Is anyone out there, lol??!!! Probably not, and I don't blame them:)
Just checking it to say one of my New Year's resolutions (probably the only one) is to keep this blog afloat. I kicked myself when I stopped for a short period of time when Sophie was still a newborn, and here we are with 4.5 month old twins and I haven't updated in months.
I can't bring myself to read the last post I wrote, but I need to write another so I can have some sort of closure to that, in this blog at least.
What's important now is that we are all ok! Sophie is 25 months old, and simply fantastic, despite the temper tantrums that invade her body on a usually daily basis. Avery and Connor are 4.5 months old, and growing! He is almost 14 pounds and she's almost 13 pounds. Despite the fact that they seem huge to me, they are only about 10th percentile for weight.
All 3 babies deserve their own post, so I will work on that in the next few days.
Oh, and I am back to work today, after 6 months of leave. I had planned to return mid December, but then wasn't able to after my Bonnie died.
I will return soon:)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Saturday, October 29, 2011
mother in law:(
I started this post over a week ago. For probably obvious reasons I haven't been able to finish, so I'm posting it now. I know many of my friends have been curious, but have been too nice to ask what happened (thank you for that), so here goes.
These are the facts. I suppose the emotions will come later. I realize it ends abruptly, but I can't go any further with this right now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan's mom, Bonnie, died last weekend. I can't believe I just typed that. It was a complete shock, totally unexpected. She was only 68. Morbid as it might be, I need to get this out, to have it for my rememberence. It's part of my processing, so here goes.
Last Thursday, around 5:30, she fell at our house. Dan, Sophie and I were at the dining room table when I heard her yell help. I got to her just in time to see her fall on her back, her head bouncing on the hardwood floors. She had been holding Avery while trying to stand up. She somehow did a 180 because when I found her, her feet were at the chair and her head away from it. She knew she was falling and had thrown Avery in the pack n play, which was luckily right next to her.
Dan and I helped her up. She said that other than her neck and head hurting she was ok. She sat back in the chair for just a minute or so and then got up and grabbed her purse and newspaper to leave. I thought this was a bit odd. I expected her to want/need to rest longer than a minute or two. She was almost out the front door when she said "why am I taking this paper?" I told her it was her paper, than she had brought it with her that morning. She said "are you sure it's not yours?" She had no memory of bringing it with her. She lingered for a minute or so and then looked out the front door and asked "is that my car?" That's when I looked at Dan to see if he was listening, which he was.
We told her yes it was her car. She asked what day it was. I responded by saying "what day do you think it is" and she said she didn't know. I told her it was Thursday, and that tomorrow was Friday. I reminded her that Friday was her "maintainance" day, when she got her nails and hair done. She said "I don't get my nails done." Dan and I looked at each other again. She has gotten her nails done weekly for as long as I can remember, at least since she retired several years ago.
I asked her if she wanted to go to the ER. She said no. We talked a bit more. She knew who she was and where she wss, so that made me feel a bit better. We went through a few more questions that she couldn't answer. I said to her several more times "please let us take you to the ER, or at least urgent care." SHe still said no.
I wouldn't let her drive home. Dan took her and we dropped off her car the next day. I made him leave a note for her to call her doctor when she woke up on Friday.
On Friday, she called Dan late morning to let us know she had talked to dr, who said it sounded like she had a concussion, but there was no need to see him unless she felt she needed to. She didn't. he gave her a script for Vicodin. I asked him how her memory was and he said it was ok, but he didn't really ask her anything for us to judge her memory. We didn't talk to her the rest of the day.
On Saturday morning, about 10:30, she came over unannounced and asked if we needed her help that day. I was in the bedroom feeding babies but heard Dan tell her that we'd love her help. I heard her go in the family room with Sophie and then heard her in the kitchen making some odd noises, not grunts really, but just odd. I later found out from Dan that she had been trying to get Sophie some juice. She went to the microwave (thinking it was the fridge) and tried to open it. She couldn't. She couldn't find the button to open it. She went to the wrong drawer to get her sippy cup (she knows where we keep them).
