Friday, March 26, 2010

Where is my head???

Twice today, I've obviously had infertility on my mind. 1) My boss mentioned the word "donor." She was talking financial donor, I was thinking egg/sperm donor. 2) I just typed what I thought was "implementation." When I read what I had written, I had typed "implantation."

Nice. Sophie will be 16 weeks tomorrow and I still have infertility brain. It still bothers me to see pregnant women, or hear that someone got pregnant *this* quickly. I'm forever scarred I guess, but I do hope that my jealousy lessens with time.

Big news in Sophie's world is that she is grabbing and holding on to her toys. Last week she would take them from me (if she could coordinate that) and then drop them. Now she actually holds on to/shakes/plays with them. It's so fun!! She's also outgrowing her 3 month clothes, and she's not even 4 months yet. I'm feeding her well;) She's actually taken herself from 6 feedings a day (4 oz each) down to 4 to 5 a day (still at 4 oz). I'm trying not to worry about the "ounce per day" requirement, b/c I'm quite sure she's not meeting it. We're monitoring her diapers and she's obviously growing (well)...so I'm just going to go with her flow. I'm sure this is the first of many things I'll have to follow her lead on so I may as well get used to it.

We continue to be overly enthralled with our beautiful little girl. We just can't get enough of her. We aren't chomping at the bit to get out and do something without her, b/c we LOVE being with her. I know that will change (and we'll need/want our space) but for now I'm soaking up every minute.

Last weekend I took some work home for the weekend. While it was a priority to get done, I focused most of my attention on Sophia, even if was to just hold her an extra five minutes. I don't want to look back in a month, a year, ten years and wish I had taken more time to just hold her/play with her. One of Dan's friends on FB recently posted that it was her daughter's birthday, and her wish on that day was to be able to play with her when she was a little girl again. That really touched both of us, and that thought just keeps playing in my head. I want to make the most of this time and feel like I'm doing a good job, despite.the.total.exhaustion.

We were standing over her crib a few nights ago and Dan said "can you believe she's ours." Oh, hello waterworks. No, I still can't believe she's ours. I still cry sometimes when I look at her. I love that I am sharing this with someone who also doesn't take her for granted. He just stares at her sometimes (as do I) with a look of total amazement and contentment. To say we adore her is an understatement. If we had to deal with the hell that is infertilty to get to a feeling like this, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Pics this weekend. Promise:)

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