crying it out...

To update about weaning...so far, cutting out this first session has been ok. 2 days ago, I went 12 hours though, and that was a bit rough on the girls, but I made it home and Sophia was able to give me some relief, lol.

I need to talk about about her overnight sleeping. Up until my sisters wedding about 6 weeks ago, we were totally in the groove. I'd successfully moved her bedtime to 9ish (from 10ish), and it was working well for us. Then, we spent 2 days in a hotel, with lots of new hands holding her, and it all went to hell. Since then, she sleeps in bed with us more often than she doesn't. I've finally gotten to the point that I let her fall asleep in our bed, and then (attempt to) move her to her crib. This typically results in her screaming about 5 minutes after I put her down, to which I respond by picking her up again and putting her back in our bed. We do this cycle 2-3times before I give up and just let her sleep in our bed.

I KNOW it's just about comfort. Seriously, once I pick her up and she knows she's on the way back to our bed, she's asleep before her head hits the bed.

I do LOVE her to sleep next to me, but this also feeds into comfort nursing in the middle of the night. Lately, she has wanted to nurse up to 3 times each night. It's fine, BUT, I know she's not hungry, and quite honestly it is tiring. Not her actual nursing, but waking up, falling asleep, same thing 2 hours later. Each night, I tell myself this has got to stop. THis is NOT going to be good for weaning.

So last night, I laid down the law. When I got home I told Dan "I'm going to let Sophie cry tonight. I don't know how long I will last, but I need you to be supportive of whatever I decide. I don't need your physical help, but I do need your emotional support so no sighing, foot-tapping, hand-patting on the chair to let me know in your passive aggresive way that you on not happy." He said ok, and that was that.

Fastforward to bedtime. She finally fell asleep in our bed, after nursing, at about 9:45. I put her in her crib at 10:10, and the crying started about 5 minutes later. She cried for 20 minutes. I wanted to give in. I really did. The only thing that stopped me was the realization that if she comes back to our bed, I will once again not get a solid night's sleep, not to mention the weaning aspect. Plus, I kept remembering people telling me "if you give in and go get her, you're going to have to go this long, plus more time, next time you try it." That alone was reason to not give in. And, the thought of my letting her cry like this was possibly scarring her for life also entered my mind a few times. As I was going back and forth in my mind, she stopped. Silence. For a second I wondered if she was dead, and that I realized how ridulous that thought was. I started to drift off, and then the crying started again. Slightly louder. She cried for another 10 minutes and then silence again. And that was that.

I must confess that I had a glass of wine before this ordeal started. Because I knew it would be an ordeal. It did make it slightly better, I guess. Is it horrible of me that I didn't find her crying completely heart-breaking? I mean, it was obvious she wasn't in pain. Her decibel level did get up there a few times, but for the most part it was a "why isn't anyone paying attention to me" cry.

She did wake up one time in the middle of the night, but I must have been exhausted b/c I barely heard her, which means I did NOT go get her. She woke up on her own at 7, ready to nurse, and then right back to sleep:)

So, I don't think there's any permanent damage done!