A few minutes after I heard the odd noises, which in hindsight must have been her frustration at not being able to open the microwave, she came to see me in the bedroom. I asked how she was feeling. She tried to talk. Her mouth opened and she tried to talk but only odd noises were coming out. She was finally able to say "well if I could talk." Then said "I think it would be better if I went home and got in my own bed." I told her that she knew best and she knew what she needed to do. She said "not always" and smiled. Then, she turned around and left.
I had assumed, most likely incorrectly, that her inabililty to speak was from possible over-medication with the Vicodin. I looked at Dan and told him she didn't need to be driving, and that I was shocked she had made it to our house at all.
We didn't hear from her anymore that day, or the next day. We were busy preparing for/hosting my sisters baby shower so didn't have time to give it much thought.
When we woke up on MOnday morning I told him that he should call her to check in. He hadn't gotten the chance when his phone rang. I could tell from the way he answered the phone that it was his mom. But then I heard him say "this is her younger son." At that point, I assumed it was either her dr or the ER calling us. By this point I was in front of him, trying to figure out what was being said on the other end of the phone. Then Dan said "that's ok. you're only doing your job. I'll be right there.
He hung up and I asked him what happened. he said "mom is dead. I have to go ID the body." My head immediately started spinning. I was holding Connor so luckily didn't faint. In quite a dramatic fashion I'm sure, I told him that I was going with him, that he shouldn't go alone. While trying to put his shoes on he attempted to talk me down from a ledge, reminding me that we have 3 babies to take care of. I told him we'd pack them all up and take them too...not thinking about Sophie and how she did NOT need to be a part of this.
So, he went by himself to his mom's house just 2 miles away and ID'd her dead body.
These are the facts. I suppose the emotions will come later. I realize it ends abruptly, but I can't go any further with this right now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan's mom, Bonnie, died last weekend. I can't believe I just typed that. It was a complete shock, totally unexpected. She was only 68. Morbid as it might be, I need to get this out, to have it for my rememberence. It's part of my processing, so here goes.
Last Thursday, around 5:30, she fell at our house. Dan, Sophie and I were at the dining room table when I heard her yell help. I got to her just in time to see her fall on her back, her head bouncing on the hardwood floors. She had been holding Avery while trying to stand up. She somehow did a 180 because when I found her, her feet were at the chair and her head away from it. She knew she was falling and had thrown Avery in the pack n play, which was luckily right next to her.
Dan and I helped her up. She said that other than her neck and head hurting she was ok. She sat back in the chair for just a minute or so and then got up and grabbed her purse and newspaper to leave. I thought this was a bit odd. I expected her to want/need to rest longer than a minute or two. She was almost out the front door when she said "why am I taking this paper?" I told her it was her paper, than she had brought it with her that morning. She said "are you sure it's not yours?" She had no memory of bringing it with her. She lingered for a minute or so and then looked out the front door and asked "is that my car?" That's when I looked at Dan to see if he was listening, which he was.
We told her yes it was her car. She asked what day it was. I responded by saying "what day do you think it is" and she said she didn't know. I told her it was Thursday, and that tomorrow was Friday. I reminded her that Friday was her "maintainance" day, when she got her nails and hair done. She said "I don't get my nails done." Dan and I looked at each other again. She has gotten her nails done weekly for as long as I can remember, at least since she retired several years ago.
I asked her if she wanted to go to the ER. She said no. We talked a bit more. She knew who she was and where she wss, so that made me feel a bit better. We went through a few more questions that she couldn't answer. I said to her several more times "please let us take you to the ER, or at least urgent care." SHe still said no.
I wouldn't let her drive home. Dan took her and we dropped off her car the next day. I made him leave a note for her to call her doctor when she woke up on Friday.
On Friday, she called Dan late morning to let us know she had talked to dr, who said it sounded like she had a concussion, but there was no need to see him unless she felt she needed to. She didn't. he gave her a script for Vicodin. I asked him how her memory was and he said it was ok, but he didn't really ask her anything for us to judge her memory. We didn't talk to her the rest of the day.
