but respects my desire to have it done and see what, if anything, is going on in there. I left feeling a little scared as she talked to me about all the risks...knowing that this is indeed an elective surgery and not something that HAS to be done. They will also do another HSG while they are in there, to ensure my tubes are clean. thank GOD I'll be knocked out, as that was the most horrible test I've had so far.
Beta-3 intergrin test isn't looking good. She's asked several people at the university and no one is doing this test clinically. If she can't find someone who is doing it clinically (meaning for non-research purposes) she can't do it.
She also thinks the Family Fund fundraiser for November will be cancelled. She isn't sure, but did say it's not a great time to be asking people for money. I get that, but am upset that this isn't an option right now.
If we can scrape the $$ together, she did say I could start Lupron with my December cycle, and be ready for the ER in January. Guess I'll be asking my parents for more money.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I'm having a lap!!
It is finally scheduled for next Tues. I have a pre-op appt with Dr. K on Friday morning, and a pre-testing appt on Friday afternoon. Not really sure what the difference is, but the pre-testing is with a different group of people. I guess they will go over what to expect, risks, etc...but I thought my appt with Dr. K would cover that. Who knows.
The semi-good news is that as of this morning they hadn't made a decision on whether she'd do the beta 3 intergrin test along with the lap. I say that's semi-good news b/c to me it means they haven't shot down the idea. I guess I'll know on Friday.
How exciting and scary all out the same time. This is my first surgery ever, so I guess it is really just fear of the unknown. I guess I'm excited to know we could potentially find something that will give us some answers. I'm grasping at straws and am ready to do anything to find answers.
The semi-good news is that as of this morning they hadn't made a decision on whether she'd do the beta 3 intergrin test along with the lap. I say that's semi-good news b/c to me it means they haven't shot down the idea. I guess I'll know on Friday.
How exciting and scary all out the same time. This is my first surgery ever, so I guess it is really just fear of the unknown. I guess I'm excited to know we could potentially find something that will give us some answers. I'm grasping at straws and am ready to do anything to find answers.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Free to a good home
It was a gorgeous fall weekend here in STL. Dan and I were out walking Sierra, trying to take advantage of the weather. We live in the city, but in a very residential area, with lots of young families. As we're walking through the neighborhood, I notice an empy stroller sitting in someone's front yard. Not really that uncommon, I expected a toddler to come running out, ready to go for a stroll. As we got closer, I noticed a sign on the stroller that said "free to a good home." My first thought...even before the thought of "ew, it might be gross, or damaged" was...I need that stroller. My mind immediately started spinning to try to figure out how to say this to Dan. Then I realized...I don't need a stroller, free or not...b/c I do not have a use for one.
Fun. People are giving away baby stuff...and I still can't have it, b/c there is no use for it. That's all I need, to have a stroller sitting in our spare bedroom, just mocking me...daring me to look at it. Blah.
In other news...AF is here, right on schedule. I have a call in to Dr. K's office to schedule my lap and confirm insurance coverage. I still haven't heard if the beta-3 integrin test is an option, guess I need to figure that out also.
Good news about our donation fund for Amy! As Dan calls it the "Amy Fund" has over $620!!! I continue to be so amazed at the generosity. No news from Amy. I e-mailed her this morning but haven't heard back yet.
Fun. People are giving away baby stuff...and I still can't have it, b/c there is no use for it. That's all I need, to have a stroller sitting in our spare bedroom, just mocking me...daring me to look at it. Blah.
In other news...AF is here, right on schedule. I have a call in to Dr. K's office to schedule my lap and confirm insurance coverage. I still haven't heard if the beta-3 integrin test is an option, guess I need to figure that out also.
Good news about our donation fund for Amy! As Dan calls it the "Amy Fund" has over $620!!! I continue to be so amazed at the generosity. No news from Amy. I e-mailed her this morning but haven't heard back yet.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
shocked and amazed...
UPDATE: As of 11/11...we've collected over $900 for Amy and her family!!!!!!!
at the generosity I have witnessed in the past 2 days.
I don't even know how to start this post. A friend who I initially "met" through the internet, and have since become friends with in real life is facing a horrible situation right now. I posted about her situation a few months ago, but have a bit more info now.
Amy's husband was diagnosed with brain cancer in the Spring. This diagnosis came shortly after Amy found out that her first IVF worked. Matt went through treatment this summer, and has spent most of that time in the hospital. I heard from Amy earlier this week, who said that things do not look good. He is not expected to survive the cancer, although as far as I know there is no "time line" of when something might happen. He is 30 years old.
Amy is due with their baby girl on Christmas Day. I can't express to you just how much she wanted this baby. She was just so focused...and went through treatment after treatment until something finally worked.
Unfortunately though, she has not been able to enjoy this much wanted pregnancy, and instead has been faced with the illness of her husband. Additionally, she is not working...and so not collecting a paycheck.
I just felt like I had to do something, and my friend Lisa suggested attempting a donation. I thought it was a great idea, but didn't have much hope for collecting. After all...who sents money to a stranger over the internet?? I posted yesterday morning on one of the Nest boards, that is most frequented by woman who have struggled with IF...and have a beautiful baby (or 2 or 3!) to show for their struggles. I threw a request out there that people may want to donate to Amy, which brings me to the title of my post...
So far, we have raised almost $500 for Amy and her family, and many more have let me know that they have checks in the mail. For all intents and purposes...these women are strangers (although I don't feel that way). Chances are they will never meet Amy, but they still chose to help her out with a donation.
