I don't know if that makes sense, but it's how I feel. I seem to jump from activity to activity, without really finishing anything. My thoughts are all over the place. I'm feeling very out of control. I guess that's a good reason to try a new hair color today:-)
IUI #7 is officially in the books. I had 3 eggs, and Dan had 21.5 million little boys and girls. Please GOD let one of them find the other. I guess that's not really my only prayer though. I really think my issue is implantation. So I guess I am also praying that my uterus is strong and welcoming and comfy...and everything that an embryo might need to succeed.
One of the Fellows did my IUI yesterday. I asked about heading right into IVF #2 if this cycle should fail. She said she didn't see why not, but recommended I call my nurse to confirm.
Last night, I went to a family friends holiday get-together with my parents. There were 2 little boys there, one 7 and one 4. The 4 year old was a cutie-patootie. It about broke my heart when my mom asked him for a hug. Not only did he give a hug, he jumped into her arms, and she picked him up and held him. I had to look away. She is so ready to be a grandma. Actually, I didn't even tell her about this IUI, which was really hard considering we hung out last night and IUI was yesterday morning. She just gets so excited. And it makes me mad. I tell her not to get her hopes up, but she does each and every time.
I'm really tired of disappointing people. Even Dan...who on his facebook status yesterday said "praying for a baby." Um...can you hear my heart just ripping into teeny tiny pieces???????
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
IUI #7 is a-go!!!
I just got the call from my nurse. IUI # 7 is scheduled for Saturday morning at 8 am. I will stim one more night (u/s tech was right), trigger on Thursday night, with IUI the next day.
She confirmed that I was ok with the # of follicles. Yep, sign me up please:-) I have a 15, 14.5, 14, and 10, with 4 others in between. So it looks like I'll have 3 mature, which is fantastic to me.
This will be my last IUI. If it fails, we'll head right into IVF #2, assuming Dr. K won't make me wait a cycle.
She confirmed that I was ok with the # of follicles. Yep, sign me up please:-) I have a 15, 14.5, 14, and 10, with 4 others in between. So it looks like I'll have 3 mature, which is fantastic to me.
This will be my last IUI. If it fails, we'll head right into IVF #2, assuming Dr. K won't make me wait a cycle.
Getting dressed...
just to get undressed.
This is the most annoying part of early morning monitoring for me. I mean, it's not like I can go without a shower, and then run home and get ready for work. I have to go to these appts ready to go to work. I got all dressed today (in new clothes from Santa) and look pretty darn cute, thank you very much:-) It just felt like I got dressed, and then 5 minutes later was taking off my clothes again. It's just frustrating sometimes.
Anyhoo...I now have EIGHT measurable follicles. The biggest is 15, smallest is 10, and they are several that are between 13 and 14.5. The u/s tech (the one I don't like) said she thought they might stim me one more day. I doubt it. As always, b/w will tell the whole story, so I'll be anxiously waiting for that call.
This is the most annoying part of early morning monitoring for me. I mean, it's not like I can go without a shower, and then run home and get ready for work. I have to go to these appts ready to go to work. I got all dressed today (in new clothes from Santa) and look pretty darn cute, thank you very much:-) It just felt like I got dressed, and then 5 minutes later was taking off my clothes again. It's just frustrating sometimes.
Anyhoo...I now have EIGHT measurable follicles. The biggest is 15, smallest is 10, and they are several that are between 13 and 14.5. The u/s tech (the one I don't like) said she thought they might stim me one more day. I doubt it. As always, b/w will tell the whole story, so I'll be anxiously waiting for that call.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Results from monitoring this morning
Well. The increase in my meds appears to be working. I had 6 follies measuring over 10, with 2 in the lead, and 2 at the back of the line measuring 10. My E2 was 564. (To compare, last cycle when I only had one mature follicle my E2 only got to about 180 at my last b/w). So there should definately be more than one ready to go:-) I'll go back on Wed morning, after two more nights at my increased dose. My nurse thinks I'll trigger Wed night with IUI on Friday. I actually can't believe Dr. K isn't lowering for these last 2 nights. I suppose now I'm a little afraid that she'll re-think things and try to talk me out of this IUI if there are multiple mature follies. I say bring it on:-)
We also got the results of Dan's sperm freezing. Now that I'm thinking about the #s the nurse read me, it's not adding up though. I thought she said he had just over 98 million guys, with about 78 million being motile. But then she said we had 6 vials frozen, with 40 million in each one. That is what isn't adding up. oh well. All I care about is that there's enough for IUI #7 (plus we still have one vial frozen from before this most recent freeze). that should also hopefully get us through IVF #2.
We also got the results of Dan's sperm freezing. Now that I'm thinking about the #s the nurse read me, it's not adding up though. I thought she said he had just over 98 million guys, with about 78 million being motile. But then she said we had 6 vials frozen, with 40 million in each one. That is what isn't adding up. oh well. All I care about is that there's enough for IUI #7 (plus we still have one vial frozen from before this most recent freeze). that should also hopefully get us through IVF #2.
Putting it in perspective
I got to visit Amy and her wonderfully beautiful little Mattie yesterday. First of all, Amy looks fabulous. You'd never guess there was a baby in there 9 days ago. It is amazing.
We were talking about her induction/delivery, and the fact that Matt got to be there for it. We also talked about our mutual struggle with infertility. She said something that just stopped me. A fact I knew was true, probably, but I often lose sight of. She said "I thought that was the hardest thing I'd ever have to go through."
When you are in the trenches of infertility, it's 1) hard to imagine that you will ever get out, and 2) impossible to believe that this is not the worst thing that can happen to you. But really, it's not. There *are* worse things, it's just so hard to imagine what those might be, b/c some days...I feel like this is just sucking the life out of me. I hate that it has done that to me, but it has. Don't get me wrong. Some days are great, and easily managable, but there isn't a day (probably an hour) that goes by that I don't think about infertility and wonder if I'll ever see the other side.