On Saturday morning, about 10:30, she came over unannounced and asked if we needed her help that day. I was in the bedroom feeding babies but heard Dan tell her that we'd love her help. I heard her go in the family room with Sophie and then heard her in the kitchen making some odd noises, not grunts really, but just odd. I later found out from Dan that she had been trying to get Sophie some juice. She went to the microwave (thinking it was the fridge) and tried to open it. She couldn't. She couldn't find the button to open it. She went to the wrong drawer to get her sippy cup (she knows where we keep them).
A few minutes after I heard the odd noises, which in hindsight must have been her frustration at not being able to open the microwave, she came to see me in the bedroom. I asked how she was feeling. She tried to talk. Her mouth opened and she tried to talk but only odd noises were coming out. She was finally able to say "well if I could talk." Then said "I think it would be better if I went home and got in my own bed." I told her that she knew best and she knew what she needed to do. She said "not always" and smiled. Then, she turned around and left.
I had assumed, most likely incorrectly, that her inabililty to speak was from possible over-medication with the Vicodin. I looked at Dan and told him she didn't need to be driving, and that I was shocked she had made it to our house at all.
We didn't hear from her anymore that day, or the next day. We were busy preparing for/hosting my sisters baby shower so didn't have time to give it much thought.
When we woke up on MOnday morning I told him that he should call her to check in. He hadn't gotten the chance when his phone rang. I could tell from the way he answered the phone that it was his mom. But then I heard him say "this is her younger son." At that point, I assumed it was either her dr or the ER calling us. By this point I was in front of him, trying to figure out what was being said on the other end of the phone. Then Dan said "that's ok. you're only doing your job. I'll be right there.
He hung up and I asked him what happened. he said "mom is dead. I have to go ID the body." My head immediately started spinning. I was holding Connor so luckily didn't faint. In quite a dramatic fashion I'm sure, I told him that I was going with him, that he shouldn't go alone. While trying to put his shoes on he attempted to talk me down from a ledge, reminding me that we have 3 babies to take care of. I told him we'd pack them all up and take them too...not thinking about Sophie and how she did NOT need to be a part of this.
So, he went by himself to his mom's house just 2 miles away and ID'd her dead body.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
1 week later...
we're still here...still surviving.
Thanks to those who suggested babies might have a dairy allergy. We had a pedi appt the day after my last post, and it appears that may be the problem. I brought up reflux, but pedi poo-poo-ed that idea. She suggested I cut out dairy and see what happens.
So, almost a week later, this milk drinking, CHEESE EATING girl is dairy free. I've cut out all obvious dairy, milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. I am guilty of some of the hidden dairy in recipes, but I have to start somewhere. The gassiness and fussiness seems to be less. Still there, but definately less. More spitting, more tooting, but less tightness in abdomen for sure. I'm still caffeine free as well, except for the Coke I got at McD's today, along with my cheese-less quarter pounder (do NOT recommend:().
And, apparently I've been starving them, which could also be some of the fussiness! The few days prior to the appt I noticed both of them chewing on their fingers at times. Dr. R gave the ok to increase their feeding amount, so we went from 75 to 90 ml's. A few days after that, I noticed Avery still seemed hungry, so I upped her to 100 ml's, just a bit more than 3 oz.
Otherwise the 1 month appt was good. Both babies weighed 7 pounds, which we were thrilled with. Hard to believe they STILL aren't as big as Sophie when she was born.
In more dr news, we had an ultrasound done of their hips today, which was recommended due to 1) the family history of hip dysplasia (Sophie) and 2) the fact that they were both breech. Those results will be sent to the pedi, who will let us know how they look, I guess. The u/s tech seemed extremely knowledgable but I knew she couldn't tell us anything, so didn't even bother to ask.
I'm in the process of trying to stretch them to 3.5 or 4 hours between feeds. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. They still typically wake at about the 3 hour mark, but I seems they wake from gassiness/discomfort, not necessarily hunger.
Here are a few current pics!
This is how we've been rolling in the morning. Babies are starting to stay awake after feedings, especially in the morning, so I do what I can to keep them stimulated. Avery especially loves to look at herself in the mirror---typical girl, right??? This one was after a 7 am feeding I think. Sophie of course wants in on the action so I have to find a way to include her. In this pic I had just asked her to put the package of diapers into the diaper bin. I don't think any actually made it into the bin;)
I love both of these. I actually think they resemble each other:)
Thanks to those who suggested babies might have a dairy allergy. We had a pedi appt the day after my last post, and it appears that may be the problem. I brought up reflux, but pedi poo-poo-ed that idea. She suggested I cut out dairy and see what happens.