I'll be collecting for a few more weeks, probably up until her shower on Nov 22. I will talk with Amy about what will best fill her needs. It might be a gift card to Target to buy essentials for herself, or the soon to be born baby Mattie, or maybe she needs gas cards to help her get to and from the hospital, or meal cards to use at the hospital.
It makes me feel really good. And it reminds that people can be so wonderful in a time of tragedy like this. For those of you have had donated, thank you so much. I plan to print out each e-mail and give to Amy so she can see where her gift came from.
If you'd like to donate you can do so by the methods listed below. Any amount, even ($1 !!!!) is appreciated!
1) If you have Paypal you can send money to my paypal account, staceymccrary2003@yahoo.com
2) If you don't have Paypal but can still do an on-line donation you can e-mail me at the above address and I can send an invoice that you respond to.
at the generosity I have witnessed in the past 2 days.
I don't even know how to start this post. A friend who I initially "met" through the internet, and have since become friends with in real life is facing a horrible situation right now. I posted about her situation a few months ago, but have a bit more info now.
Amy's husband was diagnosed with brain cancer in the Spring. This diagnosis came shortly after Amy found out that her first IVF worked. Matt went through treatment this summer, and has spent most of that time in the hospital. I heard from Amy earlier this week, who said that things do not look good. He is not expected to survive the cancer, although as far as I know there is no "time line" of when something might happen. He is 30 years old.
Amy is due with their baby girl on Christmas Day. I can't express to you just how much she wanted this baby. She was just so focused...and went through treatment after treatment until something finally worked.
Unfortunately though, she has not been able to enjoy this much wanted pregnancy, and instead has been faced with the illness of her husband. Additionally, she is not working...and so not collecting a paycheck.
I just felt like I had to do something, and my friend Lisa suggested attempting a donation. I thought it was a great idea, but didn't have much hope for collecting. After all...who sents money to a stranger over the internet?? I posted yesterday morning on one of the Nest boards, that is most frequented by woman who have struggled with IF...and have a beautiful baby (or 2 or 3!) to show for their struggles. I threw a request out there that people may want to donate to Amy, which brings me to the title of my post...
So far, we have raised almost $500 for Amy and her family, and many more have let me know that they have checks in the mail. For all intents and purposes...these women are strangers (although I don't feel that way). Chances are they will never meet Amy, but they still chose to help her out with a donation.
I'll be collecting for a few more weeks, probably up until her shower on Nov 22. I will talk with Amy about what will best fill her needs. It might be a gift card to Target to buy essentials for herself, or the soon to be born baby Mattie, or maybe she needs gas cards to help her get to and from the hospital, or meal cards to use at the hospital.
It makes me feel really good. And it reminds that people can be so wonderful in a time of tragedy like this. For those of you have had donated, thank you so much. I plan to print out each e-mail and give to Amy so she can see where her gift came from.
If you'd like to donate you can do so by the methods listed below. Any amount, even ($1 !!!!) is appreciated!
1) If you have Paypal you can send money to my paypal account, staceymccrary2003@yahoo.com
2) If you don't have Paypal but can still do an on-line donation you can e-mail me at the above address and I can send an invoice that you respond to.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Final letter to HR
I'm finally ready to mail my letter!! Thanks to anyone who offered comments and suggestions, and particularly to Rebekah for editing:-) I took all suggestions into consideration. I'm posting my letter here, in hopes that someone may be able to use parts of it to develop a letter of their own, for their employer. The stats toward the bottom come from the Resolve website. I don't expect this letter to change anything, but it does feel like I am at least doing something to voice my opinion and get my story out there.
Dear [Name] :
I have been an employee of xx for the past 8 years. My husband and I are suffering with the disease of infertility and request that you consider covering infertility treatment in xx’s health benefit package.
We have been trying to get pregnant for over 4 years; we have been seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist for the past 18 months. Since January 1, 2008, my husband and I have spent over $17,000 on procedures to help us get pregnant. I have taken fertility drugs both orally and in injections. I have had 5 Intrauterine Inseminations. My husband and I have been put through test after embarrassing test to try to find the reason for our infertility. Neither of us minds the invasiveness caused by the procedures we’ve had done. What we do mind is that we have to pay 100% for those treatments. We have exhausted our choices in infertility treatment, and In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is likely the only chance we have of having a family.
We went through our first IVF cycle in May, 2008. Procedures for that cycle cost over $11,000; medications cost another $2500. We transferred two “perfect” embryos, and neither resulted in a pregnancy. We were lucky enough to have 3 embryos that were able to be frozen from that IVF cycle. It cost over $600 to freeze the embryos. We then did a transfer of those 3 embryos, which cost another $3,000. Sadly, that attempt did not work either. We currently have nothing to show for over $17,000 spent, except the lingering of needle marks and bruising from the shots I took to stimulate egg growth and to pump my body full of the progesterone that is necessary to sustain a pregnancy. Additionally, dealing with years of infertility has affected my mental health, and I am currently seeing a therapist to deal with the depression that infertility has caused in my life and the toll it has taken on my marriage.
I have utilized the Employee Assistance Program to help me deal with this struggle. I have maximized my Flex Spending Account (FSA). While I am grateful for the FSA, it bears mentioning that $450 is deducted from my monthly paycheck to cover the cost of two procedures that did not work. We have spent so much money in 2008 on infertility tests and treatments that I will be able to deduct costs from our Federal Income tax.
