I think I may have gotten there. I just got back from my 3rd therapy appt. I was actually going to cancel it, but forgot, and didn't want to just not show up. We talked about my lap and next steps...and a bit about my relationship with Dr. K. And (gasp!!) acceptance
After the lap, Dan made the comment he thinks we (meaning me and Dr. K) are too close...like we've crossed the dr/patient boundary. I don't agree at all. I brought it up in therapy. Her thought was that an RE/patient connection is different than a normal dr/patient relationship. Essentially, Dr. K isn't just treating my uterus, to an extent she is also treating my mental health. Dan has been to more appts over the past 6 months, and I think he's now really seeing what an RE appt is like...and it happens to be something he has never experienced before. Therapist explained that RE appt are typically longer (as compared with regular docs), to ensure treatment of the patient. That makes sense to me. He's used to going to his doc every 2 years when he gets so sick he can't stand it, gets some meds and is sent on his way. Totally different than an RE.
As far as acceptance, I expressed to her what I have expressed to a few friends lately. To me, it's not really me vs. IF anymore. I'm not struggling anymore with why this is happening to me. It is what it is. I have this disease, and I have chosen to embrace it and struggle to get to the other side, instead of drowning in the "why me's." (Although trust me...I've been at the why me stage and it is no fun). IF is really just part of me. As apart of me as being born with brown hair and brown eyes. She said that is acceptance. It's not like I was ever striving to get to that point...but it's a good feeling. It's almost like I've given up a fight.