So, almost a week later, this milk drinking, CHEESE EATING girl is dairy free. I've cut out all obvious dairy, milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. I am guilty of some of the hidden dairy in recipes, but I have to start somewhere. The gassiness and fussiness seems to be less. Still there, but definately less. More spitting, more tooting, but less tightness in abdomen for sure. I'm still caffeine free as well, except for the Coke I got at McD's today, along with my cheese-less quarter pounder (do NOT recommend:().
And, apparently I've been starving them, which could also be some of the fussiness! The few days prior to the appt I noticed both of them chewing on their fingers at times. Dr. R gave the ok to increase their feeding amount, so we went from 75 to 90 ml's. A few days after that, I noticed Avery still seemed hungry, so I upped her to 100 ml's, just a bit more than 3 oz.
Otherwise the 1 month appt was good. Both babies weighed 7 pounds, which we were thrilled with. Hard to believe they STILL aren't as big as Sophie when she was born.
In more dr news, we had an ultrasound done of their hips today, which was recommended due to 1) the family history of hip dysplasia (Sophie) and 2) the fact that they were both breech. Those results will be sent to the pedi, who will let us know how they look, I guess. The u/s tech seemed extremely knowledgable but I knew she couldn't tell us anything, so didn't even bother to ask.
I'm in the process of trying to stretch them to 3.5 or 4 hours between feeds. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. They still typically wake at about the 3 hour mark, but I seems they wake from gassiness/discomfort, not necessarily hunger.
Here are a few current pics!
This is how we've been rolling in the morning. Babies are starting to stay awake after feedings, especially in the morning, so I do what I can to keep them stimulated. Avery especially loves to look at herself in the mirror---typical girl, right??? This one was after a 7 am feeding I think. Sophie of course wants in on the action so I have to find a way to include her. In this pic I had just asked her to put the package of diapers into the diaper bin. I don't think any actually made it into the bin;)
I love both of these. I actually think they resemble each other:)
Friday, October 7, 2011
We're here. We're home
We actually brought the twins home THREE weeks ago, when they were 10 days old. It's taken me this long to sit down to write. What I should be writing about is their coming home day, but what I really need to get out is the HELL that has broken out in the last 48 hours.
I don't know what happened. Two nights ago, I got three 30 minute stretches of sleep, plus 1.5 hours from 6:30 until 8 am, when Sophie woke up. Avery and Connor were up all night. When when calmed down, the other woke. Vice versa. It wasn't just a matter of being awake, but they were screaming. In pain.
Avery has been more fussy from the beginning, so it through me for a curve when Connor joined in. Last night was just ridiculous.
We fed them at 9, and before 10 Avery was screaming again. I couldn't make her stop. We tried gas drops, we tried more burping. Everything. Finally, I brought her into bed with me. YES! I know it's wrong. I was watching TV though, and she finally passed out on my stomach. Sophie was also in bed with me, and would not stay still. She slept in every imaginable position. I finally drifted to sleep, hearing Dan's snores coming from the family room. I woke up to Avery's snot bubble nose, in and out, in and out. The options were to continue to listen to the snot bubbles, or risk getting up (thus, waking her up), to find the battery operated snot snucker that she loves (NOT) so much. Obviously, I opted to not move.
I never did really go to sleep, paranoid that something would happen to Avery. About midnight, I looked over and I saw Sophie falling off of our KING size bed onto the HARD wood floor. I saw it, but I couldn't stop it. She fell HEAD first, shrieking. I moved as fast as I could, putting Avery down and getting to Sophie. She jumped on me like a little monkey and wouldn't let go. It was dark, so my assessment of her injuries was minimal. I finally realized that not only did I need feel any blood, I also didn't feel any tears. I think it just scared the crap out of her, as it did me.
Finally after their 3 am feeding, I swaddled both babies, which seemed to help.