To add additional stress, we are dealing with a timeline. Chances of success with IVF go down significantly after the age of 35. I will turn 35 in 7 months. As you can see, not only are we dealing with an immense amount of financial stress, but that stress is occurring in a short period of time. Because I can only take $5k from my FSA per calendar year, we are forced to wait until at least January 2009 to try again. At that point, we could be faced with the same thing. That is going through the invasive procedures again and the stress of wondering if our embryos are thriving as they should, only to be told that once again we are not pregnant, and have spent another $17,000.
Infertility is not unlike any other disease. My husband and I did not choose to have difficulty having a child; the sense of loss and grief when you are told you may never have a child is much the same as telling a patient they have a life altering disease.
I have been in contact with an HR representative a few times over the past 2 years to question why xx does not provide coverage for the illness of infertility. I’ve been told that infertility coverage is something that gets assessed annually by an outside group. Once “enough” companies of a similar size to xx include infertility coverage as part of their healthcare package, xx will consider doing the same. This begs the question why it is not xx’s responsibility as a leading university both in this country and worldwide to be leading the way for other companies to get this disease covered.
I’m simply unclear as to why infertility coverage is not included in the current insurance plans. Often employers believe that adding an infertility coverage benefit will increase health care costs. However, recent studies indicate that including comprehensive infertility coverage in a health benefit package may actually reduce costs and improve outcomes. For example, a recent employer survey conducted by the consulting firm William M. Mercer found that 91 percent of respondents offering infertility treatment have not experienced an increase in their medical costs as a result of providing this coverage.
There are currently 15 states mandated to cover the costs of infertility; Illinois is one of them. If xx were to move 15 miles east, it would be required to provide coverage. In states with mandated infertility insurance, the rate of multiple births is lower than in states without coverage. (New England Journal of Medicine, “Insurance Coverage and Outcomes of In Vitro Fertilization,” August 2002). Couples with insurance coverage are free to make more appropriate decisions with their physicians based on medical necessity rather than financial considerations which often result in multiple births and a high rate of complications during and post pregnancy.
Please let me know if you would like any additional information on this issue. I sincerely hope that xx will consider offering infertility coverage and support our desire to build our family.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
Dear [Name] :
I have been an employee of xx for the past 8 years. My husband and I are suffering with the disease of infertility and request that you consider covering infertility treatment in xx’s health benefit package.
We have been trying to get pregnant for over 4 years; we have been seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist for the past 18 months. Since January 1, 2008, my husband and I have spent over $17,000 on procedures to help us get pregnant. I have taken fertility drugs both orally and in injections. I have had 5 Intrauterine Inseminations. My husband and I have been put through test after embarrassing test to try to find the reason for our infertility. Neither of us minds the invasiveness caused by the procedures we’ve had done. What we do mind is that we have to pay 100% for those treatments. We have exhausted our choices in infertility treatment, and In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is likely the only chance we have of having a family.
We went through our first IVF cycle in May, 2008. Procedures for that cycle cost over $11,000; medications cost another $2500. We transferred two “perfect” embryos, and neither resulted in a pregnancy. We were lucky enough to have 3 embryos that were able to be frozen from that IVF cycle. It cost over $600 to freeze the embryos. We then did a transfer of those 3 embryos, which cost another $3,000. Sadly, that attempt did not work either. We currently have nothing to show for over $17,000 spent, except the lingering of needle marks and bruising from the shots I took to stimulate egg growth and to pump my body full of the progesterone that is necessary to sustain a pregnancy. Additionally, dealing with years of infertility has affected my mental health, and I am currently seeing a therapist to deal with the depression that infertility has caused in my life and the toll it has taken on my marriage.
I have utilized the Employee Assistance Program to help me deal with this struggle. I have maximized my Flex Spending Account (FSA). While I am grateful for the FSA, it bears mentioning that $450 is deducted from my monthly paycheck to cover the cost of two procedures that did not work. We have spent so much money in 2008 on infertility tests and treatments that I will be able to deduct costs from our Federal Income tax.
To add additional stress, we are dealing with a timeline. Chances of success with IVF go down significantly after the age of 35. I will turn 35 in 7 months. As you can see, not only are we dealing with an immense amount of financial stress, but that stress is occurring in a short period of time. Because I can only take $5k from my FSA per calendar year, we are forced to wait until at least January 2009 to try again. At that point, we could be faced with the same thing. That is going through the invasive procedures again and the stress of wondering if our embryos are thriving as they should, only to be told that once again we are not pregnant, and have spent another $17,000.
Infertility is not unlike any other disease. My husband and I did not choose to have difficulty having a child; the sense of loss and grief when you are told you may never have a child is much the same as telling a patient they have a life altering disease.
I have been in contact with an HR representative a few times over the past 2 years to question why xx does not provide coverage for the illness of infertility. I’ve been told that infertility coverage is something that gets assessed annually by an outside group. Once “enough” companies of a similar size to xx include infertility coverage as part of their healthcare package, xx will consider doing the same. This begs the question why it is not xx’s responsibility as a leading university both in this country and worldwide to be leading the way for other companies to get this disease covered.
I’m simply unclear as to why infertility coverage is not included in the current insurance plans. Often employers believe that adding an infertility coverage benefit will increase health care costs. However, recent studies indicate that including comprehensive infertility coverage in a health benefit package may actually reduce costs and improve outcomes. For example, a recent employer survey conducted by the consulting firm William M. Mercer found that 91 percent of respondents offering infertility treatment have not experienced an increase in their medical costs as a result of providing this coverage.
There are currently 15 states mandated to cover the costs of infertility; Illinois is one of them. If xx were to move 15 miles east, it would be required to provide coverage. In states with mandated infertility insurance, the rate of multiple births is lower than in states without coverage. (New England Journal of Medicine, “Insurance Coverage and Outcomes of In Vitro Fertilization,” August 2002). Couples with insurance coverage are free to make more appropriate decisions with their physicians based on medical necessity rather than financial considerations which often result in multiple births and a high rate of complications during and post pregnancy.
