throwing bananas

I need a serious reset. I am on the verge of being completely tapped out.

The twins have had a cold since their first round of flu shot, TWO weeks ago. Within a day, we were dealing with double doses of lovely green snot that just.wouldn't.stop. The snot isn't green anymore, and it's now more of a cough, so I'm hopeful that the end is near. Unfortunately, as theirs is ending, Sophie now has major sniffles. Cue the albuterol "every 4-6 hours until cold symptoms are gone."

The twins colds=less sleep than normal. They can't breathe well, they need to sit up, need to be held. So I hold them.

Additionally, I feel certain we have entered that lovely period that is Connor's molars. That poor guy had enough teething issues with the first eight, I cannot IMAGE how he will respond to the next four. And I cannot stand to think about how *I* will deal with his response.

For the last two weeks, it's been up and down most nights. Mostly up. Sometimes in the rocking chair, but more times that not on the couch, with whichever baby it is snuggled up against the back of the couch so I can hopefully sleep a bit without risk of them rolling off the couch. Because that WOULD happen to us.

Two nights ago I was up with Connor for 5 hours. Last night, it was Avery, which is unusual. We played the up-down game for over an hour. I would think she was asleep, I'd try to put her down and she could FEEL me try to put her down and start screaming and squirming. Up and down. Up and down. So, I held her. And then, Connor started going off. Clearly, I can only hold one child at a time, if I have any hope of either of them going to sleep. I yelled for Dan. I could yell for Dan, b/c I knew Sophie was still wide awake, playing with the Ipad that I was just hoping would run out of juice. Finally get Avery to sleep, try to rest myself but could hear Dan struggling with Connor. Took Connor, snuggled up on the couch, and he was out about 30 minutes later. Finally. It was after 11 by this time.

I realized I hadn't eaten dinner. I was too tired to eat dinner. I went to bed and woke up sometime in the night to Sophie whining in her little high pitched toddler voice "I need my wubby. Find my wubby." I snuggled up to her, gave her a teddy bear hoping that would stop the need for the freaking pacifier. It didn't, and I had  no idea WHERE the pacifier was. Luckily, it was next to the bed so that crisis was averted.

A few hours later, after about 5 hours of sleep (not bad, considering the previous nights), I snooze for an hour. I simply cannot get out of bed until I realize this is a daycare day for Sophie and I HAVE to get up. I swear, sometimes thinking that is the only thing that gets me out of bed.

Because I have no time (or desire) to iron, I ran downstairs this AM to throw my pants in the dryer. Noticed that the laundry that I had washed YESTERDAY before work, was still in the washer, still wet. It wouldn't have been so bad had this same scenario not played out the day before. So, I washed this SAME load of clothes for the THIRD time, and was on a mission to find Dan. I very directly asked him how he was home for EIGHT hours yesterday and couldn't find time to put the clothes in the dryer. Yes, I can be picky (and bitchy), but he knew I was right this time and didn't have a leg to stand on.

THEN, I look in the fridge to get my lunch for work. I had been planning on taking Chinese leftovers from two nights before. All I found was the rice. My garlic beef was missing. Again, very directly, I asked Dan where  my food was. Him: I might have eaten it. You WHAT? You ate MY food, that you told me ahead of time you wouldn't touch? I didn't even EAT last night and you are telling me you ate my food?

By this time I had made it over to the fruit basket, where I was pulling off a banana for Sophie. I threw the rest of the bananas across the dining room, knocking the fruit basket off the buffet, with apples flying everywhere. It made sense at the time;) Luckily, Sophie was behind our closed bedroom door, oblivious to everything but Doc McStuffins.

This is when I realized I need a reset. I clearly am not my calm, cool, collected self. Just a bit of time, to sleep, read, even clean or organize. I've been a crappy employee this week. I have no motivation to work. I could nap at my desk right now, if only I had the option to close my door. I think I may take a day off tomorrow:)

first friends:)

My sweet little Sophie has FRIENDS! Not the "you're my friend because our moms are friends" type of friend, but little people that can't wait for her to show up at daycare each morning.

She developed a friendship with a little girl, A, when she was with her old sitter. They were the two youngest, both girls, and Stacey used to report that they would talk it up like little old ladies:) I met A's mom at a kid birthday party a few weeks before Stacey closed her "shop" and we traded info we'd found about new daycares/sitters in the area. Once I found our current FABULOUS center, I e-mailed J about it. She went to check it out, was floored how hard it was to drag A away, and immediately signed her up. Unfortunately, A only goes 1 day a week, but luckily it's a day that Sophie attends. She talks all week about getting to see A again. I love that she looks forward to playing with her.

