Being drained...

Well, the drain is in. It's disgusting. Not really, but b/c it's in me it's disgusting. The had to give me ALOT of local anesethia to get the job done. If I weren't breastfeeding I would have opted for general anesethia just to get some rest!

The tube has a bulb attached to it that fills up which I have to empty into the toilet periodically. I have to change the dressing everyday and flush the drain with saline. I just did this for the first time and ended up on the bathroom floor:( I didn't completely faint but just sort of slid onto the floor. It was all I could do to finish the saline.

I go back on Wed to get the abscess checked and hopefully get the drain taken out. They did tell me that on Tues the abscess was 6 x 7 cms and yesterday it had reduced to 3 x 4, so we're going in the right direction.

I promise some cute pics in my next post:)

could be worse

I met with the surgeon this morning. He looked at the abscess and gave me 3 options.

1) a series of aspirations until the meds help kill the infection and the cavity can close up

2) drainage tubes which essentially does the same thing as #1, but wouldn't require me to keep going to office

3) incision to clear the cavity and then have to deal with gauze and packing/unpacking wound until it heals



Obviously we wanted to go with least invasive so I chose option 1. However, he aspirated on the spot and got half of what they got yesterday, which apparently is alot considering it was less than 24 hours later. He basically said that unless we were proactive, we could be looking at option 3 regardless. So he made the executive decision to go with option 2. So, drainage tubes are being "installed" haha tomorrow, and I'll go back next Wed for a follow-up. He just felt strongly that he didn't want the area to explode on me over the weekend and have to deal with it myself. He seemed to feel that this might actually happen and I'm grateful to not have to worry about going to ER.

Best news though, is that he doesn't want me to stop bfing or pumping. At this point, it would actually be detrimental to healing process b/c I'd get engorged and the cavity would just keep filling. So, he told me to keep going!!

I am dreading tomorrow. I really have no idea what to expect.

Abscess.

Did I spell that right? I'm not sure and honestly don't care right now. I went to see the nurse practitioner today b/c what I thought was a clogged milk duct/annoying mastitis is still lingering. Turns out it's an abscess. I knew something was wrong when I saw the look on her face:-/ However, part of me felt slightly validated for the pain it's been causing. I don't want to be quick to say bfing hurts, b/c I've heard some horror stories. Nice to know that it also looks painful. I guess. Anyhoo...

She brought the dr in for a 2nd opinion,wrote a script and sent me upstairs for an u/s. After the tech did the u/s (also saw the pained look on her face when she saw my issue), she brought in the radiologist who re-did the u/s. He basically said it was an abscess, and something needed to be done today. So they aspirated the spot. It took 3 syringes. fuuunnnnn times....They cancelled the script called in by Dr. S's office and called in something much stronger. I have an appt with the surgeon at 7:30 am tomorrow. No, I will not be going to sleep tonight. Apparently the surgeon will tell me if it needs more than aspiration, which would obviously mean surgery. YAY. All of this paled in comparison to the radiologist telling me that I might have to quick breastfeeding, at least from that side. I fought off the tears, at least until he left. Stopping bfing would also mean stopping pumping from that side, to reduce the chances of the "pocket" filling up again. TMI, but this is the side that is the "mega" producer. I get minimal from the other side. So to stop producing on that side basically means that bfing/pumping would be over.

Yes, I've talked about stopping breastfeeding, and also thought briefly about starting formula...but it needs to be on my own terms. To be told I have to stop is not something I wanted to here. I'm still trying to process that discussion and hope to get better news tomorrow.

Oh, and Sophie and I rocked today. I took her with me b/c I wasn't prepared to be shipped around to different offices and really thought my appt would be in and out. Once they sent me for an u/s, I had to end up nursing her in the changing room (b/c I didn't expect to need to bring a bottle). Also had to change her on the dressing room floor. But we survived, and it's nice to know I'm capable:)

Routines, updates and birthday pics:)

Things are status quo around here. Trying to solidify a routine, if that's even possible. Seems Sophia likes sleeping 10 pm-10am (ish). She'll wake up once about 3 am and eat, and then again between 6-7. She typically goes back to sleep right after each feeding. So in all, not a bad nightime for us. Daytime, she eats anywhere from every 2-4 hours.

She still naps during the day, some days more than others but there are days that those naps are MAYBE 30 minutes. Otherwise, her big blue eyes are staring at us all day long:)

I think she's on the tail end of her 6 week growth spurt. There were a few days when she would just eat, and eat, and eat...followed by a few days of nothing but sleeping. One in particular I swore she was asleep 11 out of her typical 12 "daytime" hours, and would not sleep that night, but she did. And although we've increased her bottles to 3 oz, she's still sucking on her hand after several of them so I may try a bit more and see what happens.