Please let me know if you would like any additional information on this issue. I sincerely hope that xx will consider offering infertility coverage and support our desire to build our family.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A good weekend!
First of all, I woke up without an alarm on Saturday and had so much energy. I walked Sierra 2.5 miles and then came home and started cleaning. I have no idea where the energy came from but I took advantage of it. We cleaned our condo top to bottom and had our "to do" list done by 10 am.
Also, Dan and I have decided to do some home improvements. Dan found a handyman through his work that came over last night and gave us a quote for things we wanted done. He is super reasonable, and I feel he is trust-worthy. So, we get to tackle some things that I've been wanting done since we moved to our condo (almost 5.5 years ago). We're replacing the existing ceiling fans we have, adding track lighting to our living room (currently we don't have overhead lighting in there), replacing 5 other light fixtures, adding a light/ceiling fan to our spare bedroom (i.e. nursery one day) where we also currently have no over head lighting, and mounting our flat screen TV to a wall.
Although the cost to make the repairs is reasonable, and the new fixtures/fans I want are not expensive, I still feel extremely guilty for spending this money. To be clear, we don't really have it. I plan to put all purchases on Lowes credit card and not pay off for 6 months. But...I was so excited last night after the guy left...more excited that I've been in a long time over something non-IF related...that we are going to go for it.
I've also been sewing all weekend! I made a fun pair of pajama pants yesterday and I finished a tote bag tonight. Pics below. I "practiced" with some fabrics I like. Since it turned out ok, I'll be making these for Christmas presents for some family members.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Small update
Sorry I couldn't get more creative with the title.
I talked to Dr. K this afternoon. She gave me the name of the HR person to contact, so now I can send my letter. The RE's aren't meeting about our case until *next* Tuesday so she'll call me after that and let me know if they talked about any other tweaks to my case.
She checked and saw that my name is on the Family Fund list. She reiterated that there is a fund-raiser in November. She also told me that she is going to it (I didn't know that before), and will try her best to raise lots of money. That made me feel good...like she is there fighting for me.
I also asked about the beta 3 integrin test. I intro'd to that topic by telling her I'd decided on the lap, and was curious about her experience with any implantion tests. She asked what I had in mind and that's when I told her the name of the test. She said they don't routinely do things like that, and if it qualified (not really sure what she meant by that) as "experimental" that they wouldn't be able to do it. She will be talking with the other RE's about this on Tuesday as well. She did make the comment that "you know I would do anything for you if I could." God I love her.
All for now.
I talked to Dr. K this afternoon. She gave me the name of the HR person to contact, so now I can send my letter. The RE's aren't meeting about our case until *next* Tuesday so she'll call me after that and let me know if they talked about any other tweaks to my case.
She checked and saw that my name is on the Family Fund list. She reiterated that there is a fund-raiser in November. She also told me that she is going to it (I didn't know that before), and will try her best to raise lots of money. That made me feel good...like she is there fighting for me.
I also asked about the beta 3 integrin test. I intro'd to that topic by telling her I'd decided on the lap, and was curious about her experience with any implantion tests. She asked what I had in mind and that's when I told her the name of the test. She said they don't routinely do things like that, and if it qualified (not really sure what she meant by that) as "experimental" that they wouldn't be able to do it. She will be talking with the other RE's about this on Tuesday as well. She did make the comment that "you know I would do anything for you if I could." God I love her.
All for now.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Insurance sucks!
So I finally decided to go for the lap. I am scared shit.less, but want to do it anyway. So I called the RE office to see if they could find out if it's covered by insurance. If it's not, I won't do it, b/c we simply do not have the money.
After some back and forth with the RE secretary, turns out insurance won't tell us if it's covered until the day the appt is scheduled. The problem? I can't schedule the appt until my period starts. Great. So...I will build myself up for this procedure, but may not actually be able to have it done. I expect AF in about 10 days, so I guess we're waiting until then. To date, insurance has been good about covering diagnostic testing, so I'm hopeful it will be covered.
I'm waiting for Dr. K to call and let me know the results of the discussion she had with the other RE's about my case yesterday. Also, she was going to provide me with the list of HR people so I can send my letter. Even though I'm on a break, at least these little things make me feel like I'm doing something.
I met a new Nestie friend last night:-) Jenny is from KC and comes to STL once a month for work. We met for dinner. I told Dan it really is amazing how "strangers" can have so much in common and so much to talk about. We jabbered through the whole dinner:-) It is just so nice to talk to people that really and truly get it.
After some back and forth with the RE secretary, turns out insurance won't tell us if it's covered until the day the appt is scheduled. The problem? I can't schedule the appt until my period starts. Great. So...I will build myself up for this procedure, but may not actually be able to have it done. I expect AF in about 10 days, so I guess we're waiting until then. To date, insurance has been good about covering diagnostic testing, so I'm hopeful it will be covered.
I'm waiting for Dr. K to call and let me know the results of the discussion she had with the other RE's about my case yesterday. Also, she was going to provide me with the list of HR people so I can send my letter. Even though I'm on a break, at least these little things make me feel like I'm doing something.
I met a new Nestie friend last night:-) Jenny is from KC and comes to STL once a month for work. We met for dinner. I told Dan it really is amazing how "strangers" can have so much in common and so much to talk about. We jabbered through the whole dinner:-) It is just so nice to talk to people that really and truly get it.
