Strength

First of all, I'm still in a funk. I cannot shake this. Before I go into that though, I wanted to post a little saying that has been getting me through. I've been repeating it like a mantra:-) Stephanie sent it to me as flair on Facebook, but I can't seem to copy the button here. She sent it a few weeks ago, and it's been really important to me (thanks Steph!). It sums up my feelings very well. I will get through this, I HAVE to get through this.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Now...on to my continued funk and blah-ness. I slept almost all night last night, meaning from 6 pm on. Dan said "wow you were really sleeping!" My head was pounding like a drum after my last meeting, but I made it to the end of the day and went home and crashed. My E2 should be bottoming out tomorrow, so I'm sure that's what it is, but depression on top of a migraine that won't go away is oh so fun.

I talked to my nurse this morning to be sure it's ok to take Tynelol. I took 6 extra strength ones yesterday and she said it was fine. At this point, I can also take some Motrin. Once I start stimming though, it's back to Tylenol only. She also asked if I have a history of migraines (yes), so apparently that makes it worse too. Lovely. Thanks grandma for passing that on to me:-) I also found out that even if my supression check goes well tomorrow, I have to continue at the same 20 IUs of Lupron I've been taking. That won't decrease until Friday, when I add Follistim to the protocol. This means that I can expect the headache to hang around for a few more days.

So that's my life. Headaches, hot flashes and being on the verge of tears. Sounds great huh?! What am I going to do if this doesn't work? Seriously. I don't know how much more I have in me. I know once the hormone level adjusts I'll be feeling more normal, but what will I do if this fails too? I can't go there...but I can't NOT go there.

I feel like I'm a roulette marble that chooses red, while everyone's money is on black. Does that make sense? I just don't think I'm ever going to win at this. Win = a live "take-home" baby.