I'm going on NO sleep. I have no idea what is wrong with them. I have been drinking a fair amount of caffeine, so have officially cut that out of my diet in the event that it is upsetting their bellies. If that doesn't work, I don't know what else to try.
Is this colic?? Not officially, according to the medical definition, but we are getting there.
I don't know what happened. Two nights ago, I got three 30 minute stretches of sleep, plus 1.5 hours from 6:30 until 8 am, when Sophie woke up. Avery and Connor were up all night. When when calmed down, the other woke. Vice versa. It wasn't just a matter of being awake, but they were screaming. In pain.
Avery has been more fussy from the beginning, so it through me for a curve when Connor joined in. Last night was just ridiculous.
We fed them at 9, and before 10 Avery was screaming again. I couldn't make her stop. We tried gas drops, we tried more burping. Everything. Finally, I brought her into bed with me. YES! I know it's wrong. I was watching TV though, and she finally passed out on my stomach. Sophie was also in bed with me, and would not stay still. She slept in every imaginable position. I finally drifted to sleep, hearing Dan's snores coming from the family room. I woke up to Avery's snot bubble nose, in and out, in and out. The options were to continue to listen to the snot bubbles, or risk getting up (thus, waking her up), to find the battery operated snot snucker that she loves (NOT) so much. Obviously, I opted to not move.
I never did really go to sleep, paranoid that something would happen to Avery. About midnight, I looked over and I saw Sophie falling off of our KING size bed onto the HARD wood floor. I saw it, but I couldn't stop it. She fell HEAD first, shrieking. I moved as fast as I could, putting Avery down and getting to Sophie. She jumped on me like a little monkey and wouldn't let go. It was dark, so my assessment of her injuries was minimal. I finally realized that not only did I need feel any blood, I also didn't feel any tears. I think it just scared the crap out of her, as it did me.
Finally after their 3 am feeding, I swaddled both babies, which seemed to help.
I'm going on NO sleep. I have no idea what is wrong with them. I have been drinking a fair amount of caffeine, so have officially cut that out of my diet in the event that it is upsetting their bellies. If that doesn't work, I don't know what else to try.
Is this colic?? Not officially, according to the medical definition, but we are getting there.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
The NICU
Last night, I thought back to the hospital tour we took prior to having Sophie. They walked us by the newborn nursery where we were able to ogle over the beautiful little newborns. We were shown the outside of the NICU, but the windows were covered, and it seemed like such a solemn, sick place. I remember thinking thank goodness we won't have to be in there.
Fast forward less than 2 years, and here we are. But it's not nearly as bad as I expected, perhaps because my babies aren't among the "sickest of the sick."
For the past 9 days, I have seen most of the babies admitted since ours, come and go. Not many stay here, they are usually out in a day or two. Thankfully, I haven't seen any super sick babies either. I think we officially win for the babies that have been here the longest.
The nurses that work here are amazing. They have such peaceful souls. You can tell they enjoy being here, and have a way about them that really soothes a scared parent.
Fingers crossed that tomorrow is discharge day.
Here's our little spot. Avery is to the left, Connor to the right. They are both hooked up to monitors. They each have a fridge where I can store pumped milk. I feel really good that they've only gotten super minimal formula. My body seems to be keeping up with their demand.
This is where I've been sitting for the past 8 days. They eat every 3 hours, around the clock, and I've been able to be here for each of their 11 am, 2 pm, 5 pm feedings. Basically, this is where I've been camped out for 7 hours a day. I haven't questioned it, because why would I NOT be here? BUT, I'm so thankful that our time is almost done here. I want my babies home!
a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJllGt568RDIbA5i_30QORzZ6BZp_w9IYymnBtBuo_Z6Xx7FzNei0Mxg4ZUejHnRA9MUR_xpnUmN-JstYElcHjbPx1bvtVPdqUS4UxChHwiPrf8evnneUeJaUZLaZsgqZOd7t46QtXwhI/s1600/Twins+birthday+061.jpg">
Today, they each weight 5 lbs 3 oz. Most of the pics I've taken and sent to people, or put on facebook make them look like regular little babies. But, when you unswaddle them, these are the skinny little chicken legs that I've talked about.
This is Miss Avery. They are both wearing newborn diapers, but they are still big on them!!
