So my attempt to be normal (start a registry, plan a nursery, come up with a name) backfired tremendously over the past 24 hours.
Yesterday? I was happy as a clam making some fun, wonderful plans.
Last night? I was focusing on what I wasn't feeling (McBaby).
Today? MELT DOWN at a staff meeting in which I discussed my maternity leave plans with our group. OK, so I melted down AFTER the staff meeting, but I still melted. Actually, as soon as my "plans" had been told, I left the meeting and called Dr. S, asking to get in for a h/b check. The secretary wanted to know if something was wrong, if I was having trouble feeling the baby. "Um, yes, I can't really say that I've ever FELT my baby." (Starting to write off those thumps I felt last week). Anyhoo, she acted like I was impositioning her b/c they were "so busy today." I said, as politely as I could "look, I did IVF, I'm paranoid, Dr. S said I could come in whenever I need to be reassured. Today is one of those days."
So they fit me in and gave me the talk about "it may take a minute to find." However, Miss McBaby was very cooperative, with a h/b loud and clear right away. Yes, I cried.
I embarrassingly told Dan about the meltdown. I called him as I was driving back to work from the appt. He doesn't really get the paranoia, but I don't really expect him too.
Now, I'm exhausted. I stressed myself out and just want to go home and crawl under the covers. But I'm thrilled to know she's nice and cozy in there:-) At least one of us can relax.