Monday, January 5, 2009


Before I get to the title of my post, can I just say that if I had any marbles left, I lost them all last night. Dan and I were watching In the Womb. He asked if I was ok watching it. I said of course! It was about the fetal developmennt of puppies, and all the u/s pics of them growing. It particulary caught my attention, b/c it started at the sperm/egg stage. Did you know that if dogs have sex when the female isn't ovulating, the sperm will implant into the uterine wall and hang around until they sense the egg(s)? Then they will detach and go swimming for it. Amazing.

Well...it made me cry. The obvious part I cried at was when the puppies were born and their mama was licking them clean:-) It just got to me. The less obvious place that brought out a whole stream of tears is when they said that just b/c the embryo implants, doesn't mean it'll make it. Dogs don't have m/c, but the embryo/fetus can be reabsorbed into it's mamas uterus. I just lost it. Don't ask why. I have no idea. I just felt so bad for the mama dog knowing she was pregnant...and then not. Marbles?? Gone!

Now for the title of this post. My new favorite song (which seems to be playing whenever I'm in the car alone) is Here by Rascal Flatts. I liked it after I first heard it, but then really started listening to the words. Yesterday, it made cry. (Apparently yesterday was a very hormonal day;-)) The song doesn't represent where I am now, but most certainly where I want to be. It hits home a little too much...

There's a place I've been looking for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors
And I thought I found it
Couple times, even settled down
And I'd hang around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now the place that I was trying to
Was you, right here in front of me
And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here
It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by
God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding
What I never thought I'd find
I know now, there's a million roads
I had to take
To get me in your arms that way
[Repeat Chorus]
In a love I never thought I'd get to get to-here
And if that's the road
God made me take to be with you
[Repeat Chorus]A
nd I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for all the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here


TTC a lil F said...

I got teary-eyed reading your post. I love RF, and that song touched me. Hugs

Sara H said...

Perfect lyrics to your future!!! Every bit of heartache and struggle will be worth it in the end... I promise!
Love you!!!

Rebekah said...

Love the song choice! Beautiful! It will be SO worth it in the end :)

Andrea said...

I watched that, too. I also got a bit sad thinking about the puppies that were 'absorbed':(

Kristin said...

I just read your blog -- every post -- (how's that for doing nothing at work today??) and I am just so right there with you in all of this. The hope, the disappointment, the constant nagging thoughts on infertility, the hope again. Thank you for putting into words what I have been thinking and feeling for the past two years. I hope and pray that you get your baby.
xo, Kristin