Fast forward less than 2 years, and here we are. But it's not nearly as bad as I expected, perhaps because my babies aren't among the "sickest of the sick."
For the past 9 days, I have seen most of the babies admitted since ours, come and go. Not many stay here, they are usually out in a day or two. Thankfully, I haven't seen any super sick babies either. I think we officially win for the babies that have been here the longest.
The nurses that work here are amazing. They have such peaceful souls. You can tell they enjoy being here, and have a way about them that really soothes a scared parent.
Fingers crossed that tomorrow is discharge day.
Here's our little spot. Avery is to the left, Connor to the right. They are both hooked up to monitors. They each have a fridge where I can store pumped milk. I feel really good that they've only gotten super minimal formula. My body seems to be keeping up with their demand.
This is where I've been sitting for the past 8 days. They eat every 3 hours, around the clock, and I've been able to be here for each of their 11 am, 2 pm, 5 pm feedings. Basically, this is where I've been camped out for 7 hours a day. I haven't questioned it, because why would I NOT be here? BUT, I'm so thankful that our time is almost done here. I want my babies home!
a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJllGt568RDIbA5i_30QORzZ6BZp_w9IYymnBtBuo_Z6Xx7FzNei0Mxg4ZUejHnRA9MUR_xpnUmN-JstYElcHjbPx1bvtVPdqUS4UxChHwiPrf8evnneUeJaUZLaZsgqZOd7t46QtXwhI/s1600/Twins+birthday+061.jpg">
Today, they each weight 5 lbs 3 oz. Most of the pics I've taken and sent to people, or put on facebook make them look like regular little babies. But, when you unswaddle them, these are the skinny little chicken legs that I've talked about.
This is Miss Avery. They are both wearing newborn diapers, but they are still big on them!!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The days after...
Avery and Connor have made fantastic progress. Their respiratory issues were fairly easy to get under control. On Thursday, they made it out of the critical part of the NICU. On Friday morning, they graduated to open cribs, mainly because they appear to be maintaining their temps fairly easily.
They are still hooked up to an IV, mainly until they are up to their full feeds. Once their little bellies can handle the amount of food the docs say is appropriate, they'll lose the IVs. This could happen as soon as tomorrow.
On Thurs morning Connor had an apnic episode, which the docs said might add 5-7 days to his stay, but luckily he's had no more.
From Thursday to Friday they both lost more weight and were each down to 5 lbs 4 ozs. From Fri to Sat, they lost more and now each weight 5 lbs 3 oz. The dr says we'll most likely see one more drop in weight, until they are up to their full feeds.
I was able to do skin to skin with them on Tues night, and then again today.
I started pumping about 24 hours after they were born. Yesterday, I pumped SEVEN oz. Holy milk, batman!!! But then today, my supply has not been so great. However, I was able to breastfeed them both 3 times today. They latched on, which apparently is a HUGE deal at this gestational age. I feel really good about that, and am now on the pumping every 2.5 hour schedule. Fun times are here again;)
My babies are just so tiny, although I know in the whole scheme of things they are not. They both have the same little chicken legs that Sophie had when she was born. But theirs are even more skinny and chickenish, lol. Lots of wrinkles in their arms and legs. Lots of peach fuzz all over their body. Their fingers and toes look like all skin and bones. Their eyes don't even look real. They both have a decent amount of hair though...Avery's is most definately brown and Connor's is blondish to strawberry blond. Connor looks like a male version of Sophie, meaning he looks just like Dan, lol. I think Avery may actually resemble me. Only time will tell, I guess.
They are still hooked up to an IV, mainly until they are up to their full feeds. Once their little bellies can handle the amount of food the docs say is appropriate, they'll lose the IVs. This could happen as soon as tomorrow.
On Thurs morning Connor had an apnic episode, which the docs said might add 5-7 days to his stay, but luckily he's had no more.
From Thursday to Friday they both lost more weight and were each down to 5 lbs 4 ozs. From Fri to Sat, they lost more and now each weight 5 lbs 3 oz. The dr says we'll most likely see one more drop in weight, until they are up to their full feeds.
I was able to do skin to skin with them on Tues night, and then again today.