Monday, October 13, 2008
My first IF therapy appt
It went well. I really didn't know what to expect. I've been through therapy sessions before, but never about IF. I started getting really frazzled right before I left for the appt, and then on the way there I felt like I was going to explode. I guess it was fear of the unknown, to an extent. She started out by saying tell me about yourself. I summed up my life in about 4 sentences:-) and then we were rolling.
I liked her. She has alot of experience with IF and pregnancy post IF clients. She knew what I was talking about when I said lap and beta. That was a test and she passed.
We talked about my support system. She told me I need to ask Dan for more emotional help with this. She's probably right.
I started crying when I talked about baby bellies and how they are everywhere. We talked about how we live in a very family friendly neighborhood and there are strollers everywhere. She pointed out that just b/c a woman has a baby belly doesn't mean she didn't go through alot to get to that stage. Point taken. I'm going to remember that. I certainly wouldn't want someone to get jealous of my bump, if I ever get that far.
I told her I hate the feelings of jealousy I have, but no matter what I do...they don't go away. She said that's something she's heard time and again and it is completely normal.
I told her how I felt so horrible for setting up a 2nd opinion appt. I told her it felt like I was stabbing RE in the back and that made me feel bad. She made me feel better about that.
i told her I was tired of living in 2 week cycles. 2 weeks until O, then 2 weeks until period, lather, rinse, repeat. She told me I need to focus more on the present. We know we won't be progressing with treatment until January, but that I should stop letting the days just float by, living for the next procedure, treatment, etc.
In all, it was good, although I don't neccesarily feel like any weight was lifted from my shoulders. I'll be going back in 2 weeks.
I liked her. She has alot of experience with IF and pregnancy post IF clients. She knew what I was talking about when I said lap and beta. That was a test and she passed.
We talked about my support system. She told me I need to ask Dan for more emotional help with this. She's probably right.
I started crying when I talked about baby bellies and how they are everywhere. We talked about how we live in a very family friendly neighborhood and there are strollers everywhere. She pointed out that just b/c a woman has a baby belly doesn't mean she didn't go through alot to get to that stage. Point taken. I'm going to remember that. I certainly wouldn't want someone to get jealous of my bump, if I ever get that far.
I told her I hate the feelings of jealousy I have, but no matter what I do...they don't go away. She said that's something she's heard time and again and it is completely normal.
I told her how I felt so horrible for setting up a 2nd opinion appt. I told her it felt like I was stabbing RE in the back and that made me feel bad. She made me feel better about that.
i told her I was tired of living in 2 week cycles. 2 weeks until O, then 2 weeks until period, lather, rinse, repeat. She told me I need to focus more on the present. We know we won't be progressing with treatment until January, but that I should stop letting the days just float by, living for the next procedure, treatment, etc.
In all, it was good, although I don't neccesarily feel like any weight was lifted from my shoulders. I'll be going back in 2 weeks.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Not a great IF weekend
For starters, I felt myself starting to O on Friday night. Yes, for those of you who think I'm an idiot, I can feel it. My anxiety level went up immediately. I knew there was no hope of doing anything about it, so I tried to talk myself down from the ledge. Seriously though, I hate being this in tune with my body. It sucks. Why can I just be in blissful oblivion? I know that the chances of conceiving without medical intervention are about null at this point, so why try? Rationally, I know this. However, it didn't stop me from thinking that I was wasting my eggs for another month. Ugh.
Then, last night I had a horrible IF dream. I can't tell you specifically what it was about, b/c I don't remember it all. I remember just enough to know it was about IF and an un-supportive family (which I don't have) and I woke up with my heart pounding. Horrible, horrible. Guess I can discuss that at my therapy appt tomorrow. Yes, I finally made one, for 3 pm on Monday. I'm not really sure what good it's going to do, but I'll try it and see what I think.
In fun news...since I started this post early this morning I got to have breakfast with a friend I met on the Nest, and her sweet little boy:-) It so helps to talk about this crap, and also to see that I *can* get to the other side...I just have to wait my turn:-(
Our conversation also got me thinking about getting a lap. Mentally, I had left it as...well Dr. K doesn't think I need it, so why do it. Also, I was going to get ask Dr. S at my second opinion appt. If he said I didn't need it, I would believe both of them. But I think it might give me some piece of mind. I'm hoping to get a call from Dr. K next week, to update me on the RE group consensus of my case. When I talk to her, I'm going to ask if she could do the lap and the beta-3 integrin test at the same time. This is a test to determine implantation issues. This was on my list of questions for last week...but the conversation totally took another turn in talking about IVF #2 and I didn't ask.
So that's my weekend. Nothing too exciting. I have my letter to HR just about finalized, and hope to be sending that next week.
Then, last night I had a horrible IF dream. I can't tell you specifically what it was about, b/c I don't remember it all. I remember just enough to know it was about IF and an un-supportive family (which I don't have) and I woke up with my heart pounding. Horrible, horrible. Guess I can discuss that at my therapy appt tomorrow. Yes, I finally made one, for 3 pm on Monday. I'm not really sure what good it's going to do, but I'll try it and see what I think.
In fun news...since I started this post early this morning I got to have breakfast with a friend I met on the Nest, and her sweet little boy:-) It so helps to talk about this crap, and also to see that I *can* get to the other side...I just have to wait my turn:-(
Our conversation also got me thinking about getting a lap. Mentally, I had left it as...well Dr. K doesn't think I need it, so why do it. Also, I was going to get ask Dr. S at my second opinion appt. If he said I didn't need it, I would believe both of them. But I think it might give me some piece of mind. I'm hoping to get a call from Dr. K next week, to update me on the RE group consensus of my case. When I talk to her, I'm going to ask if she could do the lap and the beta-3 integrin test at the same time. This is a test to determine implantation issues. This was on my list of questions for last week...but the conversation totally took another turn in talking about IVF #2 and I didn't ask.
