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Saturday, October 29, 2011

mother in law:(

I started this post over a week ago. For probably obvious reasons I haven't been able to finish, so I'm posting it now. I know many of my friends have been curious, but have been too nice to ask what happened (thank you for that), so here goes.

These are the facts. I suppose the emotions will come later. I realize it ends abruptly, but I can't go any further with this right now.
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Dan's mom, Bonnie, died last weekend. I can't believe I just typed that. It was a complete shock, totally unexpected. She was only 68. Morbid as it might be, I need to get this out, to have it for my rememberence. It's part of my processing, so here goes.

Last Thursday, around 5:30, she fell at our house. Dan, Sophie and I were at the dining room table when I heard her yell help. I got to her just in time to see her fall on her back, her head bouncing on the hardwood floors. She had been holding Avery while trying to stand up. She somehow did a 180 because when I found her, her feet were at the chair and her head away from it. She knew she was falling and had thrown Avery in the pack n play, which was luckily right next to her.

Dan and I helped her up. She said that other than her neck and head hurting she was ok. She sat back in the chair for just a minute or so and then got up and grabbed her purse and newspaper to leave. I thought this was a bit odd. I expected her to want/need to rest longer than a minute or two. She was almost out the front door when she said "why am I taking this paper?" I told her it was her paper, than she had brought it with her that morning. She said "are you sure it's not yours?" She had no memory of bringing it with her. She lingered for a minute or so and then looked out the front door and asked "is that my car?" That's when I looked at Dan to see if he was listening, which he was.

We told her yes it was her car. She asked what day it was. I responded by saying "what day do you think it is" and she said she didn't know. I told her it was Thursday, and that tomorrow was Friday. I reminded her that Friday was her "maintainance" day, when she got her nails and hair done. She said "I don't get my nails done." Dan and I looked at each other again. She has gotten her nails done weekly for as long as I can remember, at least since she retired several years ago.

I asked her if she wanted to go to the ER. She said no. We talked a bit more. She knew who she was and where she wss, so that made me feel a bit better. We went through a few more questions that she couldn't answer. I said to her several more times "please let us take you to the ER, or at least urgent care." SHe still said no.

I wouldn't let her drive home. Dan took her and we dropped off her car the next day. I made him leave a note for her to call her doctor when she woke up on Friday.

On Friday, she called Dan late morning to let us know she had talked to dr, who said it sounded like she had a concussion, but there was no need to see him unless she felt she needed to. She didn't. he gave her a script for Vicodin. I asked him how her memory was and he said it was ok, but he didn't really ask her anything for us to judge her memory. We didn't talk to her the rest of the day.

On Saturday morning, about 10:30, she came over unannounced and asked if we needed her help that day. I was in the bedroom feeding babies but heard Dan tell her that we'd love her help. I heard her go in the family room with Sophie and then heard her in the kitchen making some odd noises, not grunts really, but just odd. I later found out from Dan that she had been trying to get Sophie some juice. She went to the microwave (thinking it was the fridge) and tried to open it. She couldn't. She couldn't find the button to open it. She went to the wrong drawer to get her sippy cup (she knows where we keep them).

A few minutes after I heard the odd noises, which in hindsight must have been her frustration at not being able to open the microwave, she came to see me in the bedroom. I asked how she was feeling. She tried to talk. Her mouth opened and she tried to talk but only odd noises were coming out. She was finally able to say "well if I could talk." Then said "I think it would be better if I went home and got in my own bed." I told her that she knew best and she knew what she needed to do. She said "not always" and smiled. Then, she turned around and left.

I had assumed, most likely incorrectly, that her inabililty to speak was from possible over-medication with the Vicodin. I looked at Dan and told him she didn't need to be driving, and that I was shocked she had made it to our house at all.

We didn't hear from her anymore that day, or the next day. We were busy preparing for/hosting my sisters baby shower so didn't have time to give it much thought.

When we woke up on MOnday morning I told him that he should call her to check in. He hadn't gotten the chance when his phone rang. I could tell from the way he answered the phone that it was his mom. But then I heard him say "this is her younger son." At that point, I assumed it was either her dr or the ER calling us. By this point I was in front of him, trying to figure out what was being said on the other end of the phone. Then Dan said "that's ok. you're only doing your job. I'll be right there.

He hung up and I asked him what happened. he said "mom is dead. I have to go ID the body." My head immediately started spinning. I was holding Connor so luckily didn't faint. In quite a dramatic fashion I'm sure, I told him that I was going with him, that he shouldn't go alone. While trying to put his shoes on he attempted to talk me down from a ledge, reminding me that we have 3 babies to take care of. I told him we'd pack them all up and take them too...not thinking about Sophie and how she did NOT need to be a part of this.

So, he went by himself to his mom's house just 2 miles away and ID'd her dead body.

7 comments:

mag said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I wish there was more I could say, except I know nothing can really take your pain away. I can't even begin to imagine what your family is going through. You are all in my prayers.

WeeMasonMan's Mom said...

Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine. I'm so so sorry for this surprising and horrible loss :o(

Anonymous said...

Continuing to keep you all in my thoughts. I know I've said it countless times before, but I truly am so very sorry for your loss. You know that I understand. Always here for you if you need me. <3
~Jenny

Kayla said...

Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thoughts and prayers for your family.

ASP said...

So incredibly sorry for your loss. How sad for all of you. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers...

Fran said...

Oh my dear...I am so so sorry, sending you and Dan love and condolences. Fran

lklomicka said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your family. Will definitely be thinking of you all and praying for you.