Amy really put it all in perspective though, and I am thankful for that.
I also realized that Mattie was the first baby I've held in over 15 months. And I loved every minute of it:-)
We were talking about her induction/delivery, and the fact that Matt got to be there for it. We also talked about our mutual struggle with infertility. She said something that just stopped me. A fact I knew was true, probably, but I often lose sight of. She said "I thought that was the hardest thing I'd ever have to go through."
When you are in the trenches of infertility, it's 1) hard to imagine that you will ever get out, and 2) impossible to believe that this is not the worst thing that can happen to you. But really, it's not. There *are* worse things, it's just so hard to imagine what those might be, b/c some days...I feel like this is just sucking the life out of me. I hate that it has done that to me, but it has. Don't get me wrong. Some days are great, and easily managable, but there isn't a day (probably an hour) that goes by that I don't think about infertility and wonder if I'll ever see the other side.
Amy really put it all in perspective though, and I am thankful for that.
I also realized that Mattie was the first baby I've held in over 15 months. And I loved every minute of it:-)
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Two follicles so far!
The title of this post isn't so exciting, but *is* accurate. I went in today for my cd7 monitoring appt. I have 2 measurable follies on the R ovary, and a "group" of smallish ones on the left, and it looked like one of those in the group was taking the lead.
Here's to hoping and praying for THREE this time, although I will settle for two. Well actually, as we all know, I'll settle for one...but the more the merrier. The increased Gonal-F seems to be doing it's job (thank you very much me, for begging Dr. K to increase it:-)) I'll stay on 150 IU's tonight and tomorrow and go back on Monday morning.
I'm guessing IUI #7 will be Jan 1 or 2.
Here's to hoping and praying for THREE this time, although I will settle for two. Well actually, as we all know, I'll settle for one...but the more the merrier. The increased Gonal-F seems to be doing it's job (thank you very much me, for begging Dr. K to increase it:-)) I'll stay on 150 IU's tonight and tomorrow and go back on Monday morning.
I'm guessing IUI #7 will be Jan 1 or 2.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Cup o' sperm in the bra, anyone???
I know a few of you are guilty of this, you HAVE to be:-) That was me this morning. Dan's "job" this morning went off without a hitch, ahead of schedule actually so neither of us stressed too much, although last night was tense, with the thoughts of what needed to be done today.
It is freezing here, literally. Usually, I hold the cup between my legs for the car ride to Dr K's office, but I was afraid even that wouldn't keep it at the right temp. So in my bra it went. ANd it arrived safe and sound. Phew. Dan said "I hope there's a baby in there." My response was, "I have no doubt there's a baby in there, it's my uterus I'm worried about."
Anyhoo...they will wash the sperm, and then freeze it into vials of about 10 million. Last time (last Dec!) Dan had to do this we got 11 vials, which was WAY more than expected. I don't expect that will happen again, but it would be great to get enough for this IUI + a few more cycles. We typically use 2 vials per IUI.
In addition to dropping off this lovely specimin, I had my cd3 u/s and b/w today. All looked good. I have 25+ antral follies just ready to start growing. Between u/s and b/w I saw Dr. K in the hall. I wasn't sure she would recognize me (baseball cap and no make-up thanks to Dan eagerness to do his thing), but she did. She gave me a hug, told me she was sorry about the last cycle and asked how I was. I just got so darn emotional. Once in the car I cried, but I held it together in the office. I did ask her if she would increase my Gonal since last cycle only gave me one mature follicle. She reminded my nicely that one is all they hope for, but that she would review my chart prior to calling me with instructions.
She DID increase my meds, to 150 Gonal, which is up from 112.5 last cycle. I'll take that for 4 days, and go back in Sat morning to see what's going on. I suspect if we see more growth than with last cycle she'll probably lower it back to 112.5. I would be fine with that, I just wanted a little extra jump start which she thankfully gave me.
ANd I have decided that the next step is IVF #2. No more IUI's for me.
It is freezing here, literally. Usually, I hold the cup between my legs for the car ride to Dr K's office, but I was afraid even that wouldn't keep it at the right temp. So in my bra it went. ANd it arrived safe and sound. Phew. Dan said "I hope there's a baby in there." My response was, "I have no doubt there's a baby in there, it's my uterus I'm worried about."
Anyhoo...they will wash the sperm, and then freeze it into vials of about 10 million. Last time (last Dec!) Dan had to do this we got 11 vials, which was WAY more than expected. I don't expect that will happen again, but it would be great to get enough for this IUI + a few more cycles. We typically use 2 vials per IUI.
In addition to dropping off this lovely specimin, I had my cd3 u/s and b/w today. All looked good. I have 25+ antral follies just ready to start growing. Between u/s and b/w I saw Dr. K in the hall. I wasn't sure she would recognize me (baseball cap and no make-up thanks to Dan eagerness to do his thing), but she did. She gave me a hug, told me she was sorry about the last cycle and asked how I was. I just got so darn emotional. Once in the car I cried, but I held it together in the office. I did ask her if she would increase my Gonal since last cycle only gave me one mature follicle. She reminded my nicely that one is all they hope for, but that she would review my chart prior to calling me with instructions.
She DID increase my meds, to 150 Gonal, which is up from 112.5 last cycle. I'll take that for 4 days, and go back in Sat morning to see what's going on. I suspect if we see more growth than with last cycle she'll probably lower it back to 112.5. I would be fine with that, I just wanted a little extra jump start which she thankfully gave me.
ANd I have decided that the next step is IVF #2. No more IUI's for me.
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