So that's my weekend. Nothing too exciting. I have my letter to HR just about finalized, and hope to be sending that next week.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Family Fund
We qualify!!!! We need to be trying for our first child, and have no insurance coverage. I was so afraid it was going to be based on income but it's not!
Now we wait. There is no money in the fund right now, but I was told that there was $$ last month. There is a fund-raiser planned for November. If that happens (they've been cancelled in the past) the money will be given to RE clinic. I am the 2nd person on the list. Each person can receive up to $5k in services. It won't pay for it all, but it will be a huge help. Now, mentally I can try to prepare to come up with the other $5k.
We're in a holding pattern until there is money available to us. I can only hope it will be early in 2009. Even if we had the $$ right now, RE clinic is already booked through the end of 2008, so the earliest I could hope to get in is Jan.
Now we wait. There is no money in the fund right now, but I was told that there was $$ last month. There is a fund-raiser planned for November. If that happens (they've been cancelled in the past) the money will be given to RE clinic. I am the 2nd person on the list. Each person can receive up to $5k in services. It won't pay for it all, but it will be a huge help. Now, mentally I can try to prepare to come up with the other $5k.
We're in a holding pattern until there is money available to us. I can only hope it will be early in 2009. Even if we had the $$ right now, RE clinic is already booked through the end of 2008, so the earliest I could hope to get in is Jan.
Let's do it!
First of all, thanks to everyone for reading and giving comments about my letter to HR. It's by no means done, but I got alot of useful info in the comments you left here, and on the Nest. I'm going to include some stats, about what I'm not sure yet...but money people like stats, so I'm all about giving them what they need to make an informed decision. And Jeni-great point about the state mandate thing. If WU was located 20 miles east in Illinois, they would HAVE to offer IF coverage.
Now...to get to the title of my post. I told Dan about WTF appt last night. I'd tried to be calm, and objective and rational and all the things I thought would help:-) He said...let's do it!!!! And side note: we were having this discussion in the car and as he said let's do it I started crying. blah, so emotional. Anyhoo...at that exact time...a cute little couple with a cute little bump walked across the street. We just looked at each other and rolled our eyes. I should clarify the "let's do it" by saying I don't know if he thought about what if we don't qualify for the Family Fund. I figured one step at a time..
So, please please PLEASE let us qualify for the Family Fund. I am going to be *that girl* and call the Office Manager this morning to see if I can get some info.
Also, in my letter I said I was seeing a therapist about all this crap. Not exactly true. However, Dr. K really pushed me to go see someone yesterday so I am going to. She's never steered me wrong. The woman she recommended used to work in the RE clinic, but now does private practice, still specializing in IF...another call I'm going to make this morning.
Wow. I'm starting to feel positive. Although I was awake from about 2-5 am just thinking, more like obsessing about stuff. I have to stay rational and realize that 1) we may not qualify and 2) if we do qualify it may not pay for all, or even half of the cost of IVF. I guess I can get that info from the Office Manager. Off to make that call:-)
Now...to get to the title of my post. I told Dan about WTF appt last night. I'd tried to be calm, and objective and rational and all the things I thought would help:-) He said...let's do it!!!! And side note: we were having this discussion in the car and as he said let's do it I started crying. blah, so emotional. Anyhoo...at that exact time...a cute little couple with a cute little bump walked across the street. We just looked at each other and rolled our eyes. I should clarify the "let's do it" by saying I don't know if he thought about what if we don't qualify for the Family Fund. I figured one step at a time..
So, please please PLEASE let us qualify for the Family Fund. I am going to be *that girl* and call the Office Manager this morning to see if I can get some info.
Also, in my letter I said I was seeing a therapist about all this crap. Not exactly true. However, Dr. K really pushed me to go see someone yesterday so I am going to. She's never steered me wrong. The woman she recommended used to work in the RE clinic, but now does private practice, still specializing in IF...another call I'm going to make this morning.
Wow. I'm starting to feel positive. Although I was awake from about 2-5 am just thinking, more like obsessing about stuff. I have to stay rational and realize that 1) we may not qualify and 2) if we do qualify it may not pay for all, or even half of the cost of IVF. I guess I can get that info from the Office Manager. Off to make that call:-)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
letter to HR (draft)
Please review the following letter. I welcome any and all comments...
Dear [Name] :
I have been an employee of xxx for the past 8 years. My husband and I are suffering with the disease of infertility and request that you consider covering infertility treatment in xxx health benefit package.
We have been trying to get pregnant for over 4 years; we have being seeing a xx Reproductive Endocrinologist for the past 18 months. Since January 1, 2008 my husband and I have spent $17,000 on procedures to help us get pregnant I have used both oral and injectible fertily drugs. I have had 5 Intrauterine Inseminations. My husband and I have been put through test after embarrassing test to try to find the reason for our infertility. Neither of us minds the invasiveness or embarrassment caused by the procedures we’ve had done. What we do mind is that we have to pay 100% for those treatments. We have exhausted our choices in infertility treatment, and In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is likely the only chance we have of having a family.