This Monday though, when we arrived and walked up the front steps (it's a house), several kids were looking at us through the window. We walked in and they all started yelling some version of "Sophie's here! Good morning Sophie! YAY, it's Sophie." A ran up and hugged her. Sophie, in typical form, just stood there with her hand in her mouth, lol. I think she was quite overwhelmed at the reception.

As a mother, it warms my heart that these little people look forward to seeing her, want to spend time with her. I, of course, know that she's super fabulous, but so often in public places she will clam up and not say anything. I worry about this type of behavior, it's not shyness, something different. I see it in myself too. It's one reason we may keep her out of her first year of pre-school, and just work on social skills at home/daycare. Unless it's myself, Dan or the babies, and occasionally my parents, she rarely says "hi" or "bye." She knows what they mean, but just clams up/shuts down and refuses to say them. We'll see...hoping this is just a stage for her. I try not to compare her to other kids, but it seems odd to me that all her little friends will yell "bye, Sophie" and she just looks at them. And of course, the second she gets outside, she starts chattering away about anything and everthing.

I DON'T think she's going to be the social butterfly. That's not her personality. She's a follower, for sure. She will NEVER be the first one to jump in to anything. I think we're going to have to always encourage her to try things.

Speaking of, she recently had a trial gymnastics class. The first few days after the class, she claims that she didn't like it. I'd ask if she wanted to go back and she very adamantly said no.  A week or so later, she changed her tune and wants to go back. I'm torn, simply because of the money. It's $82 a month, for four sessions. I'd be all for signing her up, if I knew that she'd actually ENJOY it. Sophie is the type that it would take at least a month to get into it. The instructor did say that it was a good sign that she actually participated (although didn't really follow the rules) in the class. She said many times kids come their first time and hang along the wall because they are so overwhelmed. I may give it a few months and try again. Once she can be in the 3 yr old/4 yr old class, more options are available for class times, which would help out greatly. For the 18 mos to 3 yr group, the only class she could attend is Saturday morning at 9.

But isn't she stinking cute in her leotard? I was rushing around the few days before the class trying to find one. I swear, this was the ONLY leotard in all of STL that fit her. And, I hate that it only came in that icky pastel pink.

She loved the beam, and actually did really well.

A classic Sophie expression when she's not too sure about something.

De-cluttering

I am constantly trying to manage the mess, and chaos, in our house. It's really  unbelievable how quickly we can go from sparkly clean, to crumbs (and large pieces of random food), markers, rogue stickers, and a kitchen sink (literally) strewn everywhere. I try to devote at least 15 minutes each night to "picking up." However, by the time the babies are in bed, and Sophie thinks she has satisfied her one on one time with me, I'm tired. Really tired. Fifteen minutes seems like 2 hours. And really, what's the big deal, since 8-10 hours later the house will be in the same predicament? But, I really am making an effort. I've given up the notion that our floor will ever be free of toys, diapers (clean), and shoes, ever again. So, I try to put my effort onto shelves, countertops, etc, where tiny fingers can't yet reach. I never get ahead of the game. Sometimes it makes me very anxious, other times I just throw my hands in the air and jump in bed.

But, it doesn't change the fact that I always feel better, more productive, more eager to get things accomplished when things are in good working order.

I suppose that goes for this blog as well. I realized today that 14 of the20 or so blogs I have linked on the side have not been updated in at least 6 months, most of them a year. Clearly, it's time to declutter the blog, in hopes that it will encourage me to spend more time here and use it as a place to document our "little" family. I dropped the out of date blogs, grateful that I am still "friends" with most on FB, and a few IRL. Beyond thrilled that all of them, even despite quite tragic losses, did eventually go on to become mothers. I trashed the list of IF abbreviations, grateful that I don't need them anymore, am not in that PLACE anymore. And the books I read in 2009? WTH cares!

This thing also needs a new title. It's clearly not an infertile world anymore, not for me. I hate to lose it, but it's not who I am anymore. I'm not creative enough to come up with something overly clever, but a title change is definately in order.

