Reassured by a PAPAYA!

Baby's settling into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

I felt more whoosing of bubbles today. Once about 9 am, and then again about lunchtime. To me, THAT is reassurance. FINALLY!

Hoping I remember to have Dan take a 22 week picture tonight. We took one last week but it turned out crappy so I didn't post. To me, I don't look much different than 2 weeks ago. Although yesterday, I did pop the button off of my last pair of non-maternity pants-oops. And no, if you are worried that I stuffed myself into them I didn't. They were actually very comfy and I was shocked to discover the missing button. Maternity tops are still on the largish size, but I have a few that are starting to look ok.

Edited to add my 22 belly picture!

Thumps and bubbles:-)

Well...that's what I got today around lunchtime. I was sitting here typing away and felt some thumps. Then I felt a whoosh of bubbles, very central, right below my belly button. She must be having fun in there:-) Best 5 minutes of my day!

AND, to those who ask if I can buy/rent a Doppler...good news! Sara (who is saving my life AGAIN!) just found out she has one in her office...which is just across the park. So. No more worries. I may be seeing alot of Sara in the next few months:-)

Backfire...

So my attempt to be normal (start a registry, plan a nursery, come up with a name) backfired tremendously over the past 24 hours.

Yesterday? I was happy as a clam making some fun, wonderful plans.
Last night? I was focusing on what I wasn't feeling (McBaby).
Today? MELT DOWN at a staff meeting in which I discussed my maternity leave plans with our group. OK, so I melted down AFTER the staff meeting, but I still melted. Actually, as soon as my "plans" had been told, I left the meeting and called Dr. S, asking to get in for a h/b check. The secretary wanted to know if something was wrong, if I was having trouble feeling the baby. "Um, yes, I can't really say that I've ever FELT my baby." (Starting to write off those thumps I felt last week). Anyhoo, she acted like I was impositioning her b/c they were "so busy today." I said, as politely as I could "look, I did IVF, I'm paranoid, Dr. S said I could come in whenever I need to be reassured. Today is one of those days."

So they fit me in and gave me the talk about "it may take a minute to find." However, Miss McBaby was very cooperative, with a h/b loud and clear right away. Yes, I cried.

I embarrassingly told Dan about the meltdown. I called him as I was driving back to work from the appt. He doesn't really get the paranoia, but I don't really expect him too.

Now, I'm exhausted. I stressed myself out and just want to go home and crawl under the covers. But I'm thrilled to know she's nice and cozy in there:-) At least one of us can relax.

Going BANANAS!!!!!

Baby's now the size of a banana!Baby's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion, and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, if baby is a girl, her womb is now stocked up with her lifetime supply of six million eggs (the number will drop to around one million by birth).

For some reason, the banana analogy has hit home the most. I mean, I know it's silly to think of McBaby as a fruit or veggie, but I have been, thanks to this fun little game. Not to mention I have co-workers coming to my office door each Thursday morning in anticipation of what the new week brings. Thinking of baby as a banana (and almost a foot long!) makes things seem very real. And yes, I am still struggling to think of this is real. I know some might think I am crazy, b/c how could it NOT seem real after 21 weeks. But, it's still very abstract to me and I hate that. I've heard about all of the "bonding" the mother is supposed to do with baby while in-utero and I've had a very hard time with that. I suppose it's self-preservation. Oh how I am envious of those fertile people that just pop up pregnant and live in happy oblivion that they will have a healthy baby 9 months later.

That said, since we found out about Miss McBaby I have started to get outwardly excited. I'm (more) comfortable telling people than I was. I'm more comfortable wearing clothes that accent my bump (YES I HAVE ONE!!) I'm more likely to ask questions of new moms. And as I ASK those questions I'm realizing just HOW much I know NOTHING about babies. Reproductive endocrinology? No problem. But babies? I have nothing. Less than nothing. So I'm entering a whole new arena of things to research, which, if you know me well, you know that I love. (This might also be mistaken for a way to procrastinate at work!)

There are lots of exciting things on the horizon, which I am happy to report I am ALL about.

1) shower planning!!! I know my poor friends have been bouncing off the ceiling waiting to discuss plans, but know me well enough to know that I just wasn't ready...until now.

2) hand in hand with a shower is the registry. I will preface that by saying that I have always been uncomfortable with the idea of a registry. To me, it is essentially telling people what they should buy me and that's just not me. But shower implies gifts so registering has been on my mind. And with that goes the research I talked about above. So many things, so many reviews, so many decisions.

3) my FAVORITE current exciting thing is planning the nursery. There was a time several years ago when I had ideas in my head. I'm sure my thoughts have changed alot since then. I will be making most of the "bedding set." I am not the theme type person and I can't find much I like in the way of prepackaged bedding sets. So I found the BEST, most FABULOUS fabric this weekend and I bought yards of it!!! I'll make the bedskirt, curtains, a few pillows and maybe a few other decorative things in the room. I can't wait!!! Now that fabric is chosen, next step is wall color. And of course the crib:-) I still need to decide on that. It's really down to 1 big decision, white, cherry or espresso finish. Maybe that will be on my to-do list this weekend!
So that's my week. Physically, I'm ok except for the never-ending reflux. It seems to have gotten worse over the past week or so. I won't go into details but I wouldn't wish it on anyone:-/

AND, I think I might be starting to feel little miss a bit. For the past 2 nights, I've felt these weird "thumps". No bubbles, no fluttering, etc...I think I am past that stage anyway. Silly me felt it the first time and then starting jiggling my belly and I felt it again. I have to imagine that was her?!?!? Then I got paranoid that I was going to seriously injure her by the constant belly jiggling so I stopped. We did find out at the u/s last week that I have an anterior placenta, which essentially means that 1) I am screwed up in another way, and 2) the placenta positioned as it is is stopping me from feeling her kicks, kind of like a pillow. I'll settle for the thumps though, if it is really her:-)

Little cantelope is a....

GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our 20 week u/s was yesterday. First things first, McBaby looked great. They took several measurements that were all fine, and checked out stomach, kidneys and bladder. All good.

The news everyone has been waiting for is that it is MISS McBaby:-) We are ecstatic!!!!!!

Sara came with us (since she works right down the block) and took a picture of us as the tech was showing us the goods. Yes, I was clapping:-)



She (wow, SHE!!) was once again a stubborn little thing, so we were there for quite awhile while they were getting all the measurements/pictures they needed. I declined the amnio. Even if our NT scan would have come back high-risk I wouldn't have done the amnio, so my turning it down was a no-brainer. She looked so squished in there, I have no idea how she will be comfy at the end! We also got to see her making little sucking motions with her lips. CUTE!!!!!

At this point, she is still nameless, although we have a definate front runner for first name. Arguing a bit about middle name. We'll see who wins;-)

PROFILE

GIRL PARTS!!!!!


THE CUTEST LITTLE FEET EVER!!!!!

20 weeks (and 10 pounds)

HAPPY:-)

"A very special baby"

A co-worker who knows of our struggles told me today that this baby will be "a very special baby."

No other point to this post but to put it in here so I remember it. She is right:-)

Last MANGO in Paris???

Sorry, I had to go there. That's one of my favorite Jimmy Buffet songs, and not to be confused with Cheeseburger in Paradise. Since I've been a slacker, we only have two days left in mango week.

Vernix caseosa, a greasy white substance made of lanugo, oil and dead skin cells (yum) now coats baby's skin, shielding it from the amniotic fluid. (Picture yourself after a nine-month bath, and the need for protection makes sense.) You might actually get to see the vernix at birth, especially if baby is premature.

It's been a relatively uneventful week. OB appt was last Thursday. Dr. S pulled out the doppler and carried on a conversation with Dan, all the while I was trying not to freak out as I couldn't hear the heartbeat. I kept thinking WHY ARE THEY STILL TALKING when there is no noise coming from my uterus???!!! She finally moved the little microphone over a bit and there was the sound I love:-)

At 15 weeks I was up 10 pounds. From 15-19 weeks, I only gained .2 pounds, so I'm now where she wanted me to be weight-wise (~10 pounds at 20 weeks). Holy crap, 20 weeks! I am attributing my lack of weight gain in the past 4 weeks to my serious lack of appetite. I have always wondered what that was like (having no appetite) and now I know. In particular, I have serious meat aversions. Dan grilled a few weeks ago, pork steaks, brats and steak kabobs. It sounded good in theory, but to actually put it in my mouth? Not so much.

Anyhoo...BIG u/s is on Thursday. To say I am on pins and needles is an understatement. I have no real feelings as to boy or girl, so we'll just have to wait and see. I know several of our peeps definately have an opinion on what they hope McBaby will be.

Once we know boy/girl, THEN I can start planning the nursery and doing other fun planning things.

I stink.

Yuck.

Pre-pregnancy, I never had to wear deodorant. I just did b/c, well, that's what you do. NOW, I feel like I slather it on in the morning and by lunchtime, I already smell. It's gross.

Or, it could be b/c my sense of smell is heightened and I just smell myself more easily?? I doubt it, I really think I stink.

19 week dr appt tomorrow AM!!!

Week 18=Sweet Potato

I can't say that I'm wild about sweet potato week. What are those hairs growing out of it???!!! It is hard to believe that McBaby is almost 6 inches long though!

Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And, baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon.

I also learned that the inner ear should be just about formed by now, which means baby can hear things going on out in the world, as well as my heartbeat:-)

Good news from the doctor...no UTI for me. I guess it is just "normal" frequent urination, but it is so annoying. And...a few days ago, minding my own business, walking Sierra...I sneezed...and peed at the same time:-( Took my a second to realize what happened, but yep. It happened. Fun times.

Last night brought an incredible nightmare, and not the Wizard of Oz kind like I was fearing. This was worse. I dreamt that 1) I wasn't pregnant, 2) had never been pregnant, and 3) was delivered the news of a negative beta from an IVF cycle. It was horrid. Worse than I can ever begin to explain to someone who has never dealt with this. In the dream, I was at the receptionist of RE office and she gave me the news. I broke down, inconsolable. I FELT those feelings in my dream. I felt the fear and the anger and the frustration and the desperation. It was so real that I woke up not realizing that I actually was/am pregnant. It was several minutes of me going through the old drill in my head...ok, what next, where's the money coming from, how am I going to keep going at this, etc. Then I finally realized I was pregnant. It's been haunting me all day. I never, EVER want to be in that position again.