PTL=Hospital stay

After the last horrible appt that put me on bedrest, Dr. S wanted to see me one last time before she left for vacation. So, Tues afternoon Dan took me to get the u/s and then to meet with her. I pride myself in being able to read u/s machines fairly easily, but the cervical length check always throws me off, so for those, I just tend to look at the numbers that pop up on the screen. I could tell by th numbers I was seeing that things were ok. The u/s tech agreed that things seemed stable, with no more shortening.

I was feeling better as we went to wait for Dr. S, who unfortunately walked into our room looking quite somber. "Well, it's shortened again." Apparently she and the tech had a disareement in length. According to Dr.S length had gone from 37 two weeks ago to 27 last week, to 24 this week. All not good.

She said the dreaded words,I want you to get monitored. What I later learned that meant was an NST on L & D. She also wanted to start the steroid shots for babies lungs, which I knew was a 2 day process, b/c there needs to be 24 in between in shot.

So there we were. Three minutes later, Dan, Sophie and I were back on the floor on which I'd actually given birth to Sophie. THAT was surreal. And in fact, all the monitoring rooms were full, so we were put in a L & D room, complete with baby warmer. I remember seeing that warmer when being induced to have Sophie and it scared the crap out of me. Tues night, I was in denial it was there...b/c certainly we wouldn't need it.

EVERYONE kept asking if I was contracting. My "go to" answer for weeks has been "no, not contracting, but I do feel alot of tightening." Well....turns out that tightening was being read as a contraction on the NST and was happening 2-5 times an hour! So, they gave me terbtuline (or however it's spelled). I hope that's as close to crack as I ever get. I wanted to jump out of my skin! I was on the phone when she administered it through my IV and had to hang up b/c I thought my heart would jump out of my chest. But, it did significatnly reduce the contrax.

Dr. S came to see me one last time before she left, telling me all would be fine. She also ordered a consult with an MFM that comes highly recommended. I was excited about that, b/c boy did I have questions.

Once I was settled, Dan and i had to figure out a plan. I was freaked a bit, and wanted him to stay, but then what to do with Sophie. She went to stay with my MIL. As soon as I kissed her goodbye and they walked out the door I started BAWLING. Big, ugly tears. I was scared, in shock, sad that I was in such a preciment. Resentful of these two babies still inside. What havoc they are already reaking on my little family of three.

Resentful and angry at my BABIES. There I said it. And felt no remorse in those feelings. What kind of mother am I? I've mentioned all along that I have little in the way of bonding with these two, but this just really draws the line, I think it's time to get back on the Prozac. Although, I do have to admit that listening to their heartbeats for hours at a time, along with knowing exactly where they are positioned helped a great deal. I could at least differentiate who was kicking vs. punching, lol.

So, more bad news is about to be delivered. Later Tues afternoon, Dr. S's oncall dr comes to see me, and does an exam to check for diliation. And I am dilated to one. This is definate progress in a BAD way. She increases my niphedipine to 4x day, assures me I'll go home Wed night after steroid shot and that's about it. I question her about the specialist, as I have every nurse that walks in and she says she'll look into it.

Wed Morning: I learn that I get to see Dr. Paul (baby guru, who specializes in keeping babies INSIDE), but that I first need another u/s before he will see me. So, I get that 1:30, he comes in about an hour later. In one DAY, cervix has shortened from 24 to 20. Not.good.knews.

Dr. Paul comes highly recommendend and lives up to the hype. He is fabulous and brilliant and every other fantastic word you want to use. In a nutshell, he was not comfortable with me going home, but after sticking me on what feels like 1000 new drugs, he was ok. Here's the plan.

1)I will rotate between seeing him and seeing Dr. S every other week. THis Monday I'll see Dr. S, next week, I'll see him.

2) I will get an u/s at each visit. One week they'll look at cervical length, amnio fluid; the next week they'll look at baby growth.

3) Startng lots of new meds.
antiobiotics (just in case)
increasing niphedipine to 4 x day
procardia (I think to thicken up mucous plug)
endoocin ( I think that's how it's spelled). this is another to stop contractions. but one of the side effects is reducing amniotic fluid. Dr. P feels this can be good with twins, b/c losing a bit of fluid will lighten the load on the weight/volume that the uterus is carrying to hopefully avoid early labor.


So, in a nutshell,I'm jacked up on every drug imaginable. I've gotten both steroid shots, so babies lungs are somewhat protected over the next two weeks. I've gotten my goal of weekly monitoring. I've been instructed to head to L & D if I am having 4-6 contrax an hour, for two hours in a row. If I'm unsure if it's a contrax, call it a contrax. So, here I sit.

Bedrest is hard. I was approved for up to 4 hours of work from home a day, which is proving hard given Sophie entertaining and the fact that Dan needs the laptop for his job too. BUT, every hour I can work from home is good. At this point, we're pretty much guarenteed that I will have to take at least one month of unpaid leave. As the breadwinner of this little family, that.will.hurt. But it is what it is.

I feel so grateful for everyone who has called, sent e-mails, etc. We both feel very supported in this new little predicament that has developed:)