Friday, December 4, 2009

tonight's the night

I can't believe we are almost at the end of this LONG road. And I can't believe tomorrow we will be meeting our little girl. That might be a bit optimistic, as I know others who were induced and it STILL took a few days, but I'm holding on to hope that I'll fall in that 12-14 hour average induction.

I've been doing really well with not being overwhelmed, until last night when Dan said "this is the last night that it is just us. The next time we sleep at home there will be three." HELLO, how had that thought not entered MY mind?? This thought led to another night of tossing and turning. Will we know what to do? Will *I* know what to do? Will people EXPECT me to know what to do?? This entire journey has been very compartmentalized for me. When we were trying to get pregnant, I couldn't think past getting pregnant. I educated myself on HOW to get pregnant (well, at least the options for how I could get pregnant). I didn't give a second thought to what happened after achieving that goal. And then it finally worked for us. And I began to research BEING pregnant and all that entailed. But I couldn't think past weeks, months, trimesters. Now here we are, getting ready to become parents and I am scared to death, b/c I haven't given it alot of thought. I mean, Dan and I are on the same page on how we want to raise Sophia, and what we will do/not do, etc. But the thought of bringing a baby HOME with us??!! Seriously? They are going to trust us to bring her home? That's the part that I'm having a hard time dealing with right now.

And it doesn't help that I just brought the car seat in from the car. Dan wanted a chance to play with it and figure out how it worked. Well, I had a few other things to bring in, so I piled them all in the carseat and marched up our 3 flights of stairs. At the 2nd landing everything fell out, rolling down the stairs, leaving me with an EMPTY car seat. So this is what I question the trust that everyone apparently seems to have in our parenting skills!

Sorry for the rambling...but I obviously needed to get that out:)

I just happened to look back at my post on this date last year. My how things have changed. Dec 4, 2008 I triggered for my 6th IUI, post lap and failed IVF #1 and FET, and pre IVF #2. It's amazing what changes can happen in 365 days.


Fran said...

Sweetie...next time I'll read your blog then you will have your little miracle at home...I always tell you that you have been an inspiration for me to start my own blog. I have no words to tell you how happy I am to have met you, to have followed you in your journey to motherhood. And you are nearly there. And I hope so much you won't close this blog but of course I understand your reasons. And I also hope I'll be soon following on your steps. You'll be in my thoughts, much much love, Fran

Jen Wargo said...

You sound exactly like I did when I went to the hospital, I was so concerned with laboring, I didn't even give a though to the fact that I eventually had to push her out and bring her home with me. It has been so natural though, everything will be just fine!

ASP said...

You're really keeping some of your readers in suspense here! Hope everything went well and you're enjoying your sweet baby girl!