We went through our IVF cycle in May. That cycle cost over $10,000; meds for that cycle cost another $2500. We were lucky enough to have 3 embryos that were able to be frozen from our IVF cycle. It cost $600 to freeze the embryos. We then did a transfer of those embryos which cost another $3,000 We currently have nothing to show for that amount, over $16,000, except the lingering of needle marks and bruising from the shots I took to stimulate egg growth and to pump my body full of the progesterone that is necessary to sustain a pregnancy. Additionally, dealing with years of infertility has affected my mental health and I am currently seeing a therapist to deal with the depression that infertility has caused in my life, and the toll it has taken on my marriage. Your HR department should also think about work productivity that is lost when suffering from infertility, caused most frequently by the inability to concentrate.
I have utilized the Employee Assistance Program to help me deal with this struggle. I have maximized my Flex Spending Account. While I am grateful for the FSA, it bears mentioning that $450 comes out of my monthly paycheck to cover the cost of a procedure that didn’t work. We have spent so much money in 2008 on infertility that I will be able to deduct costs from our Federal Income tax.
To add additional stress, we are dealing with a timeline. Chances of success with IVF go down significantly after the age of 35. I will turn 35 in 7 months. As you can see, not only are we dealing with an immense amount of financial stress, but that stress is occurring in a short period of time.
Infertility is not unlike any other disease. My husband and I did not choose to have difficulty having a child, The sense of loss and grief when you are told you may never have a child is much the same as telling a patient they have a life altering disease.
I have been in contact with an HR person a few times over the past 2 years to question why xxx does not provide coverage for the illness of infertility. I’ve been told that infertility coverage is something that gets assessed annually by an outside group. Once “enough” companies of a similar size to xxx include infertility coverage as part of their healthcare package, xxx will consider doing the same. This begs the question why it is not xxx responsibility as a leading university both in this country and worldwide to be leading the way for other companies to get this disease covered.
Please let me know if you would like any additional information on this issue. I sincerely hope that xxxwill consider offering infertility coverage and support our desire to build our family. Thank you for your consideration.
Dear [Name] :
I have been an employee of xxx for the past 8 years. My husband and I are suffering with the disease of infertility and request that you consider covering infertility treatment in xxx health benefit package.
We have been trying to get pregnant for over 4 years; we have being seeing a xx Reproductive Endocrinologist for the past 18 months. Since January 1, 2008 my husband and I have spent $17,000 on procedures to help us get pregnant I have used both oral and injectible fertily drugs. I have had 5 Intrauterine Inseminations. My husband and I have been put through test after embarrassing test to try to find the reason for our infertility. Neither of us minds the invasiveness or embarrassment caused by the procedures we’ve had done. What we do mind is that we have to pay 100% for those treatments. We have exhausted our choices in infertility treatment, and In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is likely the only chance we have of having a family.
We went through our IVF cycle in May. That cycle cost over $10,000; meds for that cycle cost another $2500. We were lucky enough to have 3 embryos that were able to be frozen from our IVF cycle. It cost $600 to freeze the embryos. We then did a transfer of those embryos which cost another $3,000 We currently have nothing to show for that amount, over $16,000, except the lingering of needle marks and bruising from the shots I took to stimulate egg growth and to pump my body full of the progesterone that is necessary to sustain a pregnancy. Additionally, dealing with years of infertility has affected my mental health and I am currently seeing a therapist to deal with the depression that infertility has caused in my life, and the toll it has taken on my marriage. Your HR department should also think about work productivity that is lost when suffering from infertility, caused most frequently by the inability to concentrate.
I have utilized the Employee Assistance Program to help me deal with this struggle. I have maximized my Flex Spending Account. While I am grateful for the FSA, it bears mentioning that $450 comes out of my monthly paycheck to cover the cost of a procedure that didn’t work. We have spent so much money in 2008 on infertility that I will be able to deduct costs from our Federal Income tax.
To add additional stress, we are dealing with a timeline. Chances of success with IVF go down significantly after the age of 35. I will turn 35 in 7 months. As you can see, not only are we dealing with an immense amount of financial stress, but that stress is occurring in a short period of time.
Infertility is not unlike any other disease. My husband and I did not choose to have difficulty having a child, The sense of loss and grief when you are told you may never have a child is much the same as telling a patient they have a life altering disease.
I have been in contact with an HR person a few times over the past 2 years to question why xxx does not provide coverage for the illness of infertility. I’ve been told that infertility coverage is something that gets assessed annually by an outside group. Once “enough” companies of a similar size to xxx include infertility coverage as part of their healthcare package, xxx will consider doing the same. This begs the question why it is not xxx responsibility as a leading university both in this country and worldwide to be leading the way for other companies to get this disease covered.
Please let me know if you would like any additional information on this issue. I sincerely hope that xxxwill consider offering infertility coverage and support our desire to build our family. Thank you for your consideration.
my FET WTF appointment
Ugh. Where to begin? I'll start by saying that I love my RE (still!) and am so happy she is my doctor. I thought she was going to cry when she said she has no idea why IVF/FET didn't work. She did say that she was less surprised about my FET, which I felt the same way.
Anyway, she wants me to do another IVF. She knows we're OOP...but still wants me too. I work for the same university that RE does. She urged me to write letters to HR. She said she and her partners are really pushing the University to include IF coverage for employees, and feels that it is coming...but she isn't sure how soon. As she said, even if I could get a discounted rate, it is better than nothing.
Also, she is nominating me for the Family Fund. I didn't even know they had that. A (rich) couple who were patients of the clinic started this fund several years ago. They hold fund-raising events and give the money to RE to give to eligible couples who don't have any children, specifically for IVF. She wasn't sure of the criteria (we may make to much $$), but will have the office manager call me to go over eligibility criteria. She said it might be $1k or it might be $10k, all depends on how much is in the fund, and how many people are currently trying to get the money. She also says she will stock pile meds for me until I start IVF #2. We went over what meds I currently have, 1 vial Lupron and 600 IUs Follistim. She said she could easily come up with the rest.