Today, I'm leaning more towards exclusively pumping, especially as her appetite increases. I just don't feel confident in knowing how much she's getting when she nurses. Plus, it seems like she's hungrier faster when she nurses vs. when she's fed with a bottle so there must be something to my theory.

Her eyesight seems to have expanded as well. I'm pretty sure she can see several feet now. Her eyes also try to seek out me or Dan when we talk:) OH AND...last night Dan was holding her, trying to burp her and she held her head up off of his shoulder for a good 5 minutes:) My big girl!!!

Newborn clothes are almost a thing of the past. She's outgrown some already, but the rest have short lives I think. I keep putting her in my favorite sleeper b/c I know it's just a matter of time:( We've also graduated to size 1 diapers. We've actually been using them for a bit, but it's official that the newborn ones (of which we had one left in the diaper bag) just don't get the job done anymore, if you know what I mean;)

I've figured out my job status and when I'm going back. I'll save that for another day, as I'm sad and frustrated and still in a bit of denial.

Now for the birthday pics. I had breakfast with Stephanie this weekend and she gave me the CD of all the pics she took. Here are some of my faves. We're just so glad that she was able to be there to document this for us.

Just try to resist this face:) This may also be a blackmail pic in future years!

I was a bit out of it, but I'm pretty sure this was Dan's first time holding her.

Definately my first time holding her:)

Hands down, my 3 favorites:)

Meeting Dr. Keller

Dan and I took Sophia to meet Dr. Keller last week. I never did send her a thank you note, as I had intended to throughout the pregnancy. I always said I'd do it "after my next dr appt." But then that next appt happened and I never felt confident that I'd make it to the next appt...so the thank you note never got sent.

Yes, I had to fight the tears as we walked in to the office. There was one man in the waiting room and I hoped the sight of the carseat and our smiles didn't bother him. I had hoped they had scheduled at a time when they weren't seeing patients, but I guess it couldn't be avoided. Seeing Dr. Keller was just bittersweet. She gave both of hugs and the first thing she said was "I'm sorry Stacey but she looks exactly like Dan:)" We spent almost an hour there, and met with all the staff and techs. They all remembered me, not sure if that's good or bad. Dr. Keller did ask if we were planning on returning to the clinic. For now, I'll plead the 5th on our response.

She took a picture of the 3 of us for the wall in her office. She said on bad days she looks at her wall to remember why she does what she does. And of course we took our picture with her!

In all, we had a nice visit. It was the closure I needed, that I'd been trying for for months but was never able to get.

Here we are last night-6 weeks!!

6 week check-up

Me this time, not Sophia. It's hard to believe it's been 6 weeks, and the last time I made that trip to the DR it was actually to check in to the hospital for the induction. Time flies when you're having fun;)

We talked about the mastitis and I told her that the lump I had was most definately still a lump and doesn't seem to be going anywhere. She suggested pumping after nursing which scares me a bit. I already feel like my supply is average/above average, and I'm afraid nursing and then pumping EVERY time is just going to increase it. Our freezer is already almost out of space, and I can't stand the thought of dumping out what I pump. Dr. S suggested milk donation which I *have* thought of, guess I should look into it a little more. We donated Sophie's cord blood, so why not my milk?

She asked about birth control to which I replied "we won't be needing any." She just nodded in approval and told me she hoped to see me before my next annual appt. Yeah, right, but the thought was nice. I have no hope whatsoever for a surprise.

We talked about post partum depression. I told her I was doing "ok" but would like to get back on my Prozac. My script ran out when I was about 6 weeks pregnant and I decided not to refill it. Now, I'm having a hard time figuring out what is hormones and what is depression/irritability. I wouldn't say I'm depressed though, more irritable than anything. Spending the past 6 weeks in a small condo with Dan and newborn can be trying;) It's not like I can gauge the irritability on different situations, since this is my ONLY situation right now. I'd like to get it under control before I go back to work. And the act of actually GOING back to work will probably be much easier if I am medicated:)

Of course I took Sophie with me, because I had to show her off! Luckily she was awake and very alert and most definately caught the attention of most of the staff in the office:) It's nice to have other people tell me how beautiful my daughter is:)

Oh the joys...

