Thursday, June 7, 2012

9 months old!

The twins turned nine months yesterday. It has been a whirwind of busy-ness and chaos. Some days I try to remember, other days I'm honestly glad are over. Twins are hard. Twins and a toddler are even harder. The twins have so many physical needs to meet, while Sophie has so many emotional needs. Juggling them is nearly impossible. I think we do a decent job, probably better than decent most days, but it's usually at the expense of ourselves.

My diet is shit. It doesn't help that Dan is so busy he doesn't have much time to cook, although he is slowly easing back into that. Nothing sounds good, but I know I have to eat. So I eat crap.

It's been about 18 hours since I last pumped. I've been struggling with stopping pumping. I breastfed Sophie until she was one. I feel like if I don't do that with Connor that it means I love him less. Obviously not true. My supply has been dwindling for weeks, so he's been getting 50/50 breastmilk/formula. The truth is, I have no motivation to do anything that will increase my milk supply. None. When I wake in the morning it is the last thing on my mind, and when I go to bed at night, it's the very last thing I want to do, once snuggled up in bed.

Connor has only been breastfed twice, once in the NICU and once when we came home. The logistics of breastfeeding twins is nearly impossible. Huge kudos to twin/triplet moms who can pull it off. I couldn't. Avery let me off the hook when she went on Nutra.migen at 10 weeks. If not for that, my supply would have surely dwindled months ago. I'm just tired of it. If I *were* breastfeeding, it might be a different story, but there is just no emotional attachment to a plastic thing stuck to my boob a few times a day.

But there is guilt. My sweet, sweet boy deserves the best and I'm just too tired to do it anymore. I know many wonderful, WONDERFUL moms who never breastfed, and I'm sure they love their kids as much as I love Connor.

I haven't firmly decided I'm done, but the fact that I haven't pumped since about 8 pm last night says alot. And I'm not engorged. That's how low my supply has gotten.

As for the twins, they are fantastic:) Little Avery is a powerhouse. She's been army crawling for a few weeks, and ready anytime to take off on all fours. Avery is all over, moving around like a little worm. I think Connor will be skipping the army crawl (Sophie did too), as he's definately trying to figure out the hands and knees thing.

They are both sitting independently, although Connor is probably a bit better than Avery. She is trying desperately to sit from a lieing down position.

Connor has 4 teeth, with a 5th to come soon. Avery is the slacker with just her two bottom teeth;)

Connor is my giggly boy; Avery is the cuddler. She is quick to cry, but relatively easy to sooth, at least with the tricks I have figured out. Connor is NOT a fusser, but when he does is almost inconsolable at times. This is probably because he usually only cries when something hurts; while Avery just has that mentality of "look at me, I'm crying, pick me up."

Their 9 month pedi appt is tomorrow so I'll know official stats then, but for now:
1) they are getting ready to move to size 4 diapers
2) Connor wears 6-9 or 9 month clothes; Avery is in 6 or 6-9
3) 4 bottles a day, about 30 oz of formula/breast milk
4) Two solids a day, usually a fruit and a veggie. Connor still has a pretty significant gag reflex so he doesn't do well with anything except really pureed foods. Avery loves food so much that she sucks it off the spoon, and gnaws the spoon with her teeth:)
5) Connor's hair is red, with the start of a wave/curl on top; Avery's brown hair has lightened alot and looks almost blonde.
6) Both still have blue eyes.

This was taken today:)

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