I started pumping about 24 hours after they were born. Yesterday, I pumped SEVEN oz. Holy milk, batman!!! But then today, my supply has not been so great. However, I was able to breastfeed them both 3 times today. They latched on, which apparently is a HUGE deal at this gestational age. I feel really good about that, and am now on the pumping every 2.5 hour schedule. Fun times are here again;)
My babies are just so tiny, although I know in the whole scheme of things they are not. They both have the same little chicken legs that Sophie had when she was born. But theirs are even more skinny and chickenish, lol. Lots of wrinkles in their arms and legs. Lots of peach fuzz all over their body. Their fingers and toes look like all skin and bones. Their eyes don't even look real. They both have a decent amount of hair though...Avery's is most definately brown and Connor's is blondish to strawberry blond. Connor looks like a male version of Sophie, meaning he looks just like Dan, lol. I think Avery may actually resemble me. Only time will tell, I guess.
Leaving...
First, I am home. Without my babies. My insurance only approves 4 days hospital stay with a c-section, so they kicked me out:(
I was completely fine until I talked to Dan about 1:30 today, asking him what time he planned to pick me up. He basically left it up to me, and we decided on 3:30, which would give me time to help with one more (2 pm) feeding. Once I had the timeline in my head, I lost it.
I went to the NICU shortly after talking with Dan, at which time our nurse asked me how I was. Needless to say, tears. Lots and lots and LOTS of tears. Along with ugly face, blubbering, snotty hyper-ventilation. Apparently they are used to this, because she pulled the curtains around our little area, handed me a box of kleenex, told me they refer to this day as "kleenex day" and gave me a hug. Which made me cry harder. I sat down in "my" chair (I've already found my favorite in the NICU), between my two babies and tried to pull myself together. Thankfully I was able to, until I heard Dan's voice, letting me know that my time was short.
Dan does not get it, but I don't expect him to. He keeps saying "they are in the best place possible." He doesn't understand that I realize that, and I agree. It's not that I think they are not being cared for, it's simply that I'm leaving them. And, I suspect there's also a touch of guilt when I think about how badly I wanted them to be born b/c I was so miserable. But then, I check myself with the reminder that I *did* go into labor on my own. They were ready to make an appearance, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
So, I left my babies. My two little babies that now weigh just over 5 pounds each. Little Avery who looks like a tiny bird when she eats, and Connor who has already stolen my heart. My friends know that I have been afraid of having a boy, not knowing what to expect. I was afraid, and hestitant, but now that he's here I would wish for nothing but him.
I will be there beating down the NICU doors at 11 am tomorrow:)
I was completely fine until I talked to Dan about 1:30 today, asking him what time he planned to pick me up. He basically left it up to me, and we decided on 3:30, which would give me time to help with one more (2 pm) feeding. Once I had the timeline in my head, I lost it.
I went to the NICU shortly after talking with Dan, at which time our nurse asked me how I was. Needless to say, tears. Lots and lots and LOTS of tears. Along with ugly face, blubbering, snotty hyper-ventilation. Apparently they are used to this, because she pulled the curtains around our little area, handed me a box of kleenex, told me they refer to this day as "kleenex day" and gave me a hug. Which made me cry harder. I sat down in "my" chair (I've already found my favorite in the NICU), between my two babies and tried to pull myself together. Thankfully I was able to, until I heard Dan's voice, letting me know that my time was short.
Dan does not get it, but I don't expect him to. He keeps saying "they are in the best place possible." He doesn't understand that I realize that, and I agree. It's not that I think they are not being cared for, it's simply that I'm leaving them. And, I suspect there's also a touch of guilt when I think about how badly I wanted them to be born b/c I was so miserable. But then, I check myself with the reminder that I *did* go into labor on my own. They were ready to make an appearance, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
So, I left my babies. My two little babies that now weigh just over 5 pounds each. Little Avery who looks like a tiny bird when she eats, and Connor who has already stolen my heart. My friends know that I have been afraid of having a boy, not knowing what to expect. I was afraid, and hestitant, but now that he's here I would wish for nothing but him.
I will be there beating down the NICU doors at 11 am tomorrow:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)