I hate to say it, but I don't keep a baby book for any of the 3. Sophie *has* one, my mother in law bought it a few weeks before she was born. It has a lock of hair, and her footprints from the hospital. That's it. MIL asked me once how it was coming along and I lied. "Oh, it's great. I write in it alot." This blog is where I come to document milestones, fun things, not so fun things, about their life. And I've been doing a crappy job of that. I'm hopeful that this little overhaul will be my kick in the ass to tell stories, good and bad, about them.

One day, I will hand it over to them. They'll see it all. They'll see the tears I shed on the journey that led me to them. Good, bad, ugly. I was reading a few past posts today that I wrote when I first went on bedrest. I said that "I resented my babies." Honestly, I remember thinking it, feeling it. I don't really feel bad for thinking that; it's where I was at the time. I also read my post about their birth, and how I didn't hold Avery for about 8 hours, but when I finally did we did kangaroo time (or whatever it's called). Skin to skin contact with my sweet little, not even 6 pound girl. It also reminded me of a memory I will never forget, of basically sinking into a puddle on our bedroom floor, certain I would never be a mother, never thinking of hurting myself, but definately wondering how I could go through life without a child.

Look at me now. Just last night I scraped dried poo of of Sophie's back, while Avery was hysterical, trying to climb my leg, and Connor screaming because he slammed his fingers in one of the drawers on Sophie's changing table.

A Seusstastic 1st birthday party!

My babies turned one on Sept 6!! We celebrated by having a party the following Saturday. I knew many months ago that I wanted a Thing 1/Thing 2 theme, but really had to reign myself in as the date approached, lol. Luckily I did, because with Sophie being in the hospital the weekend before, I'm not sure how things would have gotten done.

The birthday cake, done by a friend of a friend. I added the cupcakes on at the last minute, so the babies could each have one to dig in to.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Catherines-Cakery-Confections/113532108682197

The "smash" cakes, pre-smash, also done by Catherine. Our "pro" pics were done by my friend Sara.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/SaraBeanPhotography

Getting into the cakes...

Well, Avery at least!  Connor was not a fan.



Sophie had on a super cute Dr. Seuss dress made by another friend Sara. I told her the only way she could get in on the cake action, was if she took it off.

I went a little Etsy crazy. I got the hats here, http://www.etsy.com/shop/shoplissy.

While I loved them, they were the biggest waste of money;) The babies wore them for these few pics, and then I forgot to use them for the party.


Birthday outfits, done by http://www.etsy.com/shop/BabyThreadsByLiz, I LOVE them, AND they can all be worn again:)

The only one we could get of all of us. It's class "us." Connor giggling, Sophie not wanting her picture taken, and Avery trying to scramble away.

The day of the birthday party, sealed the deal that Avery has quite the sweet tooth. I don't have any of Connor here at work, but poor Man just had a look of total disgust the entire time;)

The Cat in the Hat favors that I made, and forgot to take out of the freezer. Making these made me realize how very much I need to get my craft on. Dan kept commenting on how long it was taking to make them (it did take several steps), but when you enjoy doing something, it doesn't seem like work:)

Probably my absolute favorite from the b-day shoot...I love him so very much:)

Followed closely by this other favorite. I know it wasn't her big day, but it's so hard to get her to smile for a picture. This is the pure joy that I see on a regular basis.

Hospitalization # 3 for Miss Sophia

As usual, it started with cold symptoms last Wednesday. By Saturday morning she was whiny and clingy. By Saturday afternoon she was wheezy and then the retractions started Saturday night. I followed her asthma action plan to a "T", but we couldn't get it under control at home. At the advise of the nurse on our hotline, I took her in and 2 hours later she was admitted. It took 5 nebulizers of DOUBLE albuteral to get her lungs working properly.

This time was not nearly as scary as the first, and much easier than the 2nd hospitaliztion. Just by luck, we have her allergy/pulmology appt tomorrow, so we'll see what he has to say.

I kept her home from daycare yesterday, but did take her with me to run a few errands. She did seem better when we were "out in the world" so I opted to take her back to daycare today. I arrived to the notice that another child at the Center has contracted the Molluscum Contagiosum virus. According to the CDC this is very common, although the Director of her Center has not seen this in her 15 years of owning a daycare. Fabulous.

Honestly, I just wanted to scoop Sophie up and take her back home, but a few deep breaths later, I calmly left. Please GOD let her not get this virus. That.is.all.I.need.!

Another Sophie funny...I called her Miss Sophia last night. Her response? "My not Sophia, my Shoshie!"