threatented pre-term labor

This is not what I was anticipating when I went to OB on Tues.
We started out with the ultrasound. Babies look great. A is weighing 2.9 and B is weighing 2.11. Both are transverse, with head on my right side, feet on my left.

And then it went south from there....I saw two cervical legnth measurements. One was 2.3 and the other 2.4. I knew that anything above 3 is good. And I also knew that my last one was between 4-5. So I knew things were different, and not in a good way. I questioned the tech about the "3" measurement and she said actually they are fine with seeing 2.5. That made me feel alot better, so I let her finish up what she was doing without asking 20 more questions.

I then went to another room to wait for Dr. S. I was so tired, and SO hot (it's been over 100 here in STL on a daily basis). I finally just gave in and lied down on the table. But then that hurt, and I was having trouble breathing, so I rolled over on my side. I must have looked like a beached whale when Dr. S walked in, lol.

Her first words were "it's time. It's time to take you out of work." I have never struggled to sit up so quickly! I asked if it was b/c of cervical length and she said that, but more importantly I'm showing some funnelling, bag of water is making it's way into the cervix. THIS was a shock to me.

She ordered the fFn test for the next day, that can be predictive of onset of labor in the next 2 weeks. She put me on bedrest for 48 hours (Wed and Thurs) and said I may be able to tie things up at work on Friday.

I had already decided (while beached whaling it) that I wouldn't fight bedrest if there was good reason. However, I had a meeting scheduled for Wed morning that I was running, adn the only person from my office to go. I asked if I could go. She asked where and what time, and I told her. She said "absolutely not, your water could break, on the way there, and I would never forgive myself."

SLAP IN THE FACE #1.

The thought of my water breaking just FLOORED me. I started crying. She started crying. (I have a way of doing that to docs, lol). She told me she'd been warning me from the begining that this day would come, and this is why. She didn't want me to be surprised. but, how could I NOT be surprised!?!?

I just had this obviously WRONG idea that my body was strong enough to pull this off.

"What if fFn is positive?" She told me I'd go to labor and delivery to start the steriod shots to strengthen babies lungs.

SLAP IN THE FACE #2.

Really, my babies could come this early? I've been telling people "probably September." Never in my wildest dreams have I even ENTERTAINED the idea of "maybe July."

Fastforward to Wed. Dan drove me for the fFn test, which luckily came back negative, meaning that there's a 90% change I WON'T go into labor in next 2 weeks.
I talked with nurse this morning, who confirmed bedrest until Tues, at which time I'll get another u/s to measure cervical length, and then meet with Dr. S to discuss a plan.

So, here I sit. Dan is off running errands, Mother in Law came to pick up Sophie, and I'm not so patiently having my second day of bedrest. I'm just torn between knowing this is what is best, but also knowing that I am already eating up my leave time. I fully expected to go back to work tomorrow. I felt confident in that after getting my negative test result last night. So, Dr. S knocked me down again making me stay out until Tues.

I also HATE the unknown. I am a planner by nature. I need to know what is next, and then next. The fact that I won't know anything until Tues is driving me nuts, and even then I know that will only plan for a few weeks.

But again, the good news is that babies are good. I was SO paranoid (prior to u/s) that baby A wasn't doing well, but she is.

I'm feeling major guilt that I'm still not bonding with these guys though. I would have expected this situation to help with that, but it hasn't so far. That's a different post though.