When oh when...

does the 2nd trimester start? I know there are different theories, but they just make me more confused. For me, I thought it was today (13w3d)...but then I start googling and I saw something that said the start of week 14. Dr. S told me "anything after 12 weeks" which was way too lax for my uptight personality so I didn't listen.

I know I'm close, but HOW close??!!!

Things seem to be progressing. My symptoms have gone from 90-100% of the time to 50-75% of the time. All this means though is that I get lulled into a feeling of "ahhh the yuckies are over"...and then they sneak up and kick my butt.

I think my bloat is about gone. My squishy stuff is definately being taken over by a harder feeling. Maternity pants/short are my new best friend. You wouldn't think I'd need them yet, but they are oh so comfortable.

11 days until next OB appt. Our NT results should be here any day. They said we'd get a post card 7-10 days after the scan, and tomorrow is 11 days. Suprisingly, I haven't even thought about it.

13 weeks and NEEDING chocolate

I made it to 13 weeks, and am loving the peach for the fruit of the week!



Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body.





Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy. (Much more convenient.)

I apparently am also loving chocolate. I decided to go to the grocery to grab a donut before work...chocolate long john. Of course I needed milk, so on the way to the dairy section I saw some chocolate pudding snacks that looked just wonderful. Grabbed those. Then, on the way to the aisle to get plastic silverware, I passed a display of triple chunk chocolate brownies. You guessed it, I grabbed those too.

The crazy thing is that I am NOT a chocolate fan. Sure, I'll eat it, but it's not my idea of a treat. Except for today.

My symptoms seem to be TRYING to slow down a bit. Two nights ago, after a busy day at work, I went home and was in over-drive getting things done, and had to force myself to bed at 10:30. Last night, I was asleep by 6:30. The nauseau is much better, with the exception of almost puking up a glass of water this morning. Yuck.

My boss told me (affectionately of course!) that I am looking "poochy." I'll take it, it's better than bloated:-)

Awareness

I've started going live with our news. There are some co-workers I've been wanting to tell, and was so excited yesterday that I did just that. Of course, I get the usual responses (which follow lots of yelling and jumping up and down, of course). "Were you trying?, "Is this your first?", "How do you feel?" To all, I responded with something like "oh, yes, we tried for four long years, and it took us 2 IVF's to get to this point. Yes, I feel like crap, but am ecstatic everyday that I am sick and fatigued." That seemed to go over well. I could immediately see that they, if not "got it" then at least had some sort of idea where I was coming from.

Then there is the co-worker who said (as I was showing her the u/s picture) "the first page of my son's baby book is of his first u/s." My response? "Well, since we did IVF our first picture of baby is when it was just an embryo." She looked at my like I had 3 heads. Did I say something wrong? Make her uncomfortable? I don't know, and I really don't care.

Dan and I are both very open about what we went through. It is our reality, just like some people's reality is getting pregnant on their honeymoon. I'm open about the fact that we spent $40ishK to get pregnant, that we have 2 frozen embryos in a lab, that I went through surgery and nights and nights/weeks and weeks of shots to get to this point. Dan is open about the fact that he had to do his thing in a cup, and inject me with 70 shots (and that was just for IVF #2).

My goal isn't to make people uncomfortable, but if our situation educates, or better yet HELPS one person, I think it's fantastic. I get that some people are embarrassed by IF, or don't share their struggles b/c friends/family have opposing religious/political views, but we aren't like that.

I think of Dr. K every day. As we left the u/s yesterday, she is honestly the first person I wanted to call. I didn't of course. If all is still well at 20 weeks, I'll send her an u/s pic, and hopefully a pic of my obvious baby belly, and of course a thank you card. I'm starting to cry just thinking about it. I just owe her so much...

And speaking of awareness, here's the shirt I've been dying to get. Maybe I'll take the plunge and order after next Dr. S appt.

And of course one for McBaby

NT scan at 12 weeks

First things first. 12 weeks today. HOORAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had a nice long visit with McBaby today. The tech needed certain pics and baby was just not cooperating. Since that was the reason we were there, we had no choice but to get a nice long look.