I have mastitis. I woke up 2 days ago feeling like I was getting the flu, but fairly certain I wasn't after a flu and H1N1 vaccine. I was lethargic and achy and had a low grade fever accompanied by chills. On top of that, I had SERIOUS, HORRIFIC pain in my right breast. When I hold Sophie, her head is always on my right arm and I could hardly stand to hold her, b/c her weight was just too much to stand. Fun. I have my 6w pp appt with Dr. Streiff on Friday but didn't feel like I should wait so I called the nurse. Turns out it's not the flu, but mastistis. I have it on both sides:( Dr. S called in some antiobiotics and I was already starting to feel better yesterday. Things seem even better this morning, so I'm hoping it completely clears up soon. I didn't bf yesterday. I didn't want to take the chance of Sophie moving the wrong way; I just couldn't fathom the pain. At least with a pump, I have a little more control! So she got mega bottles yesterday and did just fine. I really think I might want to try exclusive pumping. We'll see.

Also, yesterday Sophie had a dr appt. We thought she was getting shots but that's not until 2 months. We did, however, have lots to discuss/lots of questions. First things first, she is up to 9.5 pounds, so has gained almost 2 pounds since birth. She also grew .5 inch. Interestingly, she is in the 25% percentile for height and weight (I find this odd b/c I guess she really is a smallish size baby), and 75% in head circumfrence. She definately has Dans head!

I assumed she's been having some digestive issues. She's been spitting up for the past week or so, which is a new thing. Dr. R said that's normal with bf babies around 4 weeks so nothing to worry about. SHe's also been having some issues with the other end. She will just scream these blood curdling screams and she seems extremely constipated, and in pain. Dr. R said it's not uncommon for bf babies to go up to a week with only one poop (!!!) and so she was definately not constipated since she goes several times a day. She told me to watch my diet and see if I can identify anything that might be making her uncomfortable. If I can't, the general, vague dx was "a little bit colic-y." Poor girl:(

Dr. R asked us all the developmental questions and she passed with flying colors. Smiling, cooing (LOVE this!), increased neck strength.

My friend Stephanie who took our maternity pics was also at the hospital for Sophie's birth. I've had a sneak preview of some of the pics and will get the rest this weekend. Steph works for the STL Post-Dispatch and asked if she could write a short blog post (focusing on the pics not the story). Here's a link...
www.stltoday.com/blogzone/pictures/pictures/2010/01/two-become-three.

One month old today and pedi appt.

Yesterday was Sophia's follow-up u/s after wearing the harness for 3 weeks. In all, it went really well. We did the u/s and then the tech called the doctor to come take a look. Ortho was VERY happy with the results. There is still a bit more change needed so she'll still wear the harness, but it goes down from 20 hours to 16ish hours each day. We'll probably still keep it on her as much as possible, but take it off for trips out of the house. Plus, in this freezing STL weather, the harness doesn't fit well (if at all) over her warmer clothes.

To be selfish, I'm just excited that I'll get some non-harness snuggle time:) We go back in 2 months for a follow-up and hope to see the dysplasia completely gone.

In fun news, Sophie is 1 month old today!!! Hard to believe, but we're starting to see changes almost daily now. She smiles regularly, especially during that fun morning play/snuggle time. She's also started grasping things with her hands, including the collars of our shirts as we put her down lol. She's eating more, up to about 2.5 ounces from the 2 that she had previously been eating. She's starting to sleep overnight in slighly longer stretches, 3-4 hours from her 2-3 hours.

I did a make shift weigh in last week and at that point she was up to almost 9 pounds! Her cheeks and belly are definately starting to fill out, so it makes me feel like I'm doing something right. In preparation for going back to work, I'm working to eliminate overnight breastfeeding sessions. She typically eats twice over night, between 1-2 and 3-4. Those feedings are now replaced by bottles of breastmilk. I know me, and I know this is a smart move for going back to work. It's just much easier to pull a bottle out of fridge, then deal with the frustration of middle of the night breastfeeding. Plus, with the bottles, I can recruit Dan's help for those feedings.

The downfall of eliminating those bfing sessions is that I've been waking in the middle of the night feeling ready to just explode. It hurts. Yuck. Today/last night was much better so hopefully my body is getting used to it. I still pump as much as I can, esp in the morning when my supply seems better. I think I have 200+ oz frozen already. I don't know if that's good or not, but it's what I've got and our freezer space is getting limited:) I can usually freeze 12-20 oz per day, and that is WITH feeding her fresh milk so it seems ok.

To be honest, I'm not a fan of breastfeeding. I'm doing it for her, and that's about it. As such, I've gone back and forth several times about exclusively pumping and bottle feeding her. I need to research the pros and cons I guess. But everytime I think I've decided to go that route, we'll have a really good nursing session and then I'm all about bfing again. I'm so indecisive:)

Here are a few new pics. I'll try to post ones that aren't on FB so those that are my friends on there get new pics here!! I'm such a people pleaser:)

Good grief. I just realized the 3 pics I uploaded all have her pacifier. Really, we don't use it all the time I SWEAR!!