She is going to bring my case up at the RE conference meeting next Tues. They typically hold this time for currently cycling IVF patients, so that was really nice of her. She'll call me if they come up with other suggestions for protocol changes,etc. However, based on the way I responded, she doesn't see the need to change protocol. I responded beautifully, had fabulous embryos that made it to 5dt. We don't need to do ICSI, but she will do AH. She will also make sure she does my transfer, and will transfer 3 if there are 3 that look good.
I asked about a lap. She isn't *for* it, but will do it if I want. She said anything they may find with the lap would be bypassed by IVF anyway. I'm up in the air. If insurance covers it, I will go for it (I think). If they don't, I won't. The way I see it, it can't hurt anything. Anyone have thoughts on that?
So now I have to have the conversation with Dan. I wish I could think of a better conversation starter than "she wants us to do another IVF." He's immediately going to go on the defensive about $$, and rightly so. Please GOD let us be eligible for this Family Fund. I told her that if I qualify, and get pregnant, that we will gladly join the cause. I would love nothing more than to give back...if only we can get on the other side of the fence.
Anyway, she wants me to do another IVF. She knows we're OOP...but still wants me too. I work for the same university that RE does. She urged me to write letters to HR. She said she and her partners are really pushing the University to include IF coverage for employees, and feels that it is coming...but she isn't sure how soon. As she said, even if I could get a discounted rate, it is better than nothing.
Also, she is nominating me for the Family Fund. I didn't even know they had that. A (rich) couple who were patients of the clinic started this fund several years ago. They hold fund-raising events and give the money to RE to give to eligible couples who don't have any children, specifically for IVF. She wasn't sure of the criteria (we may make to much $$), but will have the office manager call me to go over eligibility criteria. She said it might be $1k or it might be $10k, all depends on how much is in the fund, and how many people are currently trying to get the money. She also says she will stock pile meds for me until I start IVF #2. We went over what meds I currently have, 1 vial Lupron and 600 IUs Follistim. She said she could easily come up with the rest.
She is going to bring my case up at the RE conference meeting next Tues. They typically hold this time for currently cycling IVF patients, so that was really nice of her. She'll call me if they come up with other suggestions for protocol changes,etc. However, based on the way I responded, she doesn't see the need to change protocol. I responded beautifully, had fabulous embryos that made it to 5dt. We don't need to do ICSI, but she will do AH. She will also make sure she does my transfer, and will transfer 3 if there are 3 that look good.
I asked about a lap. She isn't *for* it, but will do it if I want. She said anything they may find with the lap would be bypassed by IVF anyway. I'm up in the air. If insurance covers it, I will go for it (I think). If they don't, I won't. The way I see it, it can't hurt anything. Anyone have thoughts on that?
So now I have to have the conversation with Dan. I wish I could think of a better conversation starter than "she wants us to do another IVF." He's immediately going to go on the defensive about $$, and rightly so. Please GOD let us be eligible for this Family Fund. I told her that if I qualify, and get pregnant, that we will gladly join the cause. I would love nothing more than to give back...if only we can get on the other side of the fence.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
miscellaneous
It's amazing how much less I have to say when I am not in a medicated cycle. I'm trying really hard to find interest/joy in other things right now...I am trying...but it is still on my mind so much.
I got our packet from Dr. S.ilber yesterday. I must say I was impressed. Along with the usual patient info sheets for me and Dan, where we tell our whole sordid IF story, there were great brochures with stats and testimonials. THey also sent 3 DVD's, all of different shows Dr. S has been on. THe cost for IVF is a tiny bit more than with Dr. K, but it is inclusive of ICSI, AH, all the "extra" that most other RE's charge separately for. He also does a min-IVF that I have always been interested in. There was also an interesting stat, that 57% of IVFs where the woman has "normal" eggs, end up successful with his clinic. That's not the same stat listed on SART so I want to ask about that. Long story short...I am excited for our appt and feel optimistic again that between he and Dr. K I will have a child.
I'm starting a new sewing project today for an upcoming baby shower for one of my nestie friends. She knows she's getting something homeade, so it's fine to post here. I just can't post a pic until after the shower:-)
I'm also going to try to make myself a bag. I found some fabulously cute fabric at the store this morning and had to have it. I once again have more projects than I have time for...but it keeps me calm.
I got our packet from Dr. S.ilber yesterday. I must say I was impressed. Along with the usual patient info sheets for me and Dan, where we tell our whole sordid IF story, there were great brochures with stats and testimonials. THey also sent 3 DVD's, all of different shows Dr. S has been on. THe cost for IVF is a tiny bit more than with Dr. K, but it is inclusive of ICSI, AH, all the "extra" that most other RE's charge separately for. He also does a min-IVF that I have always been interested in. There was also an interesting stat, that 57% of IVFs where the woman has "normal" eggs, end up successful with his clinic. That's not the same stat listed on SART so I want to ask about that. Long story short...I am excited for our appt and feel optimistic again that between he and Dr. K I will have a child.
I'm starting a new sewing project today for an upcoming baby shower for one of my nestie friends. She knows she's getting something homeade, so it's fine to post here. I just can't post a pic until after the shower:-)
I'm also going to try to make myself a bag. I found some fabulously cute fabric at the store this morning and had to have it. I once again have more projects than I have time for...but it keeps me calm.
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