Everything looked great! I asked if she would please appease me and show me the h/b before getting to what she was trying to do. She did, and it was there (162bpm) and I instantly relaxed.

We got to see fingers and toes and a big belly and skinny little legs:-) We were just in awe. I think we both could have sat there all day, just looking. Once she zoomed out for the full body look, I started crying. There was our baby, head to toe, looking wonderful and the tears started flowing. Poor tech thought she was hurting me. Dan explained that I get "like that" alot these days;-) The only result we got today was that one of the measurements needed to be less than 3, and ours was 1.2 so that's good. The rest will come via postcard in 7-10 days. I'm not too worried. I'm not worried at all actually.

She *did* make a gender prediction and I hate to put it here, but it's like a secret we can't keep. She guessed GIRL. JUST A GUESS. She didn't see an inkling of anything "extra." Now, I know that the guess would be more likely to be right if it was a boy, since it's hard to miss something if it's there. McBaby could still be a boy...just a slow grower if you know what I mean;-)

Anyhoo...that's my story for the day. Next u/s will be the BIG u/s at 20 weeks, where we can confirm gender.

my new (kind of sick) obsession

My curiousity has turned into obsession. Each day, I google whatever day pregnant am (today would be 11 weeks, 5 days) and look at all u/s pictures that I can find. It's a bonus if there is actually a video. I am just intrigued by what is going on inside of me right now, and apparently have the need to see.it.every.day.

It's weird, and kind of sick, and gross...I know all these things but I still do it.

I'm actually thinking of taking our camera to the NT scan on Thursday, not to take a picture, but b/c it has a 2-3 minute video capacity. Then I'd have my own video:-)

Symptoms wise...nausea is still there, but not as constant as it has been. I opted not to get the Zofran script filled, since my lovely insurance company won't pay for it, and I refuse to pay $150 for 30 pills. So, unless it gets REALLY bad, I'll just suck it up.

I continue to be completely exhausted. My b-day was Sunday. I was asleep by 6 pm. I'm regularly sleeping AT LEAST 10 hours a day, sometimes straight through...other times with a nap or two built in.

I've been noticing my dreams have also been getting more "real." Last night, I actually dreampt that I was having a nightmare. In my dream, I was able to tell myself it was a nightmore, and actually got to "enjoy" it, since I knew it wasn't real. It was sort of like watching my own scary movie.

The closer it gets, I'm extremely nervous about Thursday. I just feel like if all looks good I can finally start to relax and enjoy. (OK, I know this probably isn't the case, but it's what I tell myself to get through another day). And by "look good" I simply mean a good heart beat. Even if we get discouraging news regarding Downs or something else, I will consider it a great day if there is a still a heart beating at the correct rate.

McBaby is a lime!

It's 10:15 pm. How am I awake, do you wonder? Simple. I've been asleep since about 6:-)

Two little milestones today. 1) McBaby graduated to lime stage, and 2) the little lime still has a heart beat! Dr. S tried to hear the h/b with a doppler. When I reminded her of my retroverted uterus, she put that down and went straight to the u/s machine. Yes, it was the crappy one, but it was just fine with me.

I saw baby, and then immediately went searching for the h/b. I must have said something like "Where's the h/b? Is there still a h/b?" She zeroed in on it for me and I was immediately a happy camper.

She also gave me a script for Zofran. I'm excited about starting that, in hopes of feeling somewhat normal. I told her about my headaches and she told me they go hand in hand with the nauseau. Oh, and she said my weight gain was in normal limits (i.e. about 3 pounds).

We go back in 4 weeks!!!

Not the best scan, but like I said it's the crappy u/s machine.

unnecessary (??) paranoia

I woke up today with a not so good feeling. There is nothing obviously wrong (i.e. no spotting), and I still feel like crap, but I'm just having a not so positive day. Thankfully OB appt is tomorrow. Maybe I am just preparing myself should 1) we get an u/s and 2) things don't look so good? I don't know, but I don't like the feeling. The rational side of me is saying everything is fine, but still.

I "came out" to some more people at work yesterday. Maybe subconsciously I feel like I'm jinxing myself??

Why can't I just be